Friday, November 13, 2015

You CAN measure love..................

I know people say you can't but I swear to you - you can.

In our case love weighed 12 pounds 3 ounces of pure raw adoration and was never not by our side.


It weighed enough to leave a small indentation at the foot of the bed where she slept for 16 years.

We said good-bye this morning to Soda - our precious little side kick - our 3rd daughter.

We left the house with that love bundled up with 2 of her squeaky toys - the ones she used to frantically bite whenever we walked in the house.  I held her while John drove - tears streaming down both our faces.
I opened the window because she so loved the breeze on her face - she glanced up but didn't have the energy to lean over and so I lifted her to it - letting it gently blow on her one last time while memories flooded through my system threatening to almost kill me.  Dramatic?  No..........it's how I truly felt at the moment.  I think it's how we both felt at the moment.

Remember how she used to jump through the snow with all her paws in the air - I asked John
Remember how she used to bury herself under the blankets at night - John asked me
Remember?

The moments are tattooed on our hearts with indelible ink.

I was always telling her to " stay ".

In the mornings when John would get up to go the bathroom - she would get ready to jump off the bed to follow him

Stay - I would whisper - he'll be back.

She would rush to the front door whenever he left -

Stay - I would admonish her - he's not gone for long.

She would run off when we walked her - to the nearest tree stump - sometimes trying to cross the street

Stay - I would say loudly - it's dangerous.

Today - more than any other day - I wanted to cry out " Stay Soda -  please sweetheart - Stay "

Instead I leaned down close and told her what a good girl she was and always had been and how loved she was and then I told her it was ok to go.

I'm so sorry Soda if my tears and my sobbing brought you any anguish - I tried so hard to be strong but you always were my weakness you know.

I'm not sure how I walked out of the clinic - but I know I couldn't stand once I opened the door - I fell in a crumpled heap on the sidewalk clutching her squeakies and her leash to my chest - heaving - wondering how on earth I was going to go home without that 12 pounds and 3 ounces of love by my side.

And I have a message to the people who left her in a sealed box 16 years ago in front of the SPCA - covered in her own feces - battered and bruised and starving.

Thank you.  If you hadn't been as neglectful and cruel and as evil as you had been - we'd have never known the joy she brought to our lives.

You lost.  We won.

12 pounds and 3 ounces of pure raw adoration - that you were not worthy of anyway.

I'll be eternally grateful she chose to share her life with us.

Wherever you are right now my love - please - stay - until we can be together again.

You CAN measure love - I feel its weight on my heart today and trust me - it's as heavy as a ton of bricks.

Thank you Soda
for everything.


All our love
An eternity's worth

Mom and Dad
xoxo

Cecilia - the first thing John did when we got in was put her painting on his end table by the bed.
















131 comments:

  1. Oh Suzan, I'm crying but I need to send you a hug and say thank you for giving that little dog such a good and loving home. Your heart is broken, I know, and only the wonderful memories of Soda will help you heal. She was one of the lucky ones, Suzan. Always remember that. Hugs, Deb

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  2. Oh my goodness. I am so sorry for your loss. I have been there and I can so feel your pain. Think of all the good times and remember all the love you gave her, and what a wonderful life you gave her.

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    1. Thanks so much Peggy - all I can think of is how much love she gave us..............my precious girl.
      XOXO

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  3. I'm so sorry for the loss of Soda. I've been there many times and it's so very hard. Please know that as she blessed your life you blessed hers and gave her all the love and care she deserved. It's so hard to lose a member of the family. You and John are in my thoughts and prayers.

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    1. This one brought me to my knees - so hard.
      Thanks so much Laura for your kind words - but she gave us far more than we gave her ( I know you get that )
      xox

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  4. I cannot tell you how sorry I am for your loss, my friend.

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  5. Such a beautiful touching tribute to this little dog.

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    1. Oh thank you Susan - she was a tribute to our lives - she really was.
      xox

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  6. Can't breathe due to the lump in my throat, can't see due to the tears in my eyes, can't hope due to the pain in my heart. It feels like that day 24 years ago when I lost my 9 yr old rescue dog Ginger to illness. God bless and keep Soda until you meet again.

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  7. I am bawling right out loud here. I KNOW the pain you feel and the depth of anguish. My heart aches for you and I wish I lived closer so that I could hug you and let you bawl on my shoulder...or pat your back as you sobbed with your head down on the table.
    I am SOOO glad you had all those years with that little love. To have loved like that is better than to have never loved at all---even though it doesn't feel that way right now.
    After our last loss I hung it up. I feel like I just can't take that loss again. Our Misty was only with us for 12 years but such a big part of our lives. It's been a few years and I still just can't bear to replace her....
    I am so, so sorry, Suzan. Love you to the moon and back. xo Diana

    ps. I have to tell you- When SweetCheeks was about three she was always talking about her friend. 'Lizabeth. Lizabeth was a Heaven baby and she (SCheeks) was an Earth baby. One day she said- Do you know about PET Heaven? I said no...she said--well, pets can't come into Heaven but there is PET heaven and you can go over there and visit them when you want to but you just can't bring them out of there. SHE WAS THREE YEARS OLD!!!! and had never had a pet (still doesn't).
    Doesn't that make you smile?

