Tuesday, January 6, 2015

A hole in a tiny heart.....................

Once upon a time there were.......................

2 Brothers.
One was frail - born with a hole in his tiny heart - that took many operations to correct.
He was coddled - over protected - and over compensated for.
His brother was more robust - far healthier - and like is so often the case - overlooked because his brother was a constant source of worry to their parents.

2 Brothers.
One quite spoiled because of circumstances.
One always trying to find the love the parents seemed to mostly show the other.
One constantly praised.
One always in " trouble " for something or other .

2 Brothers.
One very articulate - able to speak his mind in whatever fashion he chose - without any scolding.
The other developing a stutter trying to get his broken words out as quickly as he could - before the attention was inevitably transferred to his little brother.
Mostly being told to " spit it out for God's Sakes ! "

2 Brothers.
The little boy with the hole in his tiny heart, thrived.
He married a girl whom his parents approved of.
The healthier boy married a girl who was Catholic - the wrong religion completely.
He was always doing the wrong thing...............

Until his first child was born - the first grandchild !
A girl !
The first girl born on his Father's side in too many years to count !
He finally did something right.
And the joy that this brought to the parents slowly erased the painful memories of
a boy who was denied the emotional connections he so desperately needed.
His stutter disappeared.
He walked a little taller - the future was bright and there was a whole lifetime ahead of them all.
To make peace - to forgive - to embrace - to erase..................

Except there wasn't.
The little boy with the hole in his heart is a strong healthy man today - 78 years later.
The healthier boy?
Well he was gone not long after his 29th birthday - because what they didn't know - couldn't know -
was that a brain aneurysm beats a hole in a tiny heart.

He left a widow of 24 years old to raise children as a single Mother.

His Father drove into a brick wall the day he lost him - an unsuccessful suicide attempt.
He fell to his knees in the hospital screaming " No God - Please No God - I can't bear it "
He had to be sedated but when he finally stood up people swore he was half the size forever more, the stoop in his back was so pronounced.
His Mother had to be restrained from throwing herself in the grave at his funeral - not being able to bear being separated from her first born.
All that love..................from the core of their being - ( and there is no doubt it was there ) being expressed just a little too late.

They showered his children with more love then they probably showed even the boy with 2 holes in his tiny heart.
They were coddled - over protected - and over compensated for -  of which they had much experience.
They were fiercely protective of them - they spoiled them and loved them unconditionally - perhaps in hopes that their Son could witness it from beyond.

But his passing left a hole in each of their hearts.................that no operation could fix.

They've long since joined their boy -
The little boy with the hole in his tiny heart went on to have a very successful career.
The widowed bride remarried.
And that first born grandchild?
She has a blog where she sometimes shares just a little too much............................

He was their Son -
I am his daughter -
At 55 I've been on this earth almost double the time he was granted
I wish I could hug him.
Just hug him.
He left a tiny hole in my heart too.

A tough lesson in the importance of loving unconditionally.

Have yourselves a wonderful day
I'll fill you in on how Mother Nature bit me after my last chat on how Spring like it was here in Montreal
AND how my new camera died.................( which is why you're left with only words for today's post )
Much love
( unconditional of course ! )


  1. beautiful,,, sad but so lovely, thank you for sharing this,,,

  2. Ah Suzan, the things that shape our lives. Your post definitely brought back a lot of childhood memories for me. With 5 children, my Mom always said that each of hers were her favorite!!! We lost her too early and the as a result the family is fractured. So it is. Have a beautiful day, I am preparing for the polar plunge, down to 2 degrees tomorrow!!! Brrrrrrrrr. XOXOXOXOXOX Karen

    1. So it is Karen - there's things we can change and things we can't, right?
      You do the polar plunge?
      Good luck - I can't imagine it !!!

  3. You usually make me laugh, but today you've made me cry. What a sad, yet sweet story.I'm sure your father would be proud of you!

  4. Oh my goodness, Suzan. I was reading and reading and thinking, 'she's becoming a writer of short stories now', but when I got to the end I was surprised that the story was about you, your father, your grandparents! You tell the story beautifully, my friend, and what a lesson it holds. Thank you for sharing a personal side of you that we didn't know. It's beautiful and sad and thought provoking. ~~~ It certainly is a cold day here at -20 and a wind chill of -30 or more! I'm sorry your new camera died! wow. I hope it can be replaced for free (under warranty??). Stay warm my friend. Hugs. Pam

  5. Usually I am laughing and chuckling through your posts . . . tears in my eyes today!

  6. Such a sad story but wonderfully written. Now I need a "John says" post to erase my tears.

  7. {{{{{{{{UnconditionalLove}}}}}}}}

  8. Beautiful and sad... and a very true lesson. It's a diffiucult year for me as two pupils in my school died in two months... More than ever I think we must enjoy the time we have on this Earth and tell people we love that we do. By the way, you're part of the people I love.

