Monday, September 8, 2014

A Black eyed Suzan.............................

Is a black - eyed Susan, by any other name.

The story goes that my Mom and Dad were out for a Sunday afternoon drive - I was there too - safely snuggled inside my Mother's belly.

I was nameless - even though I was due to enter the world at any moment.
They bickered about names - never finding one they could both agree on - until they passed a field of Black Eyed Susan's - and my Dad turned to my Mom - patted her belly and said
" That's my Black Eyed Suzan "
( he's the one that insisted Susan be spelled with a Z by the way )
I suppose if I had of been a boy - he would have come up with " A boy named Sue " long before
Johnny Cash did.

I've always loved this story.
My Dad passed away when I was very young (you can read a little on my thoughts about my Dad HERE )
and as anyone who knows - when you lose a parent at a young age - these stories become precious -
they take the place of memories and become the hugs you missed out on.
I have lots of them - but this one is by far my favorite.

Needless to say, black eyed Suzan's have always held a special place in my heart.  ( I have blue eyes btw - so technically I'm a blue eyed Suzan )

I've tried to grow them over the years but I've never had luck with them - EVER - they always grew in scraggly and sparse - so I've made it a point to buy a few batches in the Fall to place around the house.............

If you've been following this journey of ours, you know that there was a day last Spring
when we discovered a Tree that made us feel like maybe this is where we were supposed to be
at this time in our lives..........( HERE )
But that was nothing, absolutely nothing, compared to this
A big giant hug from my Dad !!!
They're everywhere !!!
Huge sections of them!

Enough for me to have many many small hugs all over the house

It dawned on me that I had never shared the story of my name with anyone - not even my children.
Just never thought of it I suppose.
Which is a little strange - since every single time I see that flower I think of it.

Last week I wrote an ODE TO A NEW BORN GIRL  (  HERE ) sorry - but you have to read it for the next part of this to make sense ( too many links I know - but they all kind of go with this post - and this is the last one I promise LOL )
The next morning this was in my inbox...............from one of my daughters - in response to that ode.
The reference to the Black Eyed Susan did me in.........

(I was a single Mom for 10 years or so - so lots of things I wish I could have changed in their lives and all of the guilt that goes with can only know what I mean by that if you've left your children's Father - today I see that it was the only choice I could have made - but I second guessed that decision for a very long time - and still harbor guilt )

To my Mom

You will learn eventually, that our choices are not on you,
And it was you who taught us well enough to know that.

You will see through our eyes that the mistakes you think you made were not mistakes at all,
but accidents that led to moments, which led to life and gave us experience.

You will understand that the guilt you harbor inside is,
At the end of the day, for doing your best, and that you need
To forgive yourself for things we never blamed you for.

You will see your own beauty, not because we do but simply because it is there, and it is real.
So real.

You will watch 3 very different children lead 3 very different lives and this is something to celebrate; it means you raised 3 individuals instead of drones.

You will inevitably become tired of our opinions and with us voicing them, but know that you raised us with the courage to do so, to speak even when speaking out wasn’t and still isn't, the norm.
That while it may not always be the case, at times we have used the voices you helped us find
to help others 
Others who didn’t have a mother strong enough to help them find theirs.

You will realize that we realized long-ago that we are blessed.

And you will see that even though I am not a fan of flowers, I am a fan of you. 
My very own Black-Eyed Suzan.

♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

Mom says - Lindsay, did I ever tell you how I got my name?
Lindsay says - No
Mom says - Do you have a second?  I have a story........................

Have a wonderful day everyone 

Much love
From me to you

The blue eyed

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  1. Suzan, your post this morning was beautiful in many ways. I enjoyed the Black Eyed Susan naming story...lovely. I remember your post from last week (or the week before) with your "Ode"....simply beautiful, BUT the poetic note from your daughter was what did me in. I needed to read every word of that this morning to settle some guilt within me and then I needed to share it with my mother (a single mother) to help her resolve a long harbored guilt as well. Thank you for sharing "Lindsay" with me, for being so transparent that, most likely un knowingly to you, you really initiated a process of healing for two other mothers, one in Canada and one in South Carolina! Love you!

    1. Oh my gosh Laurayne - what is it with guilt and women? It's like we take a daily dose of it with our coffee in the morning..............
      Much love to you AND your Mom
      And thanks so much for your kind words.
      Much love,

  2. What a priceless message from your daughter, and what a great, great story. Two things I was thinking (the second one, you answered in the post). 1) You get the bickering with John honestly - you mention how your mom & dad were bickering over names. :) and 2) when you said you couldn't get BES to grow, I thought, if they grow at this house, you'll know it's the one.
    This post is so full of serendipity, and I love your signoff.

    1. Serendipity - I like that Rita ♥
      Thanks so much ( and yes I come by bickering honestly lol )

  3. oh my gosh, the tears are making this hard to type but I will tell you this, I will read this again and again,its is the most beautiful story, thank you so much for sharing and for being you,,

  4. What a beautiful story!!! And I love what Lindsay wrote to you, thank you for sharing that. Sounds like you have raised a caring respectful daughter, and you should be so proud of her. I truly do love her words. And a good Daddy-Daughter story gets me every time, I was very close to my father. Another great post, miss Sunshine Suzan!!!!! XOXOXOX Karen

    1. I AM so proud of them Karen - thanks so much for your sweetness - every single time you comment -
      Much love,

  5. Suzan.
    This post touched my Mom heart. What a precious thing when our children come back to us with appreciation and thankfulness. There is so much guilt that comes with being a parent.
    Thanks for sharing this today.