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  8. Suzan, I'm so very sorry you've lost your sweet friend, Soda. Your post made me cry. I've lost three beloved pets in my lifetime, and it never seems to get easier. My heart goes out to you, and I do believe we will see those precious pets again someday.

    Thinking of you,

    Denise at Forest Manor

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  9. I'm so terribly, terribly sorry you have lost your little girl. It's taken me a few minutes to stop crying after your heartfelt tribute to Soda and all she brought to your life. I'm very proud know a couple who are so full of kindness that they can rescue a little being and give her all the love and care that she needed to live the happy and joyful life she led as a member of your family. Hugs, hugs and more hugs to you today!

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  10. Suzan, I know exactly how you feel. I felt the same and still feel the same just two months later. These little ones wind their way around your heart with a love so big that you cannot imagine life without it.

    My husband was away when I had to drive Munchen on her last day, she curled up in a ball in the passenger seat floor and just looked at me while I cried and talked to her.

    You are indeed blessed to have been loved that much by your sweet girl. We are all blessed to have the love of our pets.

    My prayers are with you, and a big hug too.

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  11. Oh my God, Suzan! I have tears in my eyes, reading this. We lost our two Persian kitties this last spring ( 2 months apart), and it was just awful for us both! I swear their little spirits are still hanging around the house. Sweetest little cats in the world, and I cannot bear the thought of getting another cat just yet. We have our dog-baby, Leo, to comfort us, and he is such a good boy. We literally take him EVERYWHERE with us. . .owning our own business, he comes to the studio every day and has a bed there, too. I cannot even think, no, I don't WANT to think of what our lives will be like when he's gone. My heart hurts for you. What a beautiful tribute to your sweet little Soda.

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  12. I knew when you said you were taking a blogging break that something was wrong. I'm so sad to hear about Soda. We just put our old man Chance down in September. We spent the day with him, took him to the park even though he could barely walk, he had a big steak dinner and ice cream for dessert. Your post brought me to tears as I sit in my office at work. I kept reminding myself that the most important part about being a loving pet owner is to know when they are suffering and to let them go. My heart is breaking for you but be proud of the fact that you gave her a great life. Hugs to you and John.

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    1. I felt I needed to spend every second with her Debbie - whether that would be 2 weeks or a month I knew it was coming. Thanks so much for understanding - and I'm SO sorry for your loss as well. Steak and ice cream - Soda had a few nibbles of salmon ( something she just adored ) and a couple of cookies ( the only way she would take the pills we were desperately giving her to try to make her better ) I guess this is the price we pay to have known their amazing love and it WAS over the top amazing. Much love to you xoxo

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  13. I'm sitting here with tears streaming down my face ~

    I am so very, very sorry to hear of you losing your precious Soda.

    Please consider both yourself and John VERY hugged.

    Love ~ bobbie

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  14. Like everyone else who has loved and lost their sweet four-legged babies, I have tears flowing down my face. Your loss reminds me of so many that we have lost throughout our marriage, and three just this year. So many of our little family members were throw-aways, and we were so grateful to have them. I was thinking of you half an hour ago, wondering why I hadn't heard from Suzan lately. Then, I remembered you were taking time off. I'm so sorry that this is what brought you back. My sincerest sympathies to you and John. What a huge hole 12 pounds and 3 ounces can make.

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  15. Oh Suzan and John. I'm so very sorry to read this news in your post today. That is so difficult to do and even though I haven't experienced it yet (the day is coming) I can imagine your grief. What a blessing little Soda was to you all these years. I'm glad you 'found' her and took her in. Sending you love and hugs.
    Pam

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  16. OMG Suzan, I am sobbing with you and John. I am so so sorry for your loss~!!! OMG. I totally get it and you know I do. This morning I held a towel, folded 4 ways, screaming into it to my boy JT how much I love and miss him. So, my friend, sob, scream, whatever it takes. I send you my love and hugs. May you feel Soda's presence in your life and heart forever... because Soda, like JT, will be with us. The hard part is knowing we can't pet them and love on them. :)
    With love and through tears, Christina in FL (and JT)
    xoxoxoxooooo to infinity

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  17. Oh Suzan, I have years running down my cheeks. I'm so truly sorry. I know how Soda was and is your baby. I haven't checked on her in a few and figured she was fine and hopping around. I hold my two tightly every day but right now I'm watching them sleep peacefully next to me. I cherish every minute. My guess hurts for you and John. You loved her every minute. I'll get thinking of you often and again on sorry.

    Cindy

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  18. My Sweet Suzan....I am so terribly sorry about the passing of Soda. Today was your ultimate gift of love for your Little Girl and it takes from you a strength you never knew you had to take that final journey for Soda together.
    I am certain that there are those of you who will understand when I say that do not be surprised when you are visited by Soda. I do believe that they remain with us for however long.......that love connection is just that strong.
    I will share this with you (yes, my Jim thinks I am nuts!), but it is about wild turkeys and a boxer. We recently lost our beloved boxer Rusty to cancer and he was a magnificent bundle of drool, kisses and love. I still am in grief (2.5 months) and the other day I was driving home thinking about him. I had just mentioned to my Jim that I hadn't seen the wild turkeys in several months, but as I was driving I had this incredible thought, that if I was to see the turkeys and a boxer before I got home, Rusty was sending me a sign he was fine and for me to not be sad because he was with us! I was three blocks from home, and had an urge to turn right, which i did and waaaay at the other end of the block I could see a couple walking three dogs! My eyesight is not so good anymore, but I could tell that two were tiny dogs, but one was a big dark dog. As I approached closer, the large dog was indeed a boxer!!! My heart lifted, but my chances for seeing the turkeys was very very slim; however, turning the next corner to go home, THERE THEY WERE sitting on the lawn!
    Some would say that this is the craziest story ever and probably even more would agree......but I don't care. Rusty visits all the time and he is more than welcome to stay and join us on our final journey home...........but right now for today, my focus and thoughts are on you and John and precious little Soda.....just don't be surprised about the visits. Nanny