  9. And all written by a woman with a huge heart she shares regularly... with her family and her blog family.
    Not everyone gets to meet their grandparents or extended family even if they aren't adopted.
    We each have our own stories ... that makes each of us magnificent and Blessed in ways it often takes a long time to appreciate.
    Happy Healthy New Year Suzan and all!
    ~ Christina

  10. And suddenly the hole is made whole <3

  11. Suzan, quite emotional. I wonder how long it took for you to decide to write this, and then find the words to do so. I'm curious.... who told you the story ? Your uncle ? Your mom ? These things aren't usually shared inside a family, but I'm glad you learned of it.

  12. Your words so eloquent, so beautiful touched my heart today. Thank you for sharing such a tender reminder to be ever watchful of our words and to show our love deeply to all our children, spouses, relatives, friends, to each soul we encounter for we never know just how much that love and kindness is needed.

  13. No words...just admiration and a hug

    1. Thanks so much Marie - how kind of you
      I'm hugging you right back

  14. I'm so sorry about this. I understand completely. Bless you, Suzan.

  15. No one tells a story like you. Unconditional love is so important. My mom gave to all three of us. No I don't think I'm perfect, I was a typical teenage girl. The one thing I pride myself in, is the women I became and that is from my parents. I lost my mom at 26. Something I never thought I'd recover from. She was my strength and I had moments with in my early 20's I wouldn't change for anything. Wish my brothers did the same and learned from their mistakes. They haven't and are not good to my dad. We had and have great parents


  16. Beautifully written Suzan thank you for sharing! Words can be much bigger than a photo ;-)

  17. I normally leave here laughing, but this lovely, heartfelt post left me with tears in my eyes. Beautifully written Suzan...you truly have a way with words. Thanks for sharing....Hugs, Vicky

  18. Sometime parents are blind to the children that need extra love and help. All children in the family should be treated equal and loved the same.

  19. You've touched my heart! I gave both my beautiful children an unconditional loving hug today...in honor of your post!

  20. Beautiful Suzan so sweet and loving. Thanks for sharing your heart with us.

  21. Love you so much girlfriend! You truly have a gift for writing and a story to tell!

  22. A sad story, but beautifully written. I'm sure your dad is one proud papa. You'll get your hug one day.

  23. Well, this has me bawling like a baby...all the way thru your story, I was scared to get to the end...couldn't decide if if was you or John......you will indeed see your daddy someday and you can hug him for eternity.

  24. Oversharing. I saw a segment on the word on the news show and thought...hmmm. Maybe I shouldn't spill my guts at the checkout stand. Maybe I shouldn't cry at every Hallmark commercial. hmmm. nahhhh. thank you for being another over-sharer. We couldn't get through the week without me reading Wild Bill one of your conversations with John.

  25. Oh Suzan, this really gripped me. This is one that will linger in my mind as I recount the tale again and again. And what an open and loving person you are, dear blog friend. A tragic account you shared with us, but one with such important lessons. Blessings on you.

    On a different note, please tell choirboy that it looks like we'll be visiting both York Minster and Durham Cathedral in March, if all goes well. I will think of him at Evensong. :-)

  26. I'm usually laughing when I read your blog...but today, like others I have tears in my eyes.

  27. Just as I'm catching up with my favorite blogs instead of finishing an assignment to write my own 'sad' parental story, your story touches my heart - and inspires. Thank you for beautifully written words.

  28. Touching story Suzan. We really don't know how fortunate we are really. Stay warm... this is starting to look like a long spell.

  29. I wonder if your dad knows I shed tears for his young self. I hope so. It is a sad story, beautifully told and your love for your dad shines through this piece. I want to hug little Suzan who lost her Daddy and must still be looking for him, as if he might be around the very next corner.

  30. Bittersweet, Suzan. You have a heart as big as your smile. Another beautiful post Suzan!

  31. What a lovely (and lyrical) post. I am an emotional basketcase at the best of times and anything relating to fathers always tips me over the edge. I lost my wonderful, incomparable Daddy 12 years ago, I miss him every single day and your story reminds me how incredibly lucky I was to have him in my life for so long. One day we will both be able to give our fathers that hug and the holes in our hearts will be truly healed....

  32. Lovely post. Tears falling at such a sad yet hopeful message. Hugs!

    1. Thank you Nancy - hugs right back

  33. I know this is a blog post, but it could have easily been a gripping short story, and as I read, it turned into a mini documentary that captured my own heart, as it so poignantly illustrates the same feelings that, although coming from different circumstances, in the depths of our being, the pain is the same. Thank you for sharing some of what makes you so familiar to us.

    BIG hugs,

  34. (I'm behind on my blog reading) You really have a way with words, you should be writing a book. I was fortunate to have my dad until 10 years ago and I miss him every day.


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