Come in - grab yourself a coffee and some cookies - I've been basically baking for a week now.
For food in particular.
Does anyone else get embarrassed by what's on the roller thingamajig ( conveyor belt ? ) when you load up your groceries?
Say if it's filled with a lot of sweets or junk?
I try to load up all that garbage first so it's gone and then all the healthy food choices are left for the person behind me to study.
I do that you know.
I watch the person in front of me unload theirs and I make all types of assumptions.
Try to figure out their lives from their tell-tell food shopping.
Oh this one lives alone................
Wow - they give their children a lot of crap
Tsk Tsk - too much soda pop
Sometimes I see something I want and have to weigh the odds of stepping out of line and sprinting around the store trying to find it AND make it back in time for my turn.
Like I'm on a game show.
I don't go often - I'm actually forbidden to go because I have no control - but when I do................
When I was a kid my mother would scrape food off my plate if I didn't finish it............and finish it herself.
Makes sense I suppose.............it's family after all.
But I can't do that.
Even with my kids ( although I was one of those tyrants that made them eat every drop off their plates - I look back sometimes and just cringe at how controlling I was ) but I could never have shared a drop of food even with my own offspring.
One of those quirks I suppose.
Saliva can not be shared.
Unless YOUR willing to share it FIRST..............as in let me have the first bite -
I have no qualms about my saliva being shared - I just can't handle the thought of some of yours in my mouth.
My friends all knew to give me my own little bowl of dip at parties - all of them - or I couldn't have any at all.
I was aware of double dipping long before Jerry Seinfeld brought it to everyone's attention.
Last weekend I baked.
And before freezing I put out a container of mixed cookies for us.
I opened it up a couple of days later to find 2 cookies that had been bitten into !!!
Now keep in mind that John and I are empty nesters. So it's only him and I that could have taken a bite and it wasn't me.
Suzan says - DID YOU TAKE BITES OUT OF THE COOKIES AND PUT THEM BACK?
John says - No - as he chuckles
Suzan says - I can't believe you would do that - now I can't have any of them
John says - Don't be ridiculous - I might have taken a sample of a couple of them
Suzan says - Don't you realize your saliva stays on the cookies - omg - I'm going to be sick
John says - You sound like a CSI agent for Christ Sakes -
John says - Should I put gloves on before taking a cookie?
Suzan says - It's not your fingerprints I'm concerned about.....................
John says - Why did you put chocolate mint in so many of them ?
AHA - there's the proof !
The Politcally Correct Police are at it again - this time their focus is the " Ugly Christmas Sweater "
OCD - of which I am one of the lucky recipients to have - in this case stands for Obsessive Christmas Disorder ( of which I also have )
Target has been accused of making light of mental illness................
How ridiculous are we all getting at this point?
I think it's a fun play on words personally - I may just buy two of them ( because I can't buy 1 of anything - part of the disorder ) Hey ! Maybe that's what they were aiming for - double the sales !!!
And then just because................
There's the Jewish version............
Chai means Life...........and is pronounced High ( with a bit of phlegm involved and I can say that because my Grandfather was Jewish and I toast " L'chaim " to his memory every year )
Chai Maintenance - High Maintenance
I think it's brilliant - really I do ( of which I'm one of the lucky ones to be high maintenance )
and the J.A.P. ? - Jewish American Princess?
I've been called that since I was 10 years old - that's the truth - especially by my Jewish friends.
I was baptized a Roman Catholic and I'm not offended when I'm called it.
Who are these people that sit and pounce on anything they feel isn't " kosher " ? Pun intended !
Sharon from AT RIVERCREST COTTAGE asked if John had an accent - like James Bond.
John does in fact have an accent ( he swears he doesn't ) but it's a Yorkshire accent - not as posh as a London one.