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    1. Oh Nanny - I don't think you're nuts at all - this is one of the most beautiful stories and one I desperately needed to hear today - I can't think you enough for sharing it with me ( and John - I read it to him ) 2 and a half months is still fresh and raw. I'm waiting for Soda's visit - hoping she'll come by in my dreams tonight.
      Much love to you ( and Rusty )
      xox

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    2. Suzan, just be patient. Right now your heart is drowning in sorrow so it is hard to be fully aware of all those signs of visits! I find that his presence is in the common things he did in ordinary life, as if he exists in a plane we cannot see but is still very real. My sister Patty, who is very physic, just left after a weeks long visit, and before she left she told me there is something in the corner of my house that "watches"; nothing scary she said, but just very present. I reminded her that of course there is, that is Rusty's chair where he kept constant vigil of the comings and goings of our neighborhood (he was known as the "mayor" of Ponderosa Drive!) and watched for kitty cats and squirrels! We laughed and cried together. I'll share one last experience with you before you get back to John: Rusty's back legs were very distorted; he was born that way. It didn't slow him down one bit, but made jumping on the bed almost impossible. One night as I was caught in the moments between being fully asleep and just awakening I caught a "glimpse" of him. He was jumping up on the bed with us in the most beautiful arc of perfection! And I felt his weight on the bed as he gracefully landed. Of course I flew to the end on the bed to embrace him almost giving my husband a heart attack! He has visited very vividly many many times! Just be patient my dear Suzan, and watch or listen or feel. My love to you all. Nanny

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    3. Had to share just one more beautiful observation that will leave your heart reeling and hopefully make you smile at the memory of your sweet girl Soda. At the top of your post where you have the picture of Soda, your picture comes up right next to hers. They say that so many people look like their dogs! You and Soda are a perfect match! Priceless.......just priceless!

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    4. Oh my gosh - I never realized our hair color was the same - I'm giggling my head off here - maybe Idid that subconsciously - I always love the color of her coat !!!
      xox

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  19. Dear Suzan, As I read the wonderful tribute to your sweet little Soda I was bawling my eyes out. The unconditional love that we get from our little furry babies is like nothing else. I am so very sorry for the tremendous grief that you are going through right now and my heartfelt prayers go out to you and John.

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    1. Oh Kelly I can't tell you how much comfort this outpouring of love has brought both of us.
      We're truly just devastated by this................it's a hard one.
      Much love
      xox

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  20. Hi Suzan, when I saw sweet Sodas picture my heart sunk. I had a sick feeling. I'm so sorry I know how you and John loved her. She was your baby. As I am sending this my two are nestled under their blanket. I will be holding them a bit tighter. I'm sorry I haven't checked on her in a couple of months. The last time I did she was doing so well. Reading this I hsd tears running down my cheeks. I'm so, so sorry.

    Cindy

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  21. Suzan, I am so so sorry. I too have lost my unconditional loving and sweet dog "Sam". Soda knew you and John were her heels, and remember she will be waiting for you at the "Rainbow Bridge"

    Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge.
    When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge. There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together. There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable.

    All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor. Those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by. The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind.

    They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent. His eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster.

    You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.

    Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together....

    Author unknown...

    My thoughts are with you both,. Xoxo

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    1. Thanks you SO much for this................it's one of my favorites. I need to believe that I'll see her again - it's why I didn't say good bye to her.
      Much love to you xoxoxo

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  22. So terribly sorry for your loss. Please know you are all in my hearts and prayers.

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    1. Thanks SO much Karenann........................it means so much
      xoxo

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  23. Best wishes to Soda — crossing the Rainbow Bridge. I feel for you two. Our Webster has chronic renal failure, so we will be saying goodbye to him soon, and before we want to. Pets are so special, and it's difficult when they are gone. We treasure every single moment we have them — and for our lifetime after they're gone.

