My it's been a long long time............
I thought I'd get back to blogging a week or so after the last post and though I tried I just couldn't do it. I had writers AND thinkers block I guess.
But even through the sadness this old world just keeps on turning.
A huge thanks to all of you that expressed concern - you are all just amazing - you really are.
If anyone is still around - come in !
I need to chat !
First in the news is WE'RE BOOKED FOR PARIS !!!
It's a business/leisure trip - we leave on September 9 and return on the 18 ( I'm going to miss Evan's first birthday - what kind of Lolli and Pop are we ? )
Although we used to go every year - I haven't been in 6 years now and so I'm ecstatic.
Nothing like booking a trip to Paris to lift you out of the doldrums I tell ya !
AND because we're going to Paris - and because summer is right around the corner - I decided to start a strict diet. The method I chose is a simple calorie counting diet because I don't do well when I'm told I can never have certain foods again. ( it's sort of a free version of Weight Watchers I suppose )
Anyway John has jumped on the bandwagon with me.
Except he doesn't understand the concept.
John says - Why are you giving me more food than you take?
John says - Are you trying to keep me big while you lost weight?
Suzan says - You can't possibly survive on the calories I'm allotted
John says - OF COURSE I CAN !
Suzan says - John - listen to me - if you ate 1300 hundred calories a day - at your height and current weight you'd end up very sick
John says - Of course - only you have the stamina to do it right?
Suzan says - It isn't a contest - you need x amount of calories and I need a different x amount of calories
John says - It makes no sense at all.
Suzan says - LOOK IT UP ON GOOGLE - I'M TOO TIRED TO EXPLAIN IT TO YOU
John says - I find you're very irritable when you diet.............
You all know I'm not allowed at the grocery store, right?
I know that sounds awful but I'm really not - I spend too much money ( he's right about that ) and so John does all the groceries with a very carefully written list ( of which he never reads properly anyway )
Suzan says - Can you check the calories on the bread - make sure it's 60 calories each slice.
He came home and I asked him if he found the bread...............
John says - very proudly - Yep ! 21 grams !
Suzan says - what does that mean ?
John says - well you asked for 60 calories - I found an even better number
HE'S DEAD SERIOUS..................DEAR LORD..............HE'S DEAD SERIOUS.
The bread was 100 calories each
Suzan says - It says 100 calories
John says - THAT'S FOR THE WHOLE PACK !
Whether he likes it or not I'm going to start doing groceries again.
I thought I saw a mouse the other night - in the den - and I naturally screamed.
John says - What the hell was that?
Suzan says - There's a mouse in the den and I think it's dead
John says - Was that you screaming?
Suzan says - Yes ! Come get the freaking thing please !
John says - That didn't sound like a scream
Suzan says - CAN YOU COME GET THE MOUSE PLEASE !!!!
John comes in the den - bends down - and throws it at me - which caused me to scream and run out of the room so fast I smashed my foot into the corner of the wall and think I have a fractured baby toe.
AND I made him pick up the socks he had rolled in the shape of a dead mouse and put them in the hamper.
John says - You sounded like a bloody walrus for God's sakes
As for my scream?
I've never been able to do it............I don't have one of those blood curdling lady like screams.
But I can assure you I in no way sound like a walrus.
And if I do I think it was pretty mean of him to let me know
Ive watched and counted every calorie that's gone in my mouth for a week - and so I made sure I had enough spare ones to allow for a soft ice cream cone ( my summer weakness ) I checked calories and found that Mcdonald's had the best choice for calories. Only 170 of them !
John says - I feel like a blizzard from DQ
Suzan says - Can we get the one from Mcdonald's ? Please? Next time we can go to DQ
John says - Why? What's the difference ? They have soft ice cream at DQ
Suzan says - Mcdonald's has the least calories
And off we went -
John went in to get them and he was gone so long that I got out of the van worried that something had happened to him - only to see him appear out of nowhere - struggling with 2 very strange things in his hands
Here's your lowest amount of calories. he said.
The machine was broken - and we ended up with ice creams that were at the very least - 10 inches tall including the cone.
John says - We should have went to DQ
John says - Now you've ended up with a 1000 calories
John says - You never listen to me
John says - This is absolutely ludicrous
Suzan says - nom nom nom nom - this is delicious. And I ate the entire thing.
