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Monday, January 7, 2013

I crack myself up


             WARNING: IF YOU ARE HAVING A SNACK - PUT IT DOWN IMMEDIATELY

Is this a photo of an old man's bald head?
Nah
Is it a photo of head cheese ( just the name of that cheese can make me gag by the way )
Nah
Is it a so far un named planet?
Nah

Can you guess what it is?

It's the heel of my foot........................a magnified close up
Disgusting beyond belief isn't it?  Go on, you can say it - I won't be offended - after all I'm doing this for you!
I beg your pardon - I never promised you a rose garden after all.
Life isn't all rose petals and butterflies don't you know - there's some ugly in there too lol
And unless I do this every single night of my life in the winter that is what the heels of my feet look like.
I saw an ad just before Christmas on foot balm - and the idea for this post came to me

John says - how come you haven't been putting socks on at night lately?
Suzan says - I want to blog about what happens when I don't treat my feet for a few weeks.
John says - you're going to make people sick
Suzan says - thank you John - thank you very much
John says - well you know what happens to your feet in the winter when you don't treat them
Suzan says - YES I DO KNOW ACTUALLY
Suzan says - that's why I'm posting about it - so people can see how quickly my secret magic works.
Suzan says - there may be someone out there who has this condition and doesn't know simple it is to fix.
John says - so now you're going to have a medical section on your blog?
John says - don't come near me with those things in bed

John's feet don't do this - EVER - not fair.......................
If I go 2 or 3 weeks without treating them in the winter my feet look like they belong on the HULK............
as you can see for yourself.
I stopped " treating them " a few days before Christmas - specifically so I could show you how to repair them - ( just in case anyone else out there was blessed with this type of affliction )

A bottle of glycerine ( in it's pure form )


you simply pour some on a puma stone

and you scrub away..................
making sure the glycerine is deeply saturated into your heels
and then put on a thick pair of socks - if you do this right after a bath at night it's best - than you simply
hop into bed with your socks on and let the glycerine work it's magic

True story! Once I was walking in Paris with someone else from Montreal - and they told me they had a terrible problem with cracked heels ( long before I had mine ) and that the only cream that seemed to work
was one she had found in Paris - and I remember thinking " wow - that's a long way to travel to fix a foot problem!!! "
Guarantee you my solution is quicker - cheaper - ( the savings on air fare alone are worth it I would think )  and closer to home - all pharmacies carry this product.............

John just walked in the office.  Once again I'm considering buying myself some of these



John says - ( I swear to God - I'm seriously going to pee myself )
Standing behind me and looking at the first photo  - Oh!  Is that a photo of an ice cream cone?
Suzan says - No - it's a photo of my heel -
John says - OMG - DO NOT show people that Suzan - Please, for God's Sakes, it's disgusting,  Ugghh - that's absolutely disgusting ( I wish you could see the facial expression of horror which goes with this )
John says - ( while I'm screaming with laughter ) Pity you can't do an audio of your " cackle "
John says - I hope they're not having a snack or something when they read your post
John says - it's enough to make people vomit, you know
Suzan says - Again, Thank you John, Thank you very much ( but that's why I went back to the beginning and put up a warning for you )
Suzan says- You thought it looked like ice cream a minute ago
John says - Do NOT come near me with those things in bed
Suzan says - I HEARD YOU THE FIRST TIME YOU SAID THAT
Suzan says - You can always sleep on the couch until this is over you know
John says - How long is it going to take? ugghhh - that's really disgusting - how can you show people that?
Suzan says - 3 days - tops - take a blanket with you

After 1 day


I'm still not allowed to touch John with these puppies - but getting better ( like my furry socks? )

John says - Some furniture makeover blog you have there Suzan
John says - people are going to google before and after shots to see furniture and your
ugly foot is going to be staring them in the face
Suzan says - Leave me alone already
Suzan says - I'm going to do a post on your bald spot if you don't stop this nonsense
John says - I tell our fabric customers that you have a nice post on furniture makeovers
John says - And I actually give them the name of your blog so they can come see it themselves
John says - omg - I hope Simon ( Chang ) doesn't come by your blog
John says - you really have no pride at all, do you?
John says - I'm not telling anybody else about your blog - really - that's it for me
John says - how in God's name can you not be embarassed by this - if any of our customers mention this to
me, I'll die

After 2 days


it's harder than you think to take a proper photo of your heels - I was like a contortionist trying to do it,
but you can see how quickly this stuff works!