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  24. Oh honey, I'm sorry I haven't been around for a while, it's been such an awful year for us, but I had to send a message of love and sympathy to you on reading this sad news. I can hardly see for tears I so understand how you must be feeling now. So far this year one of my best friends has lost her son (aged 27) and I have tried to be there for her through what must be the worst thing that can ever happen to anyone, the girls lost a good friend (aged 25) he took his own life and they were devastated, and I lost Bob, my cat, after 10 years together. I felt embarrassed even mentioning him after so much tragedy but my friend, bless her lovely heart, rang me to tell me how sorry she was because she knew I wouldn't want to bring it up. Your pets are a big part of your life, you often spend more time with them than most of your family and they leave a big hole when they go. You, John and Soda were blessed to have one another. I guess I'm saying that love is love and loss is loss and sadly sometimes the price of one is the other. Thinking of you...Gerry xxx

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    1. You don't have to apologize Gerry - life gets in the way - I'm terribly guilty of not having time to visit as well.
      I am so sorry for ALL of your losses - terribly sorry.
      I have a post coming up called Love is Love - ( an entirely different love but still )
      We were certainly blessed to have her in our world - she was a gift - no lesser than our children in fact and she's going to be so missed. Love to you girlfriend.
      xox

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  25. Oh Suzan, I'm SO sorry. Everytime we have to let one of our furbabies go, I always say never again, but then a little lost soul shows up and worms their way into our hearts. This is what Soda did for you and John and you both gave her a wonderful and loving home. There is NO love like those from our furbabies! You'll see her again at the Rainbow Bridge. She'll be waiting for you and John. She's there playing full of life and is no longer ill or hurting. {{{HUGS}}} dear one. I know it hurts so badly. Hopefully before too long, all the wonderful memories of Soda will fill the hole in your heart.

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    1. I'm saying never again Camille - but it's so fresh that I shouldn't be saying that at all -
      It's so bizarre that should happen on Friday the 13th - now I have even more reason to hate the day...................
      I miss her so much - we're trying to lay down on the bed but I keep getting up because she's supposed to be laying on it with us.Thanks so much for your kind words - the outpouring of love moved the both of us to tears as I read each comment aloud to John.
      Much love from the both of us. xxx

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  26. Dearest Suzan Sunshine
    Tears are streaming down my face as I try to type this. My heart is breaking for you as I know your deep pure love for Sweet Soda. Bless your heart and my prayers go out to you and John. I too have had babies cross the rainbow bridge and know how hard it is. There is nothing like the unconditional love that they give us. You two were such wonderful parents to Soda, as she was a wonderful baby to you, how blessed all around. I'm sure Soda is now playing with my Greta and Sugie Bear. XOXOXOXOX Karen

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    1. Oh Karen - thanks so much. I hope Greta and Sugie Bear have patience - Soda wasn't so great with other dogs.
      I miss her terribly right now - at this very minute when I should be downstairs preparing her dinner.......
      Love and appreciation
      xox

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  27. Peace to you and John (and everyone who knew Soda). Not looking forward to our time to say goodbye to Webster (with rush)...They take a piece of our heart...Wishing you soft days and nights. Peace.

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    1. Thanks so much Katie - hold Webster just a little bit tighter tonight ( the both of you )
      xoxo

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  28. I'm so sorry for your loss of your precious fur baby. Please find comfort in knowing that she is now running and playing and feeling fine again. She will be there waiting at the Rainbow Bridge for you and John. I firmly believe this. Hubby and I have made the hard decision many times over the past 40 years. It is never easy. Thank you for giving Soda a wonderful loving life and home.

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    1. Thanks SO much - I've been through this before but for some reason this one has taken me to a whole different level of sorrow
      XOX

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  29. Awww. my heart breaks for your sorrow. I know the feeling. You are loved and Soda was soooo loved! Be strong my friend. My little buddy here in California (also a rescue who was abused all 6lbs him and left in a storage unit) and I send you doggie kisses and a heartfelt hug.

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    1. Thank you SO much ..........hug your baby a little tighter tonight - they're such precious gifts.
      She's left a huge hole in our hearts.
      XOXO

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  30. I'm almost 70. Do you know how many times I've put myself through that heartache over the years? Sadly, their life spans are so much shorter than ours. However, I do it again and again. You can never replace the one you've lost, but you can honor their memory by saving another one. There are a lot of them out there needing to be saved. Give yourself some time to heal.

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  31. I am so sorry for your loss. They bring such joy and unconditional love to our lives. I am sure it was one of the hardest things you and John have ever done. But you gave her a wonderful life and she is waiting at the rainbow bridge.

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    1. Oh Debra - it was indeed one of the hardest things we've done - I've been through this before but this one hit me hardest.
      Thanks so much
      xoxo

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  32. Oh, Suzan, I've got tears streaming down my face, and a lump in my throat. I'm so very sorry to hear about your beloved Soda. All of us who have gone through this know how heartbreaking it is to say goodbye to our pets. They are truly members of the family. I've gone through this three times, and I know how painful it is. Soda knows she will always have your love. In time, you will be able to smile again when you think about her, and the joy she brought you. Sending big hugs to you and John.

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  33. I'm so sorry Suzan. I know how you feel and it's terrible. Soda was so fortunate to have you both, so fortunate. All dogs should be so lucky to be loved and made part of the family like she was. xoxo

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  34. So many tears following your post. Remembering the loss of my shih tzu, Beau. My heartfelt condolences and prayers for you.

