Thursday, July 23, 2015

A Friday Chat ( about this & that )

Good mornin' - Good mornin'
It's great to stay up late - good mornin' good mornin' to you !

I haven't been to bed yet - and I'm tired
How tired am I - you ask?

I'm so tired that even my boobs are taking a nap on my stomach.
While I sit up.
I'm sure if I got proper sleep they'd be all perky.

These are the things you do when you're really tired.

1)  Paint a ceiling - spill a quarter of the tin on a stone floor and spend an hour cleaning it up

2)  Sit outside and look at the stars for 20 minutes or so until you hear movement around the corner - run in the house and smash the door shut so loudly that you waken your better half

John yells downstairs - WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING ?
Suzan says - I think a murderer was coming into the back yard - I was in survival mode - sorry about that !
John says - IT'S THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT - WHAT ARE YOU DOING OUTSIDE?
Suzan says - taking a break from washing paint off the floor
John says - WHY ARE YOU PAINTING IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT?
John says - DO ME A FAVOR?  GO BACK OUTSIDE

3)  Stand at the back door and watch as a skunk comes ambling along -

4)  Shriek -

John yells - NOW WHAT?
Suzan says - OMG - THERE'S A SKUNK IN THE BACK YARD !
John says - Is it a murdering one?  Go pet it !

5) Finish painting the ceiling.................

6) Go upstairs and lay down on the bed - stare at the bedroom ceiling and wonder if it needs to be repainted as well..................sigh.

7) Finally start falling asleep....................until 10 minutes later when John gets up to go pee

8) Decide you should maybe go pee too

Suzan says - I'm exhausted
John says - Why don't you try sleeping at night like the rest of the world
Suzan says - Well I would - but you got up to go pee ...................
John says - That's rich

Anyway that's why I have saggy boobs - they're tired is all.
Nothing a good night's sleep wouldn't fix.
And I don't intend on getting a good night's sleep - because I'd be deflated if my theory isn't true.
I'd rather my boobs be deflated than my hope.
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We had a real dilemma when we moved into this place.
John always sleeps on the left side of the bed - I sleep on the right - the window - however - only opens on the left hand side.  ( John doesn't like the window open - I have to have it open )
After much debating we decided that we would keep things status quo - as long as he allowed the window to stay open Spring - Summer and Fall.
Menopause.
An open window does the body good.  I'd keep it open in the winter too if it didn't mean him leaving me.

I remember saying it was probably best to just let me take the left side and we would get used to it very quickly.
No way Jose...............he was pretty adamant.

The other night - in the middle of the night - I heard him cursing and mumbling under his breath.

John says - I'M SOAKING WET !
Suzan says ( thinking he was hot ) I have the fan on !
John says - IT'S POURING RAIN ALL OVER ME DAMN IT !!!!!!!!!!!

OMG - I'm still peeing my pants over it 3 days later.............the drops were literally bouncing off his head !

Hmmmmmmmm - does the right side of the bed seem feasible now, sweetheart?
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I keep an extra pair of sandals ( flip flops usually because they're just emergency footwear ) in my purse always.
There's nothing like walking the streets of Montreal barefoot late at night after an evening at the Just for Laughs festival  - which is what happened to me last year when my sandal completely removed itself from its sole.
But sometimes I forget there's an emergency pair and stick another pair in.
Last week we were shopping and I couldn't find my wallet - and while rummaging through my purse John spots 2 pairs of shoes in there.

John says - WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING WITH 2 PAIRS OF SHOES IN YOUR PURSE?
Suzan says - Shhhh - they're emergency shoes.
John says - What exactly are emergency shoes?
Suzan says - Don't be coy - you know what they are
John says - No I don't really -
Suzan says - It's in case my sandal breaks - remember that night when I had to walk barefoot?
John says - So what's the second pair for ?
Suzan says - You can never be over prepared when it comes to shoes John - never - what if the second pair broke too?
John says - Why don't you just bring a suitcase on wheels when you go out - that way you can keep extra sets of clothes as well in case you spill something on them.
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I very reluctantly type up this paragraph - because to complain about summer when you live in a 4 climate temperature zone seems almost sacreligious but.......................we've been having a crappy one.

