My Dress Arrived
From Light In the Box
It's beautiful
It's elegantly casual
It's perfect
EXCEPT
I have to lose 1 pound a day for 7 days
and grow at least 2 inches in height
Suzan says - John can you zip up the back for me please?
John says - Oh Oh - It won't go all the way to the top
Suzan says - sucks in her stomach
Suzan says - Ok - GO...............
John frantically tries to get it up
John says - I can't get it past the middle of your back
Suzan clutches the wall with one hand - her fist in her mouth with the other and sucks in some more
( in my very best Southern Belle pose )
Suzan screams - JUST ZIPPER IT UP..................
John says - I don't think the zipper is strong enough
( if I had a 3rd hand I'd slap him, plain and simple )
Suzan says - JUST. ZIPPER. IT. UP. PLEASE.
John finally gets it to the top
Suzan cannot breathe
Suzan's going red in the face............
Suzan whispers - because her chest is too constricted to speak properly " you see, it fits !!! "
John says - It looks amazing
John says - Wow it looks like it was custom made for you
Suzan says - Oh My God - I can't breathe - can you unzip it for me please?
Suzan says - it looks like I have extra breasts growing from my armpits
Suzan says - I don't understand - I bought a size larger then I normally wear
John says - You've been saying that for 10 years - it's getting old now................
it makes me look a little like this ( dear God - I even bought a floppy hat )
this woman's waist IS that size - mine's 20 times that size and somehow looks like that in the dress
WHAT HAVE I DONE????????????????????????????
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It's official everyone - I'm on a starvation diet for the next 7 days -
It's that or practice holding my breath for very long periods of time.
(or if anyone has a spare oxygen tank they can lend me - I could put flowers on it - decorate it all pretty like)
Have a great day all!!!