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    1. Oh Cindy - thanks so much - and I'm so sorry to hear that you've gone through this too - seems many of us have.
      This time it brought me to my knees - it's just so devastating.
      Hugs,
      xoxo

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  35. Dear Friend,
    Oh my, I am crying with you. xx oo xx oo
    We just adopted a rescue kitten. He was left to starve. He has been with us one month. So thankful for pets. And they are thankful for us. You did an amazing job writing this post.
    Take Care my friend,
    Carla

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  36. Suzan, sending you loads of cyber hugs from out west. From someone who knows that pain!
    ♥♥♥

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    1. Thanks so much Marie - we're just amazed at the outpouring of love.
      I caught John sobbing in the bedroom earlier...............the hole is huge.
      xoxo

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  37. Oh, I am so very sorry for your loss. When they leave us, they take a small piece of your heart with them. For months after I lost my sweet baby Duncan - I swear, out of the corner of my eye, I would see a white blur running across our lawn, or hear the jingle of his collar tags at different times during the day. Saying goodbye is never easy and it hurts so deep because they were so innocent and loved us unconditionally.

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  38. Oh my God, I just died a little with you today, blessings to you and John. Sandi

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  39. I'm so very sorry for your loss, Suzan!!!!

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  40. Shedding tears of my own for your loss, I am so sorry. Our furry family members give us unconditional love and fill our hearts with precious memories. I am certain she knew how loved she was, you gave her a safe and loving home. May the memories hold you and sustain you.

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  41. Dear Suzan, I wish that I had it in my power to save you from this bitter pain! I've gone nearly insane going through it myself. I feel so terribly sorry to hear about Soda. What a dear little personification of pure love! I know as her Mom and Dad you are really in pain. You are in my heart and in my prayers. I find it so hard to talk about it. The last time I went through this, it was really bad, as I said, so I know what it is like. I am with you during this terrible time. I only wish they could be with us much longer than they are. It just is so unfair.
    I know mine are waiting for me in heaven at the Rainbow Bridge, I can't wait for the day I see them again. As far as I am concerned, Angels DO exist: They are our sweet furry companions!
    Dear, sweet Soda, I am sure you know how very much you are LOVED and how very, very much you will be MISSED!!
    Dear Suzan, you have my love and caring empathy,
    Laura
    A big hug to the both of you.

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    1. Oh Laura we're just about going insane with grief too...............they're not with us long enough.
      I held her in my arms for a good hour before they had to give her the needle and for a brief - sick - moment I wanted to just make a run for the door with her in my arms...........
      thanks so much for your kind words - I know all of you get it - and the love you have all sent means more to me than any of you can ever know.
      xoxo

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  42. So sad your sweet Soda had to leave. Betty, the commenter above is absolutely correct; we never replace one but honor their being here and loving us by saving another. That is their legacy to other animals. The heartache when we lose them is the price for all that love and joy they bring to our lives every day. It's never long enough. Hugs to you.

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    1. I know that too Dee - in my heart of hearts - I just have to let the hole close a little before I can even think of it.
      And you're right - it's never long enough. We thought we were going to lose her last year and I prayed and prayed to just let me have her one more year - in the end my prayers were answered.
      Thanks so much for your kind words.
      XOX

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  43. My heart is breaking for you both reading of her passing, and I will hug my 3 closer because none of us know when the end will come. Tears for your loss. Hugs to you both. xo Patty

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    1. Oh Patty she shared our house adventures and all I keep thinking is that she won't be coming along for anymore of them - sort of makes me want to stay put now.
      We're just broken.
      Thanks so much girlfriend
      xoxo

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  44. I always enjoyed the posts about Soda, and anyone who has lost their companion child knows the heartbreak you and John are feeling. As the days pass, you will remember the happy times that Soda gave you, and your heart will heal a little. We lost our oldest Boston Terrier two weeks ago, and we are still grieving. But we're getting better. I wish you both peace and calm.

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    1. Oh I'm so sorry to read this - 2 weeks ago is still very raw..............thanks so much for your kind words.
      I'm aching with the loss.
      xoxo

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  45. Dear Susan and John, I was so excited to see your name pop up in my email, I have been missing you. This quickly turned to tears when I read your loving tribute to Soda. She was so truly and loved, and she knew it. I have been down this road myself and I know the utter heartbreak you are going through, so I'm send many warm hugs your way. Our furry friends don't talk or make much noise, but its amazing how quiet the house becomes, love Elaine in NJ

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    1. Thank you so much Elaine - I keep seeing her little face looking up at me - it's almost more than I can bare.............the love everyone is showing is just overwhelming and it helps..........it really does.
      Much love to you
      xoxo

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  46. Dear Susan and John, I was so excited when I saw your name pop up in my email, I was so missing you, but this quickly turned to tears when I read your loving tribute to Soda. She was so loved and she knew it. I have been down this road myself so I know the utter heartbreak you are both going through. Funny how are furry friends don't talk to us or make much noise, but how quiet the house suddenly is. After our Kitty died a few years ago I took a notebook and just started to write down all the memories and stories,, maybe it will help you. Sending you many warm hugs from NJ, Elaine

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  47. Such sadness in releasing a little love like Soda. It's awful every single time. What joy these pets of ours give us. I'm so sorry for your loss.

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  48. I am so sorry for the loss of your sweet Soda, Suzan. I, too, believe that love can be measured in the case of a beloved pet. The ones we have had have been family to us and when they departed from our lives it was a time of grief. You will never stop hearing her little paws pitty-pattying across the floor. I know this because I still hear and remember the ones we have heard in the past. I am one of those people who believes that there is a place in Heaven for the members of our loving and loved pets and that we will see them some day again. I believe your precious little girl, Soda, will be there waiting for you!