Half the time I didn't know what he was saying when we first started dating -
As in :
Tatties - HATE that word - I absolutely hate it - it sounds too much like Titties to me - and I hate that word too. Anyway it means potatoes,
But the first time John said it to me we were still in the dating stage - and I had made him dinner - he told me something to the effect that he LOVED my tatties..............and I thought - wow - he can't even wait to finish dinner?
Anyway - I flashed him - very quickly - showing him my tatties and he almost choked on his POTATOES.
We still laugh at that.
Here's some other Yorkshire ( isms ) I've indicated the words John uses..............although he says he grew up hearing all of them
Allus - always ( still says from time to time )
Band - rope
Beck - stream
Bray - to hit
Chuffed - very excited - or proud ( says often )
Faffin' - messing around - " quit faffin' around " ( says often )
Flit - moving out of your home ( still says from time to time )
Flummox - confused ( still says from time to time )
Frame - move it !
Fratch - fight ( still says from time to time )
Gaffer - Boss
Ginnel - narrow alley - only enough for 2 people to get through ( heard him say it once or twice )
Lig - lazy or laying down
Lug oil - ear hole
Mashin - brewing tea ( still says often ) NOT mashing tatties - or God forbid titties
Maungy - spoiled - acting like a baby ( still says from time to time )
Midden - out house ( John says it's the outhouse shithole - see ? NOT posh at all )
Mind - watch out ! ( says constantly )
Nobbut - nothing - " nobbut to do "
Nowt - nothing ( still says from time to time )
Owt - anything
Parky - cold outside ( still says - often - hey he moved to Canada ! )
Peff - cough
Playin' Pop - getting into trouble ( John's Mother said it often apparently )
Silin' - heavy downpour " it's silin' it down " ( still says from time to time )
Sneck - Nose ( John's favorite expression - " keep your sneck out of it "
Spell - a splinter - OR - a time frame
Spanish - Licorice
Spice - Candies
Stalled - fed up ( still says from time to time )
Suited - pleased
Sup up - drink up ! ( still says from time to time )
Think on - remember ( still says often )
John swears he moved to Montreal to teach us colonists how to speak English properly...............I think he came here to learn it myself.
Yesterday in my shower I shaved all my lady parts - under my arms - legs - bikini line - you know.
The shaver was blunt - really blunt but it was the last one I had so I just continued shaving away hoping at least some of the hair would be removed.
Got out of the shower and while I was moisturizing myself ( I can actually hear it getting sucked into my skin that's how dry it is ) I noticed it was like I hadn't shaved.
So I turned around to grab the razor and throw it out when I noticed the plastic protector cap was still on it.
I shaved my entire body with the cap covering the blade.
Very methodically I might add.
Dear God - I'm becoming my grandmother............really I am.
And on one last note.
My thoughts this weekend will be in California................
Sometimes I wish there was a time machine I could buy a one way ticket for.
I'm not over Paris yet and now this - the world feels broken in thousands of pieces.
So does my heart.
Prayers for all.
California dreamin' on such a winter's day.
I really am wondering if we might be long lost sisters! there are so many similarities in our lives. MY grandfather was Jewish too, and a Syrian Jew from Lebanon. He and I were one day apart on birthdays and I was the eldest granddaughter so we were extremely close. He always used to say I was going to be Miss America.....boy if he could see me now! Have a great weekend! I am going to *try* and go to the vet to pay the bill for my fur baby that never came home last week from his neuter surgery. Not a day goes by that I don't cry STILL, but I feel like if I go and get it over with today, I *might* be able to begin to move forward. ((hugs))ReplyDelete
My grandfather taught me so many yiddish words Laurayne - words I often use today - and I thought they were pig latin when I was little !Delete
It's a long story but he hid the fact that he was Jewish - heartbreaking.
I'm so sorry about your furbaby - I'm still crying over Soda..............on and off - throughout the day - I miss her horribly.
