In our case love weighed 12 pounds 3 ounces of pure raw adoration and was never not by our side.
It weighed enough to leave a small indentation at the foot of the bed where she slept for 16 years.
We said good-bye this morning to Soda - our precious little side kick - our 3rd daughter.
We left the house with that love bundled up with 2 of her squeaky toys - the ones she used to frantically bite whenever we walked in the house. I held her while John drove - tears streaming down both our faces.
I opened the window because she so loved the breeze on her face - she glanced up but didn't have the energy to lean over and so I lifted her to it - letting it gently blow on her one last time while memories flooded through my system threatening to almost kill me. Dramatic? No..........it's how I truly felt at the moment. I think it's how we both felt at the moment.
Remember how she used to jump through the snow with all her paws in the air - I asked John
Remember how she used to bury herself under the blankets at night - John asked me
Remember?
The moments are tattooed on our hearts with indelible ink.
I was always telling her to " stay ".
In the mornings when John would get up to go the bathroom - she would get ready to jump off the bed to follow him
Stay - I would whisper - he'll be back.
She would rush to the front door whenever he left -
Stay - I would admonish her - he's not gone for long.
She would run off when we walked her - to the nearest tree stump - sometimes trying to cross the street
Stay - I would say loudly - it's dangerous.
Today - more than any other day - I wanted to cry out " Stay Soda - please sweetheart - Stay "
Instead I leaned down close and told her what a good girl she was and always had been and how loved she was and then I told her it was ok to go.
I'm so sorry Soda if my tears and my sobbing brought you any anguish - I tried so hard to be strong but you always were my weakness you know.
I'm not sure how I walked out of the clinic - but I know I couldn't stand once I opened the door - I fell in a crumpled heap on the sidewalk clutching her squeakies and her leash to my chest - heaving - wondering how on earth I was going to go home without that 12 pounds and 3 ounces of love by my side.
And I have a message to the people who left her in a sealed box 16 years ago in front of the SPCA - covered in her own feces - battered and bruised and starving.
Thank you. If you hadn't been as neglectful and cruel and as evil as you had been - we'd have never known the joy she brought to our lives.
You lost. We won.
12 pounds and 3 ounces of pure raw adoration - that you were not worthy of anyway.
I'll be eternally grateful she chose to share her life with us.
Wherever you are right now my love - please - stay - until we can be together again.
You CAN measure love - I feel its weight on my heart today and trust me - it's as heavy as a ton of bricks.
Thank you Soda
for everything.
An eternity's worth
Mom and Dad
xoxo
Cecilia - the first thing John did when we got in was put her painting on his end table by the bed.