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    1. Oh Lynn thank you so very much. I need to believe she'll be waiting for me ( although she'll run to John first - and that's ok ) he's hurting deeply as well - I caught him crying in the bedroom earlier - she's left a huge hole.
      Your words are like salve on an open wound - thank you again
      Much love
      XOXOX

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  49. Oh Suzan, I'm so sorry to hear this. We just lost our Misty after having her with us for twelve years after bringing her home from the animal shelter. Those sweet companions make our lives so much richer and fuller and happier. I keep expecting to see Misty everywhere. Hugs to you and John. xo

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  50. I sit here sobbing after reading your post Suzan....I was so hoping this was not the news you had to share. I am so, so sorry to hear of your sweet Soda's passing. I cannot imagine the hurt your heart must be feeling today. I do hope that you can rest a little knowing you and John were right there with her until the end, surrounding her with your love. How precious that you rescued her as a puppy and were there for her when she left this world. I truly believe that there are animals in heaven. Praying for you as your heart heals. I know it will take a while...you lost a member of your family. Hugs and prayers to you and John.....Vicky

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  51. I'm so sorry Suzan and John! Been there, done that and I know and feel your pain. :( The first time we lost a much loved pet my husband and I cried for weeks. One of Gods special gifts to us are the pets we get to love and who love us back unconditionally.

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  52. We are so very sorry for your incredibly hard loss. A week ago Monday we lost our beautiful BA, a long haired black cat who had been with us for over 15 years. I didn't cry until I read your post. Your eulogy to your beautiful Soda is so beautifully written and your hearts are broken. Much love to you both. So glad you can console each other.

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    1. Oh Betty I'm so sorry to read this - they aren't with us nearly long enough. She was truly one of my kids - the last one at home in fact so her leaving us feels like the end of something huge......................
      Thanks so much for your kind words - it seems like a lot of us have gone through this lately.
      Much love to you
      xoxo

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    2. You are so sweet to think of us in your time of loss - many hugs to you and John. When sweet Soda comes to visit, it will fill you with such great peace. She certainly was a cutie! (Years ago I lost another sweetie and woke up in the night petting her. I swear she was in bed with us, lol.) xoxoxo

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  53. I feel your pain I realized that the kindest thing I could do for my Beau was take him out of his misery...it was hard it still hurts it has been a year but i still laugh when I think of him dragging my youngest son by the seat of his britches....and enough time has passed I rescued another LAb...named Bella...Gal I am praying for you....there no pain like the loss of a beloved pet....Sheryl

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  54. So very sorry for your loss, our pups become family and it leaves a huge hole in our lives and hearts when we say goodbye.
    Feeling your loss here and crying my eyes out.
    xo Pat

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    1. Thank you so much Pat............I'm hurting in a way I didn't think I would - I thought I was more prepared.
      Much love to you
      xox

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  55. Oh my goodness Suzan, this was such a heartbreaking, yet beautiful post. How loved your sweet girl was and is. We lost three pets within a year, so I know first hand the intense heartache and emptiness you are feeling. I pray you find comfort and smiles in the time you had with Soda and in remembering the joy she brought to your life. Praying for you! Jane

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  56. So sorry for your loss... I'm crying while I try to write this. Over the years...we've had to let two of our dogs go to the rainbow bridge. One lived to be 16 and another was 11... And saying goodbye is alway hard when we lose our beloved pets. Saying prayers for you in this painful time.
    Hugs,
    Cindy

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  57. Soda was a gift to you and you were a gift to her. The hurt will ease and those sweet little memories will be with you. Take care, dear freind.

    Chris

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  58. Omg. Let me add my tears to all of the others who expressed their sorrow for the huge loss that came from such a little body! I've had many cats over the years and one amazing black Lab. Sweetest dog EVER. Daisy. She died on the living room floor in front of my face. I had had NO CLUE anything was even wrong with her. I have beaten myself half to death over "what did I miss??" and cried until I could not breathe. That was almost 16 years ago and still feels like yesterday. And I've had cats forever and can't imagine my life without one. In May of this year I had to have my favorite cat (of 13 /12 yrs) put to sleep as he could no longer fight the ravages of his illness. He was the worst behaved cat I ever had but I never cared what he did; I forgave it all. My daughter called him my "little brown dog" as he followed me EVERYWHERE. The loss of Carter gutted me in a way that I know you understand, and I understand your pain as well. I want to throw things and puke and scream-- even still! The hole he left will never be filled. But I comfort myself in a couple ways. One: they (ALL of them) had the best life and care I could provide. Two: (I kid you not) every black Lab I have the honor of meeting looks in my eyes and I see my Daisy looking back. She is ok now and I know she is waiting for me. Last: when I see a cupboard door open, or papers spilled on the floor or a (plastic) POP BOTTLE ROLL ACROSS THE KITCHEN for no reason (the other 3 being nowhere near them), I know it's Carter stopping by to say "hi". Soda knows how much she was AND IS loved and is most likely bragging to the other fur-angels about you and John. Please know we all understand your grief. Cherish the good memories.

