Come in - come in - I've been dying for you to get here !
Some of you know that I have a " phobia " about birds - I'm really really frightened of them for some reason.
I panic if one comes too close - in a state of complete and utter fear.
I know they're beautiful - and I love that they live in my garden - I just don't like getting " too close and personal "
And we have grackles ( you can read about those #@&(@* HERE ) outside our bedroom - so a screen on our window is an absolute necessity.
So is sleeping with the window open.
( that's another on-going argument I've already shared with you )
Anyway - one night last week it was incredibly windy.
I woke up later than John the next morning.
John says - the wind knocked the screen right out of our window last night.
Suzan says - where is it?
John says - downstairs.................I didn't want to wake you
Suzan says - did you close the window ?
John says - No - you always want it open
Suzan says - OMG - A bat could have flowin in - or a grackle - or worse - what were you thinking?
John says - YOU ALWAYS TELL ME NOT TO TOUCH THE WINDOW.
Suzan says - Listen to me carefully John - very very carefully ( because really sometimes he frightens me more than birds ) I like heat in the winter too..................but.if the house ever catches fire please wake me up to let me know?
John says - Well now you're being ridiculous
But I could just picture him telling the judge " she loved heat your honor "
My logic is ridiculous I know that - he's 100% right on that one.
But surely that's better than having none at all?
This mudroom makeover is close to throwing me over the edge.
I seriously contemplated taking a photo of the before and then tossing a lighted match in it and showing the after.
I'm definitely not a pyromaniac but I think I'd probably do a little River Dance while it burned.
I've told you before the whole house is crooked - well the mud room is terribly so............I've taken to walking around the house with a level. I'm constantly checking everything.
Suzan says - I have a sinking feeling
John says - What now?
Suzan says - No I really have one - I think the house is sinking
John says - Why do you talk like that ?
Suzan says - Because I really think it is..................
John says - It's not sinking - it's an old house - it's crooked
Later on I brought a tea into the den for him
John says - Why are you walking like that?
Suzan says - Like what?
John says - On a slant
Suzan says - I'm trying to compensate..................I figure if we both walk leaning to one side no one will know how bad the house is.
I was thinking..........................
Why are all the sex scandals from MALES - ( and quite a few of them are politicians to boot )
They're either taking selfies of their private parts
Or trying to pick up other men in bathroom stalls
Or sleeping with secretaries
Or impregnating them
Sometimes they even marry them
Now personally I don't care about all of that - I really don't - I think the media should stay out of people's private affairs ( unless they're breaking the law or causing harm to someone of course )
But still - if that sort of thing does bother people - why on earth do we not have more female leaders?
There's more of of us than them - it makes no sense to me.
We keep voting in Don Drapers and then act horrified when they act like ...............well Don Draper.
We need more Peggy Olson's running the Country.
The above references are from Mad Men - and if you haven't watched the series - it's time to.
Seriously - an incredible look into the 60's era...................I'm in mourning that the final episode was last week.
The 60's were my childhood years...................and this show reflected it to perfection.
Kind of felt like I was going home for an hour each week - warts and all.
Too much to say - it needs its own post.................
But I'm sickened by the whole thing.
And with the network who's frantically trying to salvage something out of the whole mess.
LET. IT. GO.
C'mon TLC - you did it with Honey Boo Boo.
Ok this is hysterical.
I heard John grumbling in the mudroom................you know the table that I hung a curtain from?
He calls it a skirt ( which I suppose it is )
I keep a lot of tools and boxes filled with nails and screws etc behind it.
I swear to you this is what he said !
John says - ( on his hands and knees ) AM I GOING TO HAVE TO LIFT A BLOODY SKIRT EVERY TIME I WANT A SCREW ?
Suzan says - Pervert !
John says - What are you talking about ?
He had no idea what that sounded like...........
I had to explain it verbally because I wasn't wearing a skirt.
John says - Why is your mind always in the gutter?
Her and her Son - myself and my 3 kids -
We rented a cottage with private access to the lake.
It was a charming 2 story house nestled in a little corner of a lakeside cottage community.
2 Woman...............alone with 4 young kids.
Cell phones were just making their way into society and neither of us had one - nor was there a phone on this property.
It was a lovely holiday - we played games every night - we grilled all our meals - we sat on the sand while the kids played ................
Until 2 nights before we were to leave.
The kids were all down for the night and Darlene and I were sitting outside having a glass of wine.
Now before I go any further you have to know ( ok you already know ) that I'm afraid of my own shadow - and that I've very very dramatic.
So.............while we were sitting there chatting in total darkness ( and I mean PITCH black ) - Darlene looked at me a little strangely and in a very low voice
Darlene said - I don't want you to panic Suzan - just get up NOW and get into the house
My legs went numb - completely useless
Suzan whimpered - Please don't do this to me Darlene
Darlene said - GET UP ! NOW ! As she made a mad dash towards the door.
I almost broke her legs shoving her out of the way so that I could get in first.
We got indoors and she told me she heard footsteps on the side of the house. And the bushes rustling.
DEAR GOD IN HEAVEN - OMG - PLEASE SAVE US - THE CHILDREN ARE SO YOUNG -
HAIL MARY FULL OF GRACE - OUR FATHER WHO ART IN HEAVEN...................WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO???????????? I think I was literally hopping up and down and trying desperately to control a quick urge to go to the bathroom - eventually I flew into the kitchen to remove 2 butcher knives from the drawer.
I placed one in her hand - and made her solemnly swear that she would not go to sleep - we had to stay awake to save the children - DEAR GOD - THE CHILDREN !!!
I know I did a lot of pacing in front of the windows - waving the knife around.
After a couple of hours we thought it would be wise to go upstairs where - DEAR GOD - THE CHILDREN were sleeping and keep watch.
And so she sat in one corner ( closest to the door ) and I sat in the other corner ( a little safer ) and there we sat from midnight till roughly 5 a.m. when I noticed a strange noise coming from her corner.
Asleep on the job!
I ran over to her - shaking her frantically with one hand ( because the other hand still had the knife in it raised above my head so that nobody got hurt.)
Now I can only imagine what I must have looked like when she awoke - this crazed sleep deprived mad woman shaking her and telling her WAKE UP WAKE UP - for GOD'S SAKES - WAKE UP - with a huge knife in my hand.
She let out a blood curdling scream...............which in turn made me let out a blood curdling scream because I thought someone must be behind me for her to behave so irrationally.
Which caused all of the children to wake up - and we were on the rode back to the city within an hour.
The door to the basement ( outside door ) had been jimmied - the lock broken - but there was no access to the interior of the house through the cellar.
Someone probably looked in the window and saw this bat shit crazy lady walking around the house with a huge knife in her hand and thought
" no way " .....................
Or the lock was broken before we even got to the cottage.
We weren't quite sure of that.
But as much as I would have defended my kids to my death - there was another time when when we were downstairs watching t.v. in the family room and we noticed a mouse scurry past us.
We all made a dash for the stairs - and I - their fierce protector ran past them so that I could get upstairs first leaving them by the wayside - to defend themselves. I know Ashley was trying to get ahead of me - but it wasn't happening.
I'm definitely a Mama Grizzly.
Unless there's a ferocious mouse involved.
Then I become an elephant ( in the room )
We had a cat within a week.
Made my day !!!
I'm in the midst of painting a Union Jack somewhere in the mud room - I'll show you on Monday !
Have a wonderful weekend everyone