I had a nightmare last night................

Well - here you go - another episode in this wacky world of mine -
I think I'm going insane - really - I mean that - something is just not right -
I have a dresser that never sold so decided it was time to change it up a little - a quick job - nothing to it at all - except for the fact that I took out a tin of white paint - and gave it one coat - and then decided I would do some of the trim in a soft pink - so out came the My Color by Pantone pink that I used on this mirror -
and then...............................
the paint simply vanished.
ABSOLUTELY. VANISHED. INTO. THIN. AIR.
I looked for it for well over an hour ( probably longer but who's counting )  walked up and down the hall - and checked everywhere.
It got to the point where I actually looked in my purse - thinking well if you're going insane than you never know, right?  And with great trepidation I opened the fridge door - terrified that it might be sitting there with the milk I put back after making a tea, but nope, not there either -
I checked the bathroom and finally got down on all fours and starting looking under tables, very aware of the fact that had I found it under a table that would have been even more terrifying because that would have meant I got down on all fours to hide it in the first place.
I even got up in the middle of typing this post to look again -
This time slower - methodically - because a quart of paint cannot disappear - unless I were living with Kreskin or David Copperfield or Houdini - but since I'm not, I can't blame John who has no magic skills whatsoever - in fact he was in bed fast asleep when all this was going on.
I looked under the dining room table in case I had put it on one of the chairs ( don't ask, all rationality had completely vanished by this point.
I looked in the drawers of the dresser that I was working on.
I looked in the dining room hutch ( where of course I store paints  )
So now I'm starting to go insane - the hotflashes are starting - I'm near tears - and I'm thinking
" I know it's staring me right in the face "
I went to the kitchen and checked the garbage can - looked in the sink - and the bathtub -
I came back into the office and checked the cabinet and then looked under the desks -
I went back into the living room where I have a big blanket I keep on the chair for Soda and very very carefully lifted it up ( I didn't want paint spilling all over the furniture after all )
I then got on my hands and knees again - and crawled all over the dining room and the living room once more - thinking Dear God - I'm far too young for this to be happening - and the thought crossed my mind that this is what it must be like just before you actually go insane - that moment when you think Oh Oh - it's official.
I went into the foyer and checked the shoe rack - I looked inside the T.V. cabinet - and the longer it took the more determined I was - this was not going to happen to me dammit -
I went back into the bathroom and checked the towel cupboard -
I checked the storage ottoman - and please believe me when I tell you I knew with all certainty that the paint could not possibly be in any of these places - but have you noticed when you can't find something all sane thoughts just disappear?
Finally I had to give in - and tell myself that I would make a doctors appointment  (and pray that John wouldn't wake up in the morning and ask what the paint was doing on the hood of the car ) and started putting everything away in the armoire where I keep some of my paints and lo and behold ...................

Ok -  I know I took this out - I absolutely know I took it out -
My house is 100 years old - and if the thought never occurred to me before - I now know without a doubt,
IT'S HAUNTED.  Phew, I'm so relieved I can't tell you because it's far better to have a prankster poltergeist than to accept the alternative. ( be very leery of these creatures - they love to hide keys too )
Can you see her hiding in the armoire?  Please tell me I'm not the only one - because then I'll have to admit I'm 5 bristles short of a paint brush.
That's my story - ( and of course you know I'm sticking to it )
And I really was scared for a bit!

Rhianna to earn 8 million dollars for pushing a button

Sub Title - Hand Envy

Rihanna will earn a reported £5m to switch on the Christmas lights at London's Westfield shopping centre.

The 'We Found Love' star has reportedly been offered the huge sum to flick the switch and illuminate the shopping complex in Stratford, east London next month. The shopping centre is located near to the Olympic stadium and Westfield are keen to celebrate a huge year for the area. 

It is believed that organisers picked Rihanna over The Spice Girls with a source tellingThe Sun: "Westfield have had a great year due to the Olympics and want to fork out to celebrate. Even though the final contract is still being thrashed out, they're prepared to pay up to £5million for her. Organisers are expecting around 20,000 people to swamp the park. The Spice Girls were also discussed but Rihanna came out as the artist of choice."
SOURCE

My hands have served me very well -
They can wrap themselves around a paint brush like they were meant to be holding one their entire lives -
They can type ( quite quickly ) each evening when I sit down to post
They can caress - and they bring extra warmth to a hug
They can whip up an incredible dinner on a moment's notice
They can wipe away tears - mine and anyone else's that may need them too
They can make a bed - vaccuum a house - wash dishes
They can hold a leash
They can carry grocery bags
They can write up poetry - or thank you notes -
They can throw a ball - ( and sometimes even catch a ball )
They can protect - and repel
They can hold my chin up
They can prevent me from watching a scene in a movie I can't bear to see
They can help me get up from the floor
They can carry a multitude of dishes at one time
They can wrap gifts - carefully cutting ribbons -  ( they can even curl them when they have to )
They can turn pages of a book
They can lift a glass of wine to my lips
They can bring a fork to my mouth - and when no fork is available - well they can simply scoop
the food and bring it to me anyway
They can give me medicine when needed
They can work magic on me by applying my makeup
They can change diapers and wipe baby's noses

They're extremely versatile - after all what would I do without them - I have, for the most part,
been extremely grateful to have them..............until now

THIS is how the article ends

The source adding: "Rihanna's thrilled she has been asked again. She knows it's a big deal and is totally up for it – if it fits in with her schedule."

What in God's name does that mean exactly?
" She's totally up for it - IF it fits in her schedule " ???????????
Let me repeat that
" SHE'S TOTALLY UP FOR IT - IF IT FITS IN HER SCHEDULE "

How much can she possibly be earning that she would have to try and squeeze this in?
I'd squeeze this in on my way to the hospital to give birth for crying out loud - I'd be like
" sorry baby - but mama has a really important engagement here - trust me on this one -
you'll be happy one day "
(And then I would retire )

They are not asking that she use all her fingers - ( that would be unaffordable even for them I'm sure )
They are asking that she use one finger - probably her pointer finger ( it's the most valuable I believe )
I'm so happy she's been exercising it and that she feels she's up to it -can you imagine if it let her down
right at the moment she was set to press the button?  Talk about stress.

And for the first time I feel disappointed in my hands - they're UNDER ACHIEVERS - I see that now.
They're just simple folk type of hands I suppose - and they were taught from a young age that using them could only serve me well.  Well now I feel that I was mislead.  NO ONE ever told me that if my fingers worked hard enough - one day - possibly, somehow, maybe, they could earn me millions of dollars to
simply push a button.

The planet has gone mad - stark raving mad.

Just saying.................................