One of my favorite movies was on this week - My Life with Michael Keaton ( there's something wild and wacky and wonderful about that man )
Anyway at one point I say " Oh, look who's in the movie - I didn't remember her in at all "
Now you should know that when I want to point out someone I NEVER divulge names - it's a game I play
and it's a game I love almost as much as scrabble to be honest with you - because John very seldom knows who it is - and on the off chance that he does, he never gets the name right. NEVER.
John says - Oh Yeah !
Suzan says - Bet you don't know who it is
John says - Of course I do
( these are the rules - we must always say the above sentences first )
Suzan says - What's her name ?
John says - Queen LAFITTA, he says with great pride.
Suzan says - Would she be related to Queen Latifah do you think?
John says - Oh go boil your head.
GO. BOIL. YOUR. HEAD.
He says that a lot....................
I always thought it meant that someone should fill a pot with boiling water and stick their head in it, a very strange thing to tell someone - but better, I guess, then telling someone to Piss Off ( another very British thing to say ) John's too much of a gentleman to say THAT to me.
This week for some reason I decided to google it to see where it derived from.
Curiosity can kill a cat.
Or a relationship.
Suzan says - Don't EVER tell me to go boil my head again !
John laughs - Why?
Suzan says - Because I now know what it means - and I can't believe you've been saying that to me all these years...............
John says - It means get lost
Suzan says - Um hmmm....................it also means PISS OFF apparently
And then I flew to my desk to write it all down because I felt you should know about it - you know - in case any of your better halves tell you to " go boil your head "
Although ignorance is bliss sometimes - you really should know that they don't mean what it sounds like.
Another thing he says is
" do you think I came over on a banana boat? "
Which always makes me stop whatever I'm doing - immediately - and sing out loudly - at the top of my lungs DAY - O - ME SAY DAY O -
He usually begs me not to start that again
" Come Mr. Tally man - tally me bananas " while I sort of " limbo " around
Every now and then I shake things up with " Yes - we've got no bananas "
It's important to keep an element of surprise in a relationship - I don't like to be too predictable.
We have some very meaningful conversations in this house, the Tally man and myself.
We played Scrabble this week.
John has never beat me at a game of Scrabble -
I'm not bragging -
( okay - so I'm bragging but it's the truth ! )
John says - I don't know how you do it - but I know you're cheating
Suzan says - How on earth can you cheat at scrabble ?
John says - That's what I'm trying to figure out
I don't know how most people play - but I have words lined up in advance - I always know where I'm going next - John however treats Scrabble like a Chess game - he sits there rubbing his chin - rearranging his letters - counting out the squares - it can sometimes take 10 minutes each round
All he's missing is a pipe for crying out loud.
After this tortuous wait - I quickly lay my tiles down in 5 seconds and wait another 10 to 15 minutes while he weighs his options.
Suzan says - That's it - we're using the timer from now on - this is ridiculous - I could clean the house while waiting
John says - What do you mean we're using a timer?
Suzan says - It comes with the game John - and it's there for a reason - you're supposed to get a word before the sand runs out
John says - Why does everything have to be fast with you - we have to whiz through a game now? It's supposed to be a relaxing pastime - and you need time to concentrate you know - I don't want to just throw down any word there - I'm looking for the highest value when I play - not like you - throwing them all down there without giving it any thought
He gently nudged me because I'd nodded off waiting for him - and I'm NOT joking - I had time to take a freaking nap !
And then I won.
Tally man tallied up the points.
422 points to 230
John says - I'm not playing this with you any more
Suzan says - Why not?
John says - Because you're cheating - I KNOW it and you know it..............
I have a very weird thing in my phyche ( well I have far too many weird things )
If someone tells me they have a cold - I get a cold.
If someone tells me they have a headache - I get a headache
If someone tells me they've cut themselves - I cut myself
So with Ashley ( my daughter ) being pregnant .........................
I'm gaining weight.
Precisely in the general area where a pregnant woman gains weight.
Suzan says - OMG - I think I'm having a sympathetic pregnancy ( rubbing my belly )
John says - YOU'RE PREGNANT??????????????????
Suzan says - No - It means I'm sharing Ashley's symptom's with her.
John says - Maybe it's just all the chocolate you've been gorging on ? Or the second helpings ? Or the cakes ? Or the
Suzan says - Oh go boil your head.
Have a wonderful Easter or Seder everyone !
Hope you have help cleaning up after it
I'm off to train Soda...................if that dog can load a dishwasher - she can at least help me peel vegetables.