I thought I'd write up a post this morning to let you all know that I'm at the very least alive ;)
Busy - frantically so - but alive !
Come in !
Quickly !
There's a heatwave happening here..............and when you add the humidity ( Montreal is an island - like Manhattan ) HOLY COW! 100 degrees of dry heat is nothing like 100 degrees of humidity.
There's warnings on the weather network daily - for the very young and very old to be extremely careful ( the rest of us can go to hell LOL )
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So I had a dentist appointment yesterday.
I had one tooth bonded and an old filling updated.
On 2 different sides of my mouth - both uppers.
Today I look like I had a lip job done.
Jesus how he wept WHY DOES EVERYTHING turn into SOMETHING with me?
Routine appointments. People walk in and walk out looking the exact same.
I walk out with lips 3 times the size they were upon entering.
But looking on the bright side of things - I can now remove lip enlargement off my list of things I'd like to do one day.
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I haven't been writing down the things John says for quite awhile now ( well since I've been too lazy to blog )
So I'm scrambling around here trying to remember a few of our conversations.........
But this one is a doozy.
John says - I'm going to give blood next week
Suzan says - Oh that's nice !
John says - What the hell is nice about it?
Suzan says - I think it's a wonderful thing to do John
John says - You sound like you've got a screw loose, you know that?
Suzan says - What IS the matter with you? I'm giving you a compliment. And I'm also proud of you!
John says - Well I should have blood tests more often!
Suzan says - Blood Tests? YOU SAID YOU WERE GIVING BLOOD !
John says - I am !
Suzan says - So why are you talking about blood tests for crying out loud?
John says - LISTEN CAREFULLY - I HAVE BLOOD TESTS NEXT WEEK.
Suzan says - Then you're not GIVING blood.............OMG......do you even know the difference?
John says - I'M GIVING BLOOD TO THE DOCTOR AREN'T I ?
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We had to get some shopping done yesterday for our trip next month ( Look out Paris here I come )
We have an on-going discussion every time we get in the car.
It's now part of our schtick.
I open the passenger window all the way down.
John opens his half an inch.
Suzan says - It's beautiful out - why don't you open your window all the way?
John says - LEAVE ME ALONE - YOU CAN OPEN YOURS ALL THE WAY !
Suzan says - But I want a cross breeze !
I swear to you I believe this to be true.
He's afraid that when the breeze blows his hair around that he'll lose some !
If he's alone in the car the windows are closed - no air on - just driving around the city on a beautiful day sealed in his little chamber nice and air tight like.
Suzan says - It's not normal !
John says - YOU'RE NOT NORMAL !
Truth is neither of us are...........but he's a little less so than I don't you think?
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We have an ongoing debate going on in Montreal that's very embarrassing to write about. Especially if you're an animal lover.
They're trying to ban pit bulls here.
For such an exciting forward thinking province we have such antiquated laws and now they want to add this to an already bizarre maze of them?
We already have to deal with language laws that no other place in the western free world practices and now this?
When will people use the common sense they were born with and realize it's not the dog it's the owners?
To ban a whole breed of an animal?
Not just English speaking ones either !
It's sick.
( for those of you south of our border - don't judge - you have one running for office )
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So I got side tracked again - I mentioned I was out shopping yesterday - I didn't mention what I was shopping for exactly, did I ?
SPANX.
OMG - I spent time during a heat wave to try on sausage casing !
I found one that made ( most of - there was still remnants ) my tummy much flatter.
Only thing is it made my already flat ass completely disappear.
Nothing's in proportion with me.
NOTHING.
In order to have a butt I have to gain enough weight that I actually look pregnant in the front.
I've lost some weight so the last thing I need right now is an undergarment that removes my backside.
I NEED AN ASS.
( for those of you south of our border - don't judge - you have one running for office )
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Most of you know that we're in the fabric business.
Years ago - 10 or so - when we were doing business in Manhattan and we booked an appointment with a man who made ties and shirts.
It was such a disagreeable meeting that we decided we'd rather not do business with that person's company at all.
All of his merchandise was made outside of the U.S. and he wouldn't pay for quality.
Sometimes you make decisions based on gut feelings.
( for those of you south of the border - don't judge - he's now running for office. )
And those of you that support him - lighten up !
Jokes people. They're only jokes.
You know..........like he tells !
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Often - when John and I are out - if one of us stops the other just continues walking - blissfully unaware.
It's usually John.
I turn around to point something out in a window and he's gone ( baby gone )
So that trip to Paris?
We've been invited to a fancy evening out.
I bought sandals for it.
John says - What the hell is all that clunking and banging going on up there ?
Suzan says - I'm just practicing walking around in my new sandals.
John says - It sounds like an elephant stomping around up there
Suzan says - Thanks John.
Here's the new sandals.
John says - They're as tall as the Eiffel Tower for God sakes !
I have a fear of tumbling down on the Champs Elysees and looking up frantically from the ground for John and............
gone baby gone.
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That's it for today folks -
I have a huge transformation I'm working on - who knows - it may end up a post on it's own one day!
Okay - okay - here's a sneak peak
It's NOT mine ( wish it were )
You all have a wonderful weekend -
I'm off to Quebec City for the weekend ............where the only remaining fortified city walls exist in North America ..........north of Mexico.
For now anyway.
Bon Weekend mes amis !
Hugs,
