Come in - grab yourself a coffee and some cookies - I've been basically baking for a week now.
For food in particular.
Does anyone else get embarrassed by what's on the roller thingamajig ( conveyor belt ? ) when you load up your groceries?
Say if it's filled with a lot of sweets or junk?
I try to load up all that garbage first so it's gone and then all the healthy food choices are left for the person behind me to study.
I do that you know.
I watch the person in front of me unload theirs and I make all types of assumptions.
Try to figure out their lives from their tell-tell food shopping.
Oh this one lives alone................
Wow - they give their children a lot of crap
Tsk Tsk - too much soda pop
Sometimes I see something I want and have to weigh the odds of stepping out of line and sprinting around the store trying to find it AND make it back in time for my turn.
Like I'm on a game show.
I don't go often - I'm actually forbidden to go because I have no control - but when I do................
When I was a kid my mother would scrape food off my plate if I didn't finish it............and finish it herself.
Makes sense I suppose.............it's family after all.
But I can't do that.
Even with my kids ( although I was one of those tyrants that made them eat every drop off their plates - I look back sometimes and just cringe at how controlling I was ) but I could never have shared a drop of food even with my own offspring.
One of those quirks I suppose.
Saliva can not be shared.
Unless YOUR willing to share it FIRST..............as in let me have the first bite -
I have no qualms about my saliva being shared - I just can't handle the thought of some of yours in my mouth.
My friends all knew to give me my own little bowl of dip at parties - all of them - or I couldn't have any at all.
I was aware of double dipping long before Jerry Seinfeld brought it to everyone's attention.
Last weekend I baked.
And before freezing I put out a container of mixed cookies for us.
I opened it up a couple of days later to find 2 cookies that had been bitten into !!!
Now keep in mind that John and I are empty nesters. So it's only him and I that could have taken a bite and it wasn't me.
Suzan says - DID YOU TAKE BITES OUT OF THE COOKIES AND PUT THEM BACK?
John says - No - as he chuckles
Suzan says - I can't believe you would do that - now I can't have any of them
John says - Don't be ridiculous - I might have taken a sample of a couple of them
Suzan says - Don't you realize your saliva stays on the cookies - omg - I'm going to be sick
John says - You sound like a CSI agent for Christ Sakes -
John says - Should I put gloves on before taking a cookie?
Suzan says - It's not your fingerprints I'm concerned about.....................
John says - Why did you put chocolate mint in so many of them ?
AHA - there's the proof !
The Politcally Correct Police are at it again - this time their focus is the " Ugly Christmas Sweater "
OCD - of which I am one of the lucky recipients to have - in this case stands for Obsessive Christmas Disorder ( of which I also have )
Target has been accused of making light of mental illness................
How ridiculous are we all getting at this point?
I think it's a fun play on words personally - I may just buy two of them ( because I can't buy 1 of anything - part of the disorder ) Hey ! Maybe that's what they were aiming for - double the sales !!!
And then just because................
There's the Jewish version............
Chai means Life...........and is pronounced High ( with a bit of phlegm involved and I can say that because my Grandfather was Jewish and I toast " L'chaim " to his memory every year )
Chai Maintenance - High Maintenance
I think it's brilliant - really I do ( of which I'm one of the lucky ones to be high maintenance )
and the J.A.P. ? - Jewish American Princess?
I've been called that since I was 10 years old - that's the truth - especially by my Jewish friends.
I was baptized a Roman Catholic and I'm not offended when I'm called it.
Who are these people that sit and pounce on anything they feel isn't " kosher " ? Pun intended !
Sharon from AT RIVERCREST COTTAGE asked if John had an accent - like James Bond.
John does in fact have an accent ( he swears he doesn't ) but it's a Yorkshire accent - not as posh as a London one.
Half the time I didn't know what he was saying when we first started dating -
As in :
Tatties - HATE that word - I absolutely hate it - it sounds too much like Titties to me - and I hate that word too. Anyway it means potatoes,
But the first time John said it to me we were still in the dating stage - and I had made him dinner - he told me something to the effect that he LOVED my tatties..............and I thought - wow - he can't even wait to finish dinner?
Anyway - I flashed him - very quickly - showing him my tatties and he almost choked on his POTATOES.
We still laugh at that.
Here's some other Yorkshire ( isms ) I've indicated the words John uses..............although he says he grew up hearing all of them
Allus - always ( still says from time to time )
Band - rope
Beck - stream
Bray - to hit
Chuffed - very excited - or proud ( says often )
Faffin' - messing around - " quit faffin' around " ( says often )
Flit - moving out of your home ( still says from time to time )
Flummox - confused ( still says from time to time )
Frame - move it !
Fratch - fight ( still says from time to time )
Gaffer - Boss
Ginnel - narrow alley - only enough for 2 people to get through ( heard him say it once or twice )
Lig - lazy or laying down
Lug oil - ear hole
Mashin - brewing tea ( still says often ) NOT mashing tatties - or God forbid titties
Maungy - spoiled - acting like a baby ( still says from time to time )
Midden - out house ( John says it's the outhouse shithole - see ? NOT posh at all )
Mind - watch out ! ( says constantly )
Nobbut - nothing - " nobbut to do "
Nowt - nothing ( still says from time to time )
Owt - anything
Parky - cold outside ( still says - often - hey he moved to Canada ! )
Peff - cough
Playin' Pop - getting into trouble ( John's Mother said it often apparently )
Silin' - heavy downpour " it's silin' it down " ( still says from time to time )
Sneck - Nose ( John's favorite expression - " keep your sneck out of it "
Spell - a splinter - OR - a time frame
Spanish - Licorice
Spice - Candies
Stalled - fed up ( still says from time to time )
Suited - pleased
Sup up - drink up ! ( still says from time to time )
Think on - remember ( still says often )
John swears he moved to Montreal to teach us colonists how to speak English properly...............I think he came here to learn it myself.
Yesterday in my shower I shaved all my lady parts - under my arms - legs - bikini line - you know.
The shaver was blunt - really blunt but it was the last one I had so I just continued shaving away hoping at least some of the hair would be removed.
Got out of the shower and while I was moisturizing myself ( I can actually hear it getting sucked into my skin that's how dry it is ) I noticed it was like I hadn't shaved.
So I turned around to grab the razor and throw it out when I noticed the plastic protector cap was still on it.
I shaved my entire body with the cap covering the blade.
Very methodically I might add.
Dear God - I'm becoming my grandmother............really I am.
And on one last note.
My thoughts this weekend will be in California................
Sometimes I wish there was a time machine I could buy a one way ticket for.
I'm not over Paris yet and now this - the world feels broken in thousands of pieces.
So does my heart.
Prayers for all.
California dreamin' on such a winter's day.