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    1. Reading all of these comments Linda makes me feel so much better................I went to bed last night praying Soda would visit me in a dream - she didn't .....................but then she always did things in her own time lol - never when we asked her to.
      So beloved..............John looked so lonely on the couch last night where she was ALWAYS curled up in a ball beside him - touching him - she ALWAYS had to be touching one of us.
      Much love to you
      xxx

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  59. Your grief is share by all of us, thanks to the wonderfully clear loving post you did today. We have known our dogs too, and felt their love and full attention, and if having to lose one, would know that all encompassing grief that follows. I never realised until we had to put our Sasha down because of old age and ill health, just how much they wind around your heart, and how it hurts so much when they leave us.. Thank you for sharing, but remember you did have all those precious days and years that those other evil people gave your family by being so destructive to her... hugs and many of them from across the pond.. janzi

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    1. Oh Jeannine - you made me think of my Mother's dog Sasha - my kids new their grandmothers as Nanny Sasha and Nanny Benji -
      I think I'm more stunned by the depth of dispair I feel over this than by anything...........I truly thought I was more prepared.
      Thanks SO much for your kind words - they mean so much
      XOXO

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  60. I am so very sorry fo your loss. May your lovely memories of her sustain you n your grief.

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  61. I am so sorry for your loss. Your post was so moving...it brought me to tears. I can hear how much Soda meant to you...blessings.

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    1. Thanks so much for your kind words - she meant the world to me.
      I would sometimes complain that I couldn't have a " pretty " bed because there was always an old blanket tossed on it for Soda - today I made my bed and broke down crying - why the hell did it matter to me at all? I'd give anything to have her laying on her old blanket right now. And so we move forward, right?
      Love to you xoxo

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  62. I'm sorry that Soda has passed, but what a wonderful life you gave her. She looks so prim and proper, and like she always had something to say even with an expression. xoxo Su

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  63. Oh my......how heartbreaking, I'm so sad and sorry for you both......((hugs)) :(

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    1. Thank you SO much - this outpouring of love has helped us - incredibly so - I've read every single comment to John.
      Yesterday was just terrible for us - hopefully today will be a little better.
      Much love,
      xoxo

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  64. Oh Suzan, I am so sorry, I know how much you loved that sweet little dog. I have two rescued dogs that I love so much. How people can treat them so badly, I will never know. She will always be in your heart, but just remember she loved you and John so much. They bring us such joy and happiness. I still think about all the dogs I have lost and remember them fondly,
    You are in my prayers - Soda will be waiting for you at the Rainbow Bridge.
    Hugs,
    Mary

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  65. Suzan,
    I so feel for you. I know how hard it is to have to let go of our furry friends who love us eveyday no matter what and are more faithful than humans sometimes. She had a lovely life with you and that's a comfort because you have many great memories with her to remember, even though for now I'm sure remembering is painful. Hugs,
    Magali

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  66. I know how hard it is to lose a pet you love so much. I'm sorry to hear about your Soda. :(

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  67. So sorry for your loss! I love my furbabies to the moon and back and know how it hurts to lose one! Sending a big hug to you and your hubby!

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    1. Oh boy Donna - I never expected the intensiity of this pain....................I've lost animals before and they all hurt but this one?
      It's brought us to our knees.
      Thanks so much for your kind words.
      xoxo

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  68. Oh Suzan , word's cannot even begin to express my condolences to you for the loss of your family member, little Soda ... I sit here and cry and try to reminisce of the good thoughts of my beloved 7lb 15yr old Pomeranian , Woody , who I had to put to sleep April 1st , 2015. It's as raw today as April 1st. My friend Robin had to put her little dog to sleep Tuesday this past week, Nikko was 16 and she is just devastated. We both were lucky , the vet's came to our home's to send them on their journey.
    You realize they're getting older and slower , but you never let yourself imagine life without them and all of a sudden the time comes. Soda had wonderful human parents and she knew how much she was loved :)) My heart aches and the tears flow for you both , you'll at least have the wonderful imprint and impact she made on your lives to remember and cherish her.
    Hug's to you both in this time of sadness, Tammy xoxo

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    1. Thank you SO much Tammy - we're devastated - yesterday was a terrible day for the both of us - getting through all the " firsts
      I never knew that vets made house calls or I would have went that route - although this was so fast that I don't think they'd have had time to get here........she was dying in my arms OMG I want her back - I know that's unreasonable but I just want her back.
      I'm so sorry to read about Woody - and I know how blessed we all are to have shared time on earth with these small angels - but the pain is just unbearable. Much love to you
      xoxo

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  69. Replies
    1. Thanks so much Lynn - this house feels too big and lonely now for just John and I - she was tiny but she filled the entire house for us.
      Thanks so much - pls say hi to BJ fo us
      xoxo

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    2. Can completely relate!! Our poodle is 14!

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  70. Suzan,
    I feel for you and John. The love of a furry family member is like none other. They don't judge, they just love. Soda will live on in your hearts and memories forever. We have a little pug named Sadie Mae, she is unable to use her rear legs, she has to wear huggies (she prefers the Disney princess ones), she has a little wheeled cart that we strap her In to take her for walks. She knows when it is time for her walk and starts whimpering till we get out her cart and get our jackets on. While in her cart she is invincible, she trots down the street and runs to anyone and everyone she sees because we all know that people need to pet pugs. This past year has been trying to say the least, she depends on us for everything and yet her spirits are still soaring. I cringe at the thought of the day we have to say goodbye to her. I only hope that I will be as gracious and loving as you were with Soda. Sweet dreams Suzan, hope she comes to visit you in your dreams very soon.