Day 3 ( why oh why didn't I leave the dates on the photos?  stupid! but please take my word for it, this
only took 3 days )



Keep in mind - you have to do this every single night - and I know this does not happen to every one ( I'm the only one I know that has it this severe ) but I have a friend who's fingertips crack and bleed in the winter!
A little bit of glycerine would go a long way..................

I am almost tempted to not post this - John's probably right this time - so read it quickly - I just may delete it after today.

Suzan says - Can I take a photo of your heels?
John says - Buzz off
Suzan says - just your heels - that's it - just your heels
John says - I mean it, buzz off -
Suzan says - WHAT THE HELL IS THAT ON YOUR FOOT?
John says - a corn pad
Suzan says - ugghh  - that's disgusting.................
Suzan says - don't come near me in bed with that thing!

John says - Do you think you can paint a dresser?  What's next? A post on your bunion?












28 comments:

  1. OMG-Okay- I think I have met my match in "crazy" here with you. If we ever met we would be trying to "outcrazy" each other with real life stories- I just know it. My JOHN and I have a little conversation going on at my blog later this morning, too.

    I don't have the "foot crud" as bad as you do but my heels do get really dry and sore. I will look for glycerin today when I am out and give it a try. Thanks....but do I have to wear ugly socks?;>) xo Diana

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  2. Okay-Just so you know I noticed- Your new blog format looks great- it is fresh and clean looking. Nice job- xo Diana

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  3. You are so funny Suzan, yet helpful. Like a hybrid of Martha Stewart and Some funny comedian!

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  4. Your posts are like no other! Which is a good thing :)
    Don't feel too bad, you are not alone, I also have the foot crud, my little boy says my feet look old, and they are but I am so happy that you have shared this amazing info. YOU made my day! Maybe I'll get to wear flip flops this summer!

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  5. Bahahahaha, love it, seriously though what an amazing difference, wonder if it works for elbows :P

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  6. My poor cat has itchy skin. She likes to rub up against anything rough to scratch her chin. And in the winter...that would be my heels....must try this, although I will say this post was HEAVY on the YUCK FACTOR.

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  7. Oh gosh, you had me rolling again, I mean it rolling. Your conversations are always hysterical, and I love that you gave the name of the client he was most worried about seeing it, that really made me laugh! Oh, how I wish we were neighbors! :)

    Thanks for the hearty laughs this morning, that was awesome. Oh...and I'm glad the remedy works for you! I'll have to tell hubby, maybe he can try it on his hands that get really cracked in the winter.

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  8. oh my gosh you made my day! Poor john, ha ha, men just don't get us, thank you so much for the info, I battle this problem all the time,

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  9. LOL. You keep me smiling, you two!! And seriously, I first thought the photo was of a brain and thought, 'Hey, Suzan is into dissecting brains!' One never knows. ;-)

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  10. Lordy that was funny... and AWESOME for those of us that share your nasty-cracked-heels in the winter... picking up glycerine after work!

    ¤´¨)
    ¸.·´¸.·*´¨) ¸.·*¨)
    (¸.·´ (¸.·`¤... Jennifer
    http://jennsrandomscraps.blogspot.ca

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  11. John will be pleased to know I'm spreading the word about your feet via Pinterest pin. He he he.

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  12. Okay, you really did it to me this time Suzan... yep, BUT really I am going to be getting glycerin for my hubby.

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  13. haha you are just too much. My husband gets pretty bad cracked heels, maybe I will be nice and share this with him. He really just needs to be better @ lotioning and socking each night after his shower.
    you are really a hot mess- bless you for sharing such a crazy ailment with the blogger world :)

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  14. Love the new format - it is much, much better.