I find diets over rated anyway................
I just can't.
I find him crass, obnoxious, ill informed, dangerous, racist, sexist, bullyish, boorish, ignorant, rude
egotistical, narcissistic. vulgar, divisive. immature, mean spirited and hypocritical.
( other than than I'm pretty neutral on the subject )
We've had our share of pretty shitty politics here in Montreal - so I've used some of those same words before - maybe not all together - but some of those combinations anyway.
The other night I was trying to push one of my ideas on John - and he told me I sounded like Trump.
I instantly shut up.
Those are very sobering words.
I'd rather he told me I sound like a walrus
The mosquitoes are out already - holy cow - I can't remember them ever being out this early before here.
Suzan says - We have to empty all bodies of water.
John says - What bodies in the water are you talking about exactly?
Suzan says - bodies OF water - good grief !
John says - Where are you going ?
Suzan says - I have to write this down
So we diligently emptied all containers and such while the swamp ( the pool ) sits there stagnant and a perfect place for 80 zillions mosquitos to have an orgy.
Special prayers go out to Alberta - where they are battling horrific fires.
The world can be cruel.
A couple of years back they were battling the worst flooding.
My heart is with every last one of them.
Ok guys - I'm outta here - I have flowers to buy - a pool drainer to rent - and voice lessons on the agenda this weekend.
Hope you all have a wonderful Mother's day - mother's of humans AND furbabies .
Love you all
More than you know
Love you too Suzan. Happy to have you back. You make me smile.....ReplyDelete
So glad to see you back blogging. And you and John are both as funny as usual!ReplyDelete
Welcome back,we missed you!ReplyDelete
Hey Suzan! I have missed you! Ugh, I hate diets but I need to try to lose some of these stubborn pounds before summer. I don't send my husband to the grocery store. There's no telling what I'd end up with. Trump. Hillary. God help us. Paris...I've never been. I want to go. Dang I'm jealous! :-) I'm so glad you're back. Have a wonderful weekend!ReplyDelete
So happy you are back! And so happy to read another installment of Friday Chat! That is one amazing walrus--I'm quite sure you sound nothing like it. Good luck with the diet! I need to lose a few pounds, too, so I will think of you while I'm trying to resist chocolate.ReplyDelete
Good to see you back! And I see nothing has changed with John. HaHa! Oh by the way, I sound like that walrus when I see a snake. Good luck with your diet.ReplyDelete
Good to have you back! I've missed these Friday chats :) It sounds like the ultimate cliché but life really does go on no matter how heartbroken we are and Paris is the perfect place to mend. As I am now carrying more blubber than a walrus, I sympathise with your attempts to diet but I always find an excuse to cheat - I blame the wine, which is why I am drinking more gin these days (less calories too if you have a slimline mixer) :D Unfortunately a couple of glasses of either and you lose all ability to resist snacks....ReplyDelete
OMG, so good to have you back Suzan. I'm a few days late but so enjoyed a good laugh with my morning java over the mouse story. Sent you a high five and a hell ya over the Trump description. Join you in your prayers for the victims of Fort McMurray. We Edmontonians are pulling together to keep them safe, sheltered, fed, and clothed during this most difficult time.ReplyDelete
Good to see you back here, Suzan! So excited to hear that you are booked for Paris! I've been only once, and that was a long time ago. Good luck with the diet - I did the same thing before Italy, just so I could eat everything in sight while I was there. It's a good strategy, lol. Those mouse socks can be really scary! Yep, the presidential campaign has been a real doozy. The entire world must think we have lost out minds.ReplyDelete
Welcome Back! Glad you found your voice again (though I'm not believing it is a walrus).ReplyDelete
Welcome back, Suzan. We missed you, but understand that life happens. You have had more incidents in your life than most of us could handle. May God bless John and you!!ReplyDelete
welcome back....I have really missed you!ReplyDelete
So nice to read a post from you Suzan! Although I actually had to search for this. I don't know what's happening with Blogger but somehow you've disappeared from my list. You seem like your old self and I'm so glad you're doing much better. Your trip to Paris sounds exciting - John knows exactly what you need! Take care!ReplyDelete
Welcome back sweet Lady, you have been much missed! I'm glad to hear you are on your way to Paris soon, it is just what you need after the winter.ReplyDelete