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    1. You know, I went to bed almost eagerly on Friday night - praying she'd come visit me in a dream - no such luck - Soda never did anything you asked her to - always did things on her own terms - always in her own time LOL.
      She was just the most precious little thing............we are truly empty nesters now and the house feels cold and too big. God love you and Sadie Mae - she sounds amazing - anyone who doesn't believe in angels hasn't loved a furbaby. Thanks so much for your kind words - xoxo

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  71. Suzan,
    This is heart wrenching. My heart is breaking for you. I know how much you loved Soda. Our fur babies are so precious and bring us such joy in life. I am praying for comfort for both you and John with this huge loss. I know this is sooo hard. Hugs.
    Kris

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  72. Oh my you got me with this one. It's so hard to say goodbye. My heart hurts for you. I'm glad I painted that picture for you. Hope it brings some comfort. Hugs and more hugs. Love you, my friend.
    Cecilia

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  73. I`m so sorry Suzan. She was so cute, your little dog.
    Sending a hug your way

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  74. Suzan , if you would , please email me your address . I had already commented on your blog about losing my little Pom ,Woody April 1st of this year . My heart has mourned for you and John all weekend over little Soda's loss. My email address I believe you can see ....??
    thompsontammy6463@gmail.com . I'm so , so sorry , I have a very special card I want to send to you ,if you'd allow me . Hug's and sorrow from my heart , Tammy xoxo

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  75. Well, now I'm crying. I know exactly how you feel. Hugs to you and John. Your post is so moving and real that I felt like I was crumpled on the sidewalk with you.
    I'm so, so sorry!
    Blessings to you.

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  76. Suzan, My heart is breaking for you and John. I am so sorry for your loss.
    Sending big hugs,
    Sherry

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  77. I am so sorry! Tears and hugs Suzan! I pray the days get easier for you and John. And memories of Soda bring only smiles. Love you girl!

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  78. May the love and memory of your Soda comfort and sustain you through this difficult time. Love to you and John

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    1. Thanks Laurayne - we're kind of numb right now - nothing feels " right " you know?
      xoxo

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  79. Oh Suzan.....with tears streaming down my face....remembering my beloved furbabies that are waiting with sweet Soda - at the Rainbow's Bridge....I reach out to hug you fiercely. I know your pain. I know the void you are feeling. I know the tears that spill from your heart, and mine mingle with yours. I. Am. So. Sorry....my friend. The days ahead will be difficult, and because I know you loved her as much as I loved my babies, even years from now, the memories will bring more tears. But know that she is happy, healthy, and loved in heaven. There will be no sweet dog in the future that will be able to take her place, but there IS one out there waiting for your special love. Take your time to grieve, and then listen for the sweet little bark of that special little pup who will fill your heart with love once again.

    Sending you love and hugs and prayers,

    xoxo laurie

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  80. So sorry Suzan. Your post made me cry and I don't own a dog right now. I too lost my dog and can't bring myself to get another. Praying for you both...You are truly blessed to have had such great memories with such a sweet soul. Hugs!!

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  81. So sad. I'm so very sorry for you and John. Hugs!

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  82. I'm so sorry, Suzan. This was heart wrenching to read, and I can only imagine how much grief you are feeling. May Soda rest in peace, and may the wonderful memories you have of her bring you some comfort. [[[hugs]]]

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    1. Thanks so much Martha - even just seeing the words rest in piece rips my heart open - I want her back................
      I know you " get " it
      Much love to you
      xox

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  83. 2 years ago, we experienced what you are going through and it was devastating. Our dogs are part of us and we had our sweet Dorje for 14 1/2 years. We got Lulu just 3 weeks after losing Dorje, but she remains in our hearts and we often call Lulu Dorje out of habit.

    We had not planned to get another dog so quickly, but Steve said our beach walks just didn't feel right without a dog.

    Thinking of you and John!

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  84. Suzan & John, I'm so sorry for the sadness and loneliness you are going through from having to say goodbye to that tiny bundle of personality. Tears are flowing as I read your tribute to Soda pup. I've been there too, nearly 20 years ago with my funny Gidget who loved to climb up high to see things better. It was a long time before I'd take a chance on feeling like that again, but for the last 10 years, Tweeder & Cowboy have kept me company, helped me laugh, & given me lots of love & good memories. I'm sending you both virtual hugs. Thinking of you!

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    1. Oh Nancy - thanks SO much - this hit us so much harder than either of us ever expected.
      There's another one in our future - for sure- but I need a little space in between
      Hugs back at you - and Tweeder and Cowboy :)
      xoxo

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  85. Almost a week has gone by--I apologize for not commenting earlier on. I am so happy that you and John have had this wonderful outpouring of love and comfort from so many of your readers. We all share in your sorrow--you wrote so beautifully and tenderly about Soda that, as others said above, tears welled up in my eyes. Hugs to you both from the Commonwealth of Virginia, USA.

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Due to a large amount of spam ( that I'm tired of going back to posts and deleting ) I'll be using comment moderation from now on !!!
Can I beat these spammers at their own game? Probably not - but I'm going
to try my damnedest !!!
xoxo