Saturday, July 18, 2015, 5:10 PM -
Heat and humidity is a guarantee this weekend across southern Ontario and Quebec, with Sunday poised to be the most oppressive day as temperatures reach the 30s while Humidex values approach ridiculous.
Last weekend was horrible !   "Approaching ridiculous"  reads over 100 degrees for you Americans........ 
I don't know what to do any more - I hate the extreme cold and I hate the extreme heat.................and we get far too much of both of them here.  Moving further North is out of the question ( like Alaska ) because winters would be even colder and moving further South would mean summers would be even hotter.
Quite the dilemma wouldn't you agree?  Oh and I don't like Fall because it means Winter is right around the corner..............so I've only got Spring left now.  One lousy season.  I wonder if there's anywhere on the planet where it's Spring year long?  That's where I'm meant to be _________________________________________________________________________________
Someone approached me a few weeks ago about taking a photo shoot of my home. ( Montreal magazines )
After I laughed for 10 full minutes - I had to graciously decline ................this house in a magazine?  Unless there's a magazine titled WHAT TO BE CAREFUL OF WHEN BUYING A FIXER UPPER
Dear God !
WHY WHY WHY didn't they come to me when I was at my last house - a Victorian beauty in the heart of the city?
Of course not !
That's not the particular path my life follows ...............there's the easy way and than there's Suzan's way.
I always seems to be just a hop skip and a jump away from that yellow brick road !
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Donald Trump On John McCain's War Record: 'I Like People Who Weren't Captured'

Isn't that something?  Coming from a man who didn't serve?
I like people who know what the word R.E.S.P.E.C.T. means.
Keep up your twitter wars Mr Trump.............you come across as the most immature spoiled egomaniac on the planet at this point.
You're in it to win it?
Try thinking a minute

Before you open your mouth.

Which reminds me of one of my favorite expressions

" It's best to keep your mouth shut and be thought a fool - then to speak and remove all doubt "
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When David Sweat and Richard Matt broke out of prison they left a note in front of the sewer they escaped from.


And a lot of headlines read " Escaped convicts leave racist cartoon behind "

REALLY?

Has the world gone mad with political correctness or what?

Do all Asians have buck teeth?  Of course not.................

Do all white people have pointed chins and eyes that cover half of their faces and are spread apart like Bessie the cow and mouths that couldn't even comfortably accommodate a pea  - the way we're portrayed by Asian cartoons?   Of course not.............


Everyone needs to focus on real racism and not look for it when it's not there.  This is just a waste of everyone's time and completely ridiculous
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Our new stove arrived.
The legs had to be adjusted................
John grabbed the wrench - got down on the floor - and was still working on the first leg a half hour later when I walked into the kitchen.

John says - THERE'S SOMETHING WRONG WITH THE )*%$)(#* LEGS !
Suzan says - There's nothing wrong with the legs John
John says - Well we'll have to call someone to come in and do it - they make it too difficult.
Suzan says - WE ARE NOT CALLING IN A CONTRACTOR TO ADJUST THE LEGS ON A STOVE

OMG - how embarrassing.  Can you imagine paying someone to come do that?  And he would !

Suzan says - It's not complicated - I don't underst-
John interrupts - John says - HERE MISS KNOW IT ALL  - YOU TRY - YOU NEVER BELIEVE ME
And he left the room.

I got down on the floor and was just finishing adjusting the 2 front legs when he walked back in.

John says - Here - give me the damn wrench - I'll do the 2 back ones..............
Suzan says - Are you sure?  I don't mind
John says - Just give it to me

to which he promptly turned until the leg fell out completely - he tried to catch it - missed and cursed as it rolled across the ( slanted ) kitchen floor and disappeared.

I had to run into the mud room because I didn't want him to hear me laughing..................sometimes it just isn't appropriate, you know?
Or safe.
He had a wrench in his hand.

Later on

John says - I'm not an appliance man, you know

Does that mean I'm an appliance woman?
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I think I'm going to add a grocery story to these Friday Chats ................

I'm not allowed to do the groceries -
I've very seriously been banned...............it was hard at first ( but I've grown to love it to be very honest with you )

So.............I make a list and off Mr. Wood goes to get the groceries.

Most of you know that John has a hard time with my lists - so this week when I saw these on sale

I asked him to come to the computer to SEE exactly what I wanted -
I said the word LIME-A-RITA at least 4 times - thinking if I said it out loud it would register when he saw it.
I explained that it was like a Margarita - I made him look at the Margarita glass on the box.

I wrote down on the list :

1 CASE OF BUD LIGHT LIME-A-RITA - MAKE SURE IT'S LIME-A-RITA PLEASE
IT SAYS MARGARITA WITH A TWIST ON THE BOX - THANKS !

and when I was completely confident that he knew what to get - I.handed the list to him and waited for him to get home with the groceries - anticipating a cold glass of the above.

He came home with this


John says - I don't know why it showed it with a Margarita glass in the flyer - it doesn't have them on it at all.
Suzan says - THAT WOULD BE BECAUSE YOU DIDN'T GET THE LIME-A-RITA !!!!!!!!!!
John says - It's the same bloody thing !

OMG - this goes on with at least 3 to 4 items every single week !

I don't even like Bud Light -  it was the lime-a-rita that was appealing to me !

So if you want to stop by this weekend...............