Oh dear lord-the protective cap-guess that's why I DO NOT keep them-lol!! Suzanne - you are so funny I sit here and laugh in my office at the computer (and my hubby walks by shaking his head)....turning into my grandmother perhaps! Oh well, the alternative isn't funny!ReplyDelete
**sniff** "California Dreamin'" has been my theme song since we had to move away in '05 ~ReplyDelete
I love Yorkshire accents! Oooh ~ I'll have a great time listening to John when I move in...
Only you would shave with the cap on the razor...I would never do such a thing. LOL Are you buying any of that bull, Suze?ReplyDelete
Keep those tatties warm and covered, girlfriend. ;)
I say flit...and think on. That's all from your list, but I'm definitely going to use tatties from now on! Just for the fun of it.
Thank John for me.
So funny and loved to read all of this post today. Have a great week end. Thank you for the sweet smiles and giggles today.ReplyDelete
OMG I hadn't finished cracking up from the tattie flashing before reading the shaving incident! Thanks for the belly laugh Suzan, especially that I read it before heading out the door again for more Christmas retail madness. Have a great weekend! Keep your tatties in and and your off!ReplyDelete
Thank YOU Marie lol - I'm happy to say that the razor worked beautifully once the cap was removed LMHO !Delete
My tatties are never out anymore - ( these old flabby tatties they ain't what they used to be LOL )
Oh, my gosh, Suzan. You remind me so much of my sister! Your shaving episode could easily have been about her. Kind of like the time she saw a big bug on the floor in the bathroom and used her hairspray to help kill it only to realize (once she put on her glasses) that it was the UPC sticker off her hair dryer. Made for a gooey, messy cleanup. Or the time she circled McDonalds after having a sleep study done only to realize when she got home she still had gauze, tape and other medical type paraphernalia in her hair. They've hired all new staff at that McDonalds; not sure if it's because of their remodel or the trauma caused by my baby sister. :DReplyDelete
Oh Jeannie - you just reminded me of an episode that I pulled off once - I'll save that for another chat but it involves a streaking cap on my head !Delete
And stamping on things on the floor?
I do that constantly LMHO !
Love reading your blog and try to everyday. Thank you for thinking of us here in California. I live less than 10 miles away and have been hearing of friends that lost relatives and close friends. All we can do is pray and hug them.ReplyDelete
Oh Pam - my heart goes out to all of you - more than you can know - these things throw me into such a state.Delete
Hugging YOU my friend - virtually - but hugging you none the less.
Okay, ya got me today! I probably laughed out load at the same things as those above me. I often giggle when I read your This and That, but today, sitting here all by my lonesome, I laughed out loud. Showing your tatties.... my, my, my! And I thought you was a respectable lady! haha! I have a great fear of someone double-dipping at the buffet table. I will not eat any more if I see someone double dip or touch something then put it back. Gross. When I go to a Mexican restaurant with a friend I'll ask for a separate bowl for my own salsa. The spit thing.... not just you.... people will often offer me something after they have bit or sipped and I can't say NO fast enough ! Maybe they don't have the bubonic plague, but no thanks! p.s. picked pecans for you today. Send me an address, girl !ReplyDelete
Your tooooo funny as usual! I too have left the plastic on the razor and sat and watched the food line on the belt wondering what the story is with the people buying it! Ha! Not embarrassed about my groceries though! Don't care! I have the clerk disinfect there hands and use wipes to clean every bit of the belt and the area where they run the food across the scanner! The sign pad and Oh Yaa! The gun too! Everything! I don't want to EAT other peoples germs that would have been contaminated all over my stuff! No Thankyou!!! Ha! Well as far as the tatties!!! I'm all over that Comment! I you are a funny one!ReplyDelete
Oh my gosh - you're more of a germaphobic than I am - they must LOVE to see you coming LMHO !!!Delete
Have a wonderful weekend Cindy !
