The truest things are the funniest
Happy wknd all
A letter to the Canadian Passport office
Dear Mr. Minister,
I'm in the process of renewing my passport, and still cannot
How is it that Radio Shack has my address and telephone number
and knows that I bought a t.v. cable from them back in 1997, and yet, the
Federal Government is still asking me where I was born and on what date.
For God sakes, do you guys do this by hand?
My birth date you have on my social insurance card, and it is on all the
income tax forms I've filed for the past 30 years. It is on my health
insurance card, my driver's license, on the last eight fricking passports
I've had, on all those stupid customs declaration forms I've had to fill out
before being allowed off the planes over the last 30 years, and all those
insufferable census forms that are done at election times.
Would somebody please take note, once and for all, that my mother's name is
Maryanne, my father's name is Robert and I'd be absolutely astounded if that
ever changed between now and when I die!!!!!!
I apologize, Mr. Minister. I'm really pissed off this morning.
Between you an' me, I've had enough of this bullshit! You send the
application to my house, then you ask me for my #%^ address. What is going on?
You have a gang of Neanderthal assholes workin' there!
Look at my damn picture. Do I look like Bin Laden? I don't want
to dig up Yasser Arafat, for shit sakes. I just want to go and park my ass
on a sandy beach.
And would someone please tell me, why would you give a shit whether I plan
on visiting a farm in the next 15 days? If I ever got the urge to do
something weird to a chicken or a goat, believe you me, I'd sure
as hell not want to tell anyone!
Well, I have to go now, 'cause I have to go to the other end of the city and
get another ^&*%$ copy of my birth certificate, to the tune of $60!!!
Would it be so complicated to have all the services in the same spot to
assist in the issuance of a new passport the same day??
Nooooo, that'd be too damn easy and maybe make sense. You'd
rather have us running all over the ^%$* place like chickens with our heads
cut off, then find some idiot to confirm that it's really me on the damn picture
- you know, the one where we're not allowed to smile?! ( &^%^& morons )
Hey, you know why we can't smile? We're totally pissed off!
Signed - An Irate %$#% Canadian Citizen.
P.S. Remember what I said above about the picture and getting
someone to confirm that it's me? Well, my family has been in this country
since 1776, I have served in the military for something over 30 years and have had
security clearances up the yingyang.
I was aide de camp to the lieutenant governor of our province for ten years
and I have been doing volunteer work for the RCMP for about five years.
However, I have to get someone 'important' to verify who I am - you know,
someone like my doctor WHO WAS BORN AND RAISED IN COMMUNIST
China and has only been here 4 years!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!