    My heels are WORSE than yours. So, where do you buy Glycerin and a puma stone? I've never seen them in stores around here - amazon??

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  15. You and I are opposites. My "foot crud" as you call it happens to me in the Summer. Reason is I am a barefoot baby. I hate wearing shoes, slippers, socks...just anything on my feet. Right now it's about 45 here in California, heater on, sweats and a long sleeve shirt, space heater behind me, hot coffee and nothing on my feet.

    I will be trying this very soon for sure. I don't usually care in the winter since I don't wear flip flops or sandles then but in the summer I paint my toenails pretty pretty and wear revealing shoes. My heels look like a circus elephant's foot. Painted pretty toes and ugly cracked skin in the back. Thanks again for the giggles. The fantastic word tag you and John have are fun to read.

    Diana

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    1. Well that's my problem too - I'm always barefoot!
      But get yourself some liquid glycerine ( all pharmacies carry this stuff )
      XOX

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  16. I am the same with the heel thing. I hide my feet in shame, no amount of exfoliation seems to help. So i will bravely try your solution because with hot flashes, nothing feels better than bare feet on a cold floor. Feet of shame no more! (I hope). Patty/BC

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    1. please please please ask your pharmacists where they keep the glycerine!
      I swear to you this is magic!
      and I so get the bare feet on a cold floor Patty lol - and a fan blowing on my head.............
      XXX

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  17. Suzan, for those who cannot find glycerine, I've used plain old cheap Vaseline. Someone once told me to slather it on your heels, slide a plastic bag on your foot, then a cozy sock. Personally, I didn't like the feel of the bag and just used thick socks. Works just as well ! I don't even use the pumice stone, although that probably does make it slicker quicker.

    thanks for the photo proof! Didn't gross me out at all.

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  18. Ye "crack me up" too! My heels look just as bad....can I use your pics (not really)? Nothing could top this post.
    So funny!

    Blessings,
    bcp

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    1. his reactions could keep my going for days honestly lol
      thank ye Bets!!!
      XXX

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  19. Hey Suzan !! Thanks so much for going ahead with this post!!! You can tell John that at least 1 reader is running to the pharmacy in the morning to buy Glycerin! My heels are sooo gross. Especially in the summer when I wear flip flops. Lately they've been bad and Vaseline hasn't been working. My hubs has baby smooth feet too !! Not fair!! He sas the picture of the Depends on my computer and said " What are you looking at? " I said it's a Suzan & John post...... Then he understood, as I always say..."Guess what Suzan said to John today? " You two are famous in our house! Thanks again for being brave and baring your heels!!


    Best,

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    Replies
    1. it looks like more than 1 of you are picking some up lol -
      it's horrible - really horrible - and I almost didn't click " publish " on this one - but hey - it's a reality - an ugly one - but a reality none the less!
      Poor John - if I could have done a video............
      XOX

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  20. OMG you crack me up or maybe want to vomit. Just kidding! I'm the girl with cracked bleeding fingers in the winter and we live in San diego! I am going to try this, thank you! OK I'm ready for a paint makeover :)
    XO
    Kristin

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  21. You are the only person I know who can put up a post like that and get away with it!!! So damn funny! Tell John to chill out and hey - let's have a photo journal of his heals!!!

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    1. every time I look at the photo I cringe inside lol
      but his reactions are over the top funny!
      XOX

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  22. I'm speechless, lol! Too, too funny! I get cracked heels too. (Is it a menopause thing?) I pumice them in the shower all the time and moisturize, otherwise, yeah, they would look like that. And every couple of months, I splurge on a pedicure, especially in the summer. Such a treat!

    By the way, LOOOOOOOVE your new look! You did it girl! I love all the pink and grey, really pretty.

    Nicole
    xox

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  23. you should write a book: your conversations with your husband :)

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Due to my inbox looking like a scene from a Hoarder's episode ( yes I hoard comments ) I'll now be replying directly on my blog - nice and clean like !!!
Much love, Suzan