Well keep on shavin' sung to the tune of Well keep on dancin' is going to be stuck in my oh so sophisticated brain today! You are a one of a kind and goofy to boot! Have you ever thought of writing a book? I will buy it. Happy Hairy Friday to you, sung to Happy Birthday! XxxxxxxReplyDelete
Would you believe I have 3 books started Mary Anne? It's the finishing them I seem to have a problem with LMHO !!!!Delete
I'm NOT hairy any more - took the cap off and threw it away LOL
Happy weekend to you !
( sung to the same tune )
Oh, Suzan, I don't know where to start! Just when I thought you'd outdone yourself the Friday before, you top it all! However, I always identify so much with your comments that at least I can say to myself, there, you see, and you thought you were the only one!!! I will go and change my underpants now.... Ok, I'm back!ReplyDelete
Bless you for your wonderful insight and sense of humor! Yup, you're STILL our LEADER! You've got me yearning for Fridays to read your blog! I love the Mamas and the Papas too. I met Cass Elliot a coupla times because her mum was our trainer in 1971 in a training class I had for work in Pasadena CA.
On a more serious note, we live about 30 miles from where the latest shooting occurred. I keep thinking about the title of that old Broadway musical "Stop the World, I Want To Get Off!" I feel like that a lot lately! Thank you for your thoughts and prayers.
God, please help us!
Laura/Hazel and all my other personalities
Stop the world I want to get off................I think of that line constantly Laura - every single time one of these things happen -Delete
Great minds do in fact think alike ( which can be a scary thing in and of itself when it comes to you and I !!! )
So TRUE! Scary thought! But then I'm Ethel to your Lucy! We have to keep on truckin'Delete
Laura and company!
You are too funny! At least you didn't knick yourself...the first time around! I can't figure out how you communicated when you first met, sign language or what? It's a whole different language.ReplyDelete
Hilarious, Suzan! Reading about the grocery line reminded me of some of our more "chatty" check-out clerks: "Oh, I see someone REALLY likes their wine"! "Are you having a party? Can I come over?" LOL!ReplyDelete
I can only hope your next post is half as hilarious as this one. I laffed so hard had to run to the loo. I'll be having right shoulder replaced on Monday and believe me with having to have my husband help me bathe and dress among other little personal necessities will be very ready for extremely good laff next week. Surgeon assures me will be in hospital only 2 nights. THen what? eeeekkkk. lol I was counting on some spoiling but no such luck dadgumit. Have a wonderful holiday season and thanks so much to both of you for the wonderful laffs.ReplyDelete
You and John must entertain the whole blogging world. My hubs comes in to find out what I'm laffing so hard about, bless your heart.
When I get home I'll log on to read this post again, by then I'll be needing good laff.
You tickle me to death! Tattie flashing! Thank god I wasn't drinking anything 'cause I'da done snorted it out all over my tablet!ReplyDelete
Your list of John's Yorkshire-isms kind of threw me for a loop. I grew up in Alabama and we use a number of those as well. As I think on it for a spell, I reckon that I'm flummoxed for nowt, seeing as how some of those folks from over yonder a ways in England came here, found America suited them just fine and decided to stay for a spell. Mind you don't trip over all the isms I've scattered about!
I don't think I've ever heard Flummox in a sentance before - verbally at least LOL !
In old books only.
But I've heard some of them - and I always associate the word " yonder " with you Southerners ! ( and " sit a spell " I love that expression although I learned that one from the Beverly Hillbillies lol ! )
I should do a post on all the different " isms " in the English language from all over !!!
Thanks Kim :)
OMG Suzan, I laughed for 10 minutes after reading about your razor oops, probably because I've done it myself. Thanks so much for the chuckle! :)ReplyDelete
I admit to looking at peoples groceries and judging them. I'll even admit to starting to shave with the razor cap on. And yes, I've tried to kill a bug that turned out to not be one BUT the spit phobia I do not have. I have to say it, what about kissing? Maybe that would be too much information!ReplyDelete