TICT # 4 ( Total Couture Tuesday )

Morning all!
It's here - Total Tuesday Couture.
I want to start this post off by saying the SLOBS LADIES that are hosting this party are all complete nutcases - you have to understand that before you go further.............( we're all missing a vital blog gene it would seem )
We are in no way making fun of the fabulous " What I Wore Wednesday " series - which shows people looking their best - ALL we are doing is making fun of ourselves - because - well - that's what we do best.

I paint furniture.
A lot of furniture.
And for some reason I often paint furniture in my pj's - because:
A)  If I can't sleep at night I simply slip out of bed and grab a paintbrush
B)  Sometimes it's the first thing I do when I wake up
C) Often it's the last thing I do before I climb into bed.
D) I've grown quite fond of them

So my Total Couture Tuesday is about my pj's and John's horrified reaction to having to take photos

Suzan says - I need you to take some photos for the blog
John says - Sure - tell me when you're ready
Suzan says - I AM ready
John says - What the hell..............oh no you don't................
Suzan says - I don't want to have to go into a long story about this John - I just need you to take photos - that's all - that's it - period.
John says - What the hell is that on your head
Suzan says - It's a fancy shower cap...................
John says - WHY???????????
Suzan says - Sometimes I wear one to stop my hair from being covered in paint - YOU KNOW THAT -
we have to keep this real
John says - I've never seen you with that one on your head before - where's the other one?
Suzan says - I can't find the one I would normally put on - and this one is cuter anyway
John says - I'm not taking a photo of you like that - are you nuts?  You look absolutely ridiculous.

Suzan storms out of the bedroom - stomping her feet in fury - shower cap on my head and all -  what am I going to do?

Suzan says - do I have to call one of the kids to come take photos of me?
Suzan says - all the other husbands are just simply taking photos
John says - give me the bloody camera............
Suzan says - THANK YOU - sheesh

I have to tell you - I'm vain - you would never know it by these photos - but I'm vain - extremely so.........
AND I CANNOT BELIEVE I'M POSTING THESE - if that's not the ugliest photo.........and it's not nearly as ugly as the first " photoshoot " photos.................they were so horrific, that I couldn't look at them myself.
This is supposed to be a funny post - not something that's going to send people screaming away trying desperately to find a nice normal blog.

Suzan says - It's ugly
John says - Well you're the one that wants to put these on your blog
Suzan says - Well I wanted to look funny - not UGLY.................and OLD
Suzan says - Can you take another one?
John says - I can't make you look younger
John says - You may want to put a brassiere on ( looking straight at them )
Suzan says - You know, when it comes to being a romantic and saying all the right things - you've got them
all beat John - every last one of them

Let's hide my CANS boobies with CANS

Suzan says - My cap is on too low - you can't see my eyes - and they're my best feature
Suzan says - AND I  STILL LOOK OLD
Suzan says - it looks like I have a maternity top on
Suzan says - Can you take another one please?  I'm going to change my pajamas
John says -NO - it's not going to get much better - you'll still be in pajamas for God's sakes -
and you want to SHOW every one - I don't have time for this nonsense -
John says - I regret telling any of my customers about your blog - God - do I regret it...............

6 fun facts I learned from this post:

1) I would give anything - ANYTHING - to know how to airbrush -
2) Now I know why I never wear tights in public
3) I look like a biker chick ( from Mars )
4) John's a LOUSY photographer
5) I look like a hooker from Amsterdam (we don't age well  -  which you can read about HERE  )
6) My former life is catching up to me -

I used to be so tiny and petite - really - and " soft " looking - what's happening here?
I mean really, WTH is happening?
I look like one tough " mother " in these photos

Suzan says - You don't take good photos
John says - Well I'm doing the best with what I've got
Suzan says - Thank you - thank you very much
John says - Why don't you have that disgusting dressing gown you always have on when you paint?
Suzan says - It's my painting SMOCK..................
Suzan says - if you call it a Dressing Gown one more time - I'm going to throw up - It's called a housecoat
in North America -

The Mop is a Prop because I'm a Flop ( when it comes to housecleaning lately )
I could write my very own Dr. Seuss book......................
I look like an OLD crow in it..............but it's the best thing to wear when painting I swear to God lol
and I don't know why you can't see paint on it - because it's absolutely covered

channelling Carol Burnett - my mentor

Romance just oozes out of every part of my body..................with or without a bra, I'll have you know

John says - Once you post these, they're out there forever
Suzan says - I know - I'm terrified
But what Suzan doesn't say - is what terrifies her the most -
ANTHONY BOURDAIN may come across these one day....................
You can read about our relationship HERE

John says - who's idea was this anyways?
Suzan says - I'm not sure - had to be one of the other ladies - I can't imagine I would ever do anything like this had they not insisted on it...................

Suzan says - Should I post these photos?
John says - No - you shouldn't
John says - Please remember there's people out there that you may not want to see you like that
Suzan says - Would it embarrass you terribly if one of your customers saw this?
John says - Yes actually it would
Suzan hits publish - with a small smile on her lips..................

Have a wonderfully couture like kind of Tuesday
Please visit the other ladies and laugh AT with them too

Danni Silo Hill Farm
Mel Mellywood
Bliss Bliss Rand
Kirby Kirb Appeal

Love you Carol Burnett..........................