Come in - could you please try to jump over the shag rug in the den?
Just jump over from the doorway on to the couch - it's a small room so not too difficult at all - trust me - I do it every day !
And here's why I do it
It's a little embarrassing but I've been over sharing since I started having these chats - so what the hell.
When I tell you I have O.C.D. you have no idea what I'm talking about.
One of the ways that it manifests itself is that I have to see vacuum marks on a rug.
It soothes me for some reason ( Oh my God Suzan - stop this series immediately )
I hate to see footprints all over it.
Why would I have the rug in the den if it causes me anxiety?
Because John insists that it stay there - he likes it - says it makes the room warmer.
So I vacuum it.
Constantly.
Like sometimes more than once a day.
When the kids were small I'd vacuum us right out the door............and leave it in the entry way -so that when we came home at night we were met with fresh brush marks.
Obviously they wouldn't last very long with 3 kids running all over the place -
Sometimes I'd vacuum after they were in bed and literally hop all over the place - you'd swear I was an Olympic Sprinter.
So - if you don't mind..............start sprinting !
Ugghhh - never mind - we'll sit in the kitchen - I can't hop over rugs with a tray of coffee's in my hand.
Thankfully it's the only one in the house
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We have 3 sources for music and the c.d. section on every single one of them have died.
I'm losing my mind - no music !
So last weekend while decorating I started singing every single Christmas song I could think of..............
John was watching TV in the den ( footprints all over the rug ) and because this is a tiny cottage he could hear me -
He kept turning the t.v. louder whereupon I would sing louder.........
Until the t.v. was blasting as loud as it could go and I was screeching/singing at the top of my lungs.
John says - I know you're doing it on purpose
Suzan says - What? Singing Christmas carols? It's Christmas - that's what people DO !
Johns says - You sound like a fish wife.............
fish·wife
ˈfiSHˌwīf/
noun
noun: fish-wife
- 1.a coarse-mannered woman who is prone to shouting.
- 2.archaica woman who sells fish.
Since I've never so much as sold a fin to anyone I guess I fall under the number 1 category..
John says - That's it - we're getting a new sound system
We ordered a Bose - kind of expensive but that's our Christmas gift to each other :)
This is what the site says ( apparently if you order it today they can actually travel through time to get it to you - now that's a sound system !!! )
6 days left for guaranteed holiday delivery. Order by Dec 22 with express shipping. IN STOCK items only.
They're calling for 10 degrees ( celcius -which is roughly 50 degrees " American " ) for Christmas eve.
With rain.
I can't tell you how much this has affected my holiday mood.
All those decorations outside?
They look depressing without a little snow - I chose RED because of the contrast that the white would bring to it after all.
I mean really - what do most of YOU think of when you think of Canada in the winter? Eh ?
Suzan says - I should have went with green wreaths
John says - Why?
Suzan says - Red and rain are not a nice mix
John says - Do you ever take a moment to listen to yourself?
Suzan says - I may buy 20 green wreaths and change them out actually
John says - That'll be the frosty Friday - YOU'RE NOT CHANGING A DAMN THING !!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Well ! Merry Christmas to you too honey !
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I started everything early this year.
I felt so smug that I decorated outside - while we were having a warm spell in late November - and saved freezing my fingers.
Only to have the temperature keep climbing every day - that mild weekend I got it all done?
Was the least mild weekend since then.
I can't remember it ever being so warm here in Montreal in December..............but I can't remember where I put anything lately so maybe I'm completely wrong.
I started baking early too- and then realized I had so much time - that I promptly stopped to take a break.
But I have no concept of breaks..........now there's less then a week left and I'm still not even finished shopping let alone baking and wrapping
I'm hopeless really.
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And speaking of not remembering things - I spend far too much time in a day trying to remember things.
Why I went downstairs..........
Where I put things ..........
Who I am.............
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Plus I've been working on that armoire - my new mantra is " not quite finished "
So here it is " not quite finished "
But oh so close.
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This conversation happened last night.
Suzan says - I find Hockey becoming a priority in your life
John says - Don't be ridiculous - it's not at all
Suzan says - Do you want to go to a movie or something
John says - Nah - let's just stay in ( as he nervously checks his watch )
Suzan says - Do you want to go out for a bite to eat ?
John says - Maybe tomorrow - I have a ton of work to do tonight ( as he nervously checks his watch )
Suzan says - I know ! Let's have a game of scrabble - I'll turn the fire on
John says - I really have to get work done - I have to deliver fabric tomorrow morning
Suzan says - Aren't you going to check your watch again?
John says - I haven't looked at my watch !
John says - Do you want me to pick up tacos for you?
Suzan says - Yes please !!!
John says - I'll get a pizza for myself
He came back with our food................and ran into the den with his pizza
Suzan says - Where are you going?
John says - CAN I JUST SIT AND RELAX WHILE I EAT?
Suzan says - Enjoy the game John............enjoy the game.
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And speaking of Hockey - the French Language Police are at it again here in good old Montreal !
Seems they haven't been too busy lately with their measuring tapes ( French words must always be larger than English words and so they must carry the measuring tape to ensure the law is being followed ) When you have an inferiority complex these things are very important.
Such as the words BOXING DAY.........................poo poo ca ca !
Now stores can no longer use those very offensive ENGLISH words.
They should be replaced with SOLDE DU LENDEMAIN DE NOEL - how's that for a mouthful?
I want to know who sits around thinking these things up..................this has to be the most backwards place in all of North America when it comes to these issues.
You travel to Paris and there's bilingual signs everywhere - and OMG the lettering is all the same size.
Not here.
No way mon amie..............
The French letters must be bigger because the French language is the most important language here !
Don't like it?
Get out ! ( is the standard reply )
Never for a moment considering the fact that they are part of CANADA -
The thought constantly crosses my mind - that if they can't stand English perhaps THEY should get out?
Except where would they go?
Paris?
They'd go into a culture shock over there with all the English LMHO !
Anyway there's a reason for this story.
We have a beloved hockey player ( the Montreal Canadiens ) called P.K. Subban.
It's pronounced exactly the way you are reading it.
PEE KAY - the initials.
Well there's a French Language Rights Group ( I kid you not ) who are demanding his name be pronounced the French way - I'm seriously laughing my ass of here.
Nut cases -
So they want him referred to as PAY - KAH
He donated 10 million dollars to the Montreal Children's Hospital?
So what !
We don't like the way his name is pronounced !!!!!! Too English !
I'm telling you - it would be impossible to live in Montreal and NOT have a sense of humor !
Take a listen at P.K.'s adorable response
Did you watch it?
Did you notice where they mention they have to be lenient with foreigners?
HOLY SHIT
He's a Canadian for crying out loud.
And he's our version of Denzel Washington or should I say DENZELLE lmho ???
Go P.K. !!!
And to be fair this is certainly not all French - just a noisy insecure bunch of them !
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Hope you all have a wonderful weekend -
The mad rush is on for me -
Hugs,
The Fishwife ( or if the French Language Police are reading ) Le Poissonniere