This bud's for YOU 

Have a wonderful day one and all !
Much love
Me
XOX

12 comments:

  1. LOL!
    About the sides of the bed, we switched for HIM to have the open window a few years ago and stayed that way. I just am still, not comfortable on the right side, it just doesn't feel good.
    About the shopping, that would drive me CRAZY, so I would have to do it myself.

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  2. Oh Suzan, your Friday's This and Thats are just priceless. I don't know where to start...no sleep, so saggy boobs...great theory! I won't try that one out either because like you I couldn't handle the disappointment. Lol. Rain falling on John's head, haha, him not getting the Lime-a-Rita, omg too funny/irritating, don't get me started on Donald Trump or politics for that matter - I'm sick of it all! The heat...girl, I live in that climate 90% of the time...I'd settle for two seasons - Spring and Fall. I absolutely dislike cold so I guess I'll stick with the heat.
    Whee! We finished the bathroom. I'll be sharing the reveal next week. The buffet is gorgeous as my new vanity!
    Have a great weekend. We're off to a grape stomp!
    Hugs,
    Cecilia

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  3. I love the deflated boobs theory!

    Come for a visit; I'll make you a fantastic margarita!

    Cheers!

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  4. LOL - so that is what is wrong with my boobs. :-)) They are sleepy. LOL
    You are so fun!
    Carla

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  5. I love coming by to see what's up with you and getting a good laugh.

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  6. OMG!!! I did not run out of the room so I hope he hasn't heard me laugh from here! We have the same window situation, he wanted to stay on the left. I get into bed and am just starting to doze and he starts whining about how cold he was yadda, yadda. so now I leave a throw blanket at the foot of the bed. Just being thoughtful! We had 2 skunks which were convinced that THIS was the place to honeymoon. Ah ah .... our dogs hollered and screamed 1/2 way across the acre between us and the neighbours. Then their dog hollered and screamed them to the strip of trees separating us. No one wants the skunks, it was like dodge ball! Finally after a week they left, hopfully never to return. Hope they passed by the porcupine and told him to fuggetaboutit. Still chuckling about the rain on his head. Yes, brutal humidity. Canada - not for the weak. I had 2 fans on me last night, he's been away so the whining will start up again soon. Sorry to hear about the spilled paint, that sucks. And the magazine ... I think my life runs on Suzan Time too! Enjoy your weekend. xo Patty

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  7. Hey Suzan.... in Texas miles I'm not far from Cecilia.... our heat index is 100+ these days, too. Can't believe it gets that hot up there where you are! I thought you guys would have 70-degree summers! Bursts my bubble about moving to Canada! *** Can't you take the beer back to the store ? John's a hoot !

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  8. Have you veer thought of doing stand-up? Seriously....you have me laughing so hard every time I read your Friday posts, and I am work. My eyes are watering you have me laughing so hard...
    Thanks!! My week always ends on a hilarious note...

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    Replies
    1. I had a nightmare once Lisa ( I talked about it on one of my chats ) that I was with all you guys and you pushed me up on the stage.................and someone yelled GET HER OFF - lmho !!!!!!!!
      Think I'll stick to my blog - maybe a book :) - who knows !
      Thanks SO much though - you warmed my heart !
      Now dry your eyes - you're at work for heaven's sakes LOL
      XOXOXO
      xoxo

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  9. Haha. I enjoyed every word of this post, Suzan! I think New Zealand had the climate you're looking for...but I also think you have to be independently wealthy and get an invitation to live there. Evidently their immigration rules are a tad stricter than ours. Considering that we no longer have borders. Loved the post. Have me a good laugh. :-))

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  10. Here's a good one about racism for you: Hulk Hogan has been ERASED from the WWE website apparently for some private conversation he had 8 years ago.

    So, THAT'S why I have saggy boobs! Thank goodness I have a belly to hold them up off the floor!

    How do you figure out what side of the bed you're on? While you're laying on it or standing of the floor looking at it from the foot of the bed? If it's while you are laying on it, are you on your back or belly sleeping? It really doesn't matter, because I know that I'm NOT the one closest to the bathroom. When we move, that is somehow going to change so that we both have equal access!

    Speaking of which — living in a different house is going to be so odd. Everything is going to be in a different place. Even the rooms aren't going to have the same purpose. The eat-in area of the kitchen might be the computer "room", or will it be the end or dining room near the window? (There aren't "enough" windows. I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing just yet!) The master bedroom (with an en suite) is going to be the sewing and paper/other craft area, or will that go in the living room? Dunno...We are visiting it with the appraiser on Tuesday. He'll do his inspecting, and we'll be measuring!

    Anyway...thank you for the late Friday/early Saturday laugh.

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Due to a large amount of spam ( that I'm tired of going back to posts and deleting ) I'll be using comment moderation from now on !!!
Can I beat these spammers at their own game? Probably not - but I'm going
to try my damnedest !!!
xoxo