    1. Thank you so much Pam ! It WAS a gift reading that, without a doubt.
      And thanks so much for coming by!

  6. I love this. As the mother of three, who also left her children's father, I get it... so much. I also have a huge patch of Black-Eyed Susans. They multiply each year. You can even take out a clump and replant somewhere else in your garden quite easily.

  7. I am commenting, but not adding my own words. This post needs no further sentiment, it is perfectly perfect.

  8. Tears as I read . . . and a desire to go out and buy some Black Eyed Susans for the table.

    Have a lovely day!

  9. Suzan, I missed the previous post you mentioned and just read it. It is so beautifully written. And the response from your daughter is so sweet! Wow. I have a bouquet of black eyed Susan's in the house too and a huge lot of them growing in my garden. When I drive to town I have seen them in many yards and gardens along the way. They really stand out this year. Have a beautiful afternoon. Hugs. Pam

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  11. Sounds like you did a damn fine job of raising the girls ~

  12. Someone bring me a box of Kleenex, please.
    Beautiful post, Blue Eyed Suzan.
    Just beautiful.

  13. Such a lovely post and what a wonderful note from your daughter. Despite what you may have thought about your decision, it sounds like you did a fantastic job as a single mom!

  14. What a wonderful and beautiful surprise in those Black-Eyed Susans! God creates so many opportunities for us to realize joy, peace and reassurance. I am so glad that He sent you those wonderful flowers from your dad! You have obviously raised some wonderful children!

    1. Amen Lynn - it IS indeed a gift ( so are my children )

  15. Oh how beautiful, I have tears. Three wonderful children - how lucky you are. Your a great mother Suzan and thank you for sharing this beautiful story.

  16. Another beautiful post Suzan! Love your Blue-eyed Suzan!

  17. Awwwww. What a treasure to have, 3 great children who call you Mom. And bunches of flowers waiting for you to find them and share the story. Patty

  18. What a sweet and beautiful story, Suzan! We always referred to my younger sister, Susie, as "Black-Eyed Susan", because she did have beautiful, dark brown eyes, where most in my family had blue. Sadly, she passed away at a young age, but I always think of her when I see these flowers blooming in my garden, and I love them all the more because of the reminder. I just love what your daughter wrote to you. You've done well in raising your kids!

  19. sniff, sniff...excuse me a minute...there, all better. What a very touching story - I love your daughter's response to your poem and have grasped it to erase my guilt in this journey called motherhood. Thank you, blue-eyed Suzan, for sharing. You're wonderful!
    Oh and can I say how sweet it is to discover all the black-eyed susans blooming in your yard? I felt the same when I discovered blue irises in mine...only it was hugs from my mom. sigh. :o)

  20. What a precious post Suzan...I love the story of how you got your name and what your daughter wrote to you was just beautiful. Thanks for sharing with us...:)

    Blessings, Vicky

  21. /what a wonderful story, Suzan. I bet your Mom had a few tears in her eyes when she told you that story. Yes- we all feel a bit of guilt for things we did, or worse, didn't do concerning
    our kids. II think we need to just remember that we did the best we could with the knowledge we were given at that time in our lives.

    Wonderful post, Suzan. xo Diana

  22. I actually thought you were going to tell us that you got a black eye when I read the title and as I was reading I became teared up, and a little snotty from this post! Beautiful Suzan!

  23. Wonderful post!!! I pray everyday that I don't screw up my children! It's hard not to feel guilty. I need to print this post and frame it Suzan :-)

  24. Suzan that is a beautiful story but an even more beautiful response from your daughter. Well done on raising such wonderful kids. Have a great day.

  25. Thanks for sharing both your words and your daughter's! The story about your mom & dad is just wonderful...and that your daughter, not knowing the story, came along with such a thoughtful note that included that same phrase...Wow! Just Wow! You are truly blessed! :-)

    1. I was dumbfounded when she wrote that - and very teary eyed
      I AM blessed
      Thanks so much Nancy for your kind words

  26. Such a wonderfully sweet story Suzan. Thank you so much for sharing it with Share It One More Time. Cathy

  27. This is such a PRECIOUS story. You have a lovely name and it is so meaningful!

  28. I love knowing that your name has special meaning. Mine kinda came by accident, too a nd I'm glad considering what the other choice was. The words from your daughter are ones to treasure.

    1. Thanks so much Lulu - yes they are words to treasure !!!

  29. What a lovely story Suzan! And what lovely flowers to be named after. I lost my dad at a very young age too (before I turned 2), so I can relate to how it feels to hang on to each and every story that you know, as well as longing for those hugs.
    Thank you for sharing. Hugs to you.

  30. I forget to share my stories sometimes but when I do our kids like it epspecially our adopted ones. Thank you for sharing one of yours.

  31. Suzan, I loved this story! I remembered that you and I had that in common. (Losing our fathers at a young age). I love Black Eyed Susans! Your blue eyed one made me smile. I love how they reseed and just show up all over in my garden. They are strong and full of life. . .just like you!! Thanks for sharing with SYC.

  32. Incredible post in so many ways...the story of your name, black-eyed suzans growing like crazy and of course the beautiful note from your daughter. Wow. You are one amazing mom!

  33. Love these picture of the Black Eye Susans Thanks for sharing this on Fabulous Friday


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