Thursday, March 19, 2015

A Friday Chat ( about this & that )

Good Morning everyone !

Tea's on - there's some coffee over there as well - help yourself :)


John's version of cleaning ALWAYS involves a roll of toilet paper in his hand.

It drives me insane.
It. drives. me. insane.

Because there's always little bits of it laying around the house.

Soda has an accident?  Toilet paper to the rescue - dry pieces first - which I get - but then wet pieces - no soap involved whatsoever.

Spill a bit of coffee?  Toilet paper

Get mud on the floor from outside?  Yup - toilet paper to the rescue.

John says - This toilet paper's crap as he's wiping up a mess with a wad of wet toilet paper and it's disolving all over the place.
Suzan says - It's not a multi functional product - it was invented for one thing and one thing only.
John says - B.S. - you can use it for all kinds of things
Suzan says - Cleaning the house should not be one of those things !!!

I can't afford a facelift right now so I've been practising looking perpetually surprised - try it - it takes 10 years off !

Sunday morning I tried it out on John

Suzan says - It's snowing outside !
John says - Well don't look so surprised - it's March...............
Suzan says - Did I look surprised AND younger?
John says - Not really - just surprised

But I don't believe him.

The only problem is everything you say has to be an exclamation point worthy remark ( or you'll just look stupid )

You have to use a lot of the following types of sentences

Wow I did NOT know that !
OMG - that's amazing !
Holy cow - I can't believe my eyes !
Oh !  You scared me !
You're how old?  You look incredible !  Surprised but incredible !

You have to completely stay away from offering condolences - because a surprised look would be off putting in that situation.
And you can't hang around sad people obviously - but other than that, it works !

Sometimes I imagine someone coming by my blog for the first time and landing on one of these chats.
Can you imagine what must go through their minds?
WTH is this blog about?
It makes me giggle to myself.
If this is your first time here please know that I sometimes do things LOL

Let's see now, what else ? ( scratch that question mark - it's really an exclamation point ! )

Oh - for years I couldn't pronounce NETANYAHU - I would pronounce it a different way every time I said it................


John says - ( this week )  What's so difficult about it - Net In Yahoo..................
It's worked.
So whether I'm happy or not that he was re-elected ( not ) I get to be able to say his name - properly -  for the next few years when I'm complaining about him.
I've been using it for the last 2 days constantly.
I don't want to sound like just ANYYAHOO when talking about world politics.................

And speaking about mispronouncing something - I'm one of those people that correct people when they mispronounce something....................I know I know - what an annoying trait to have.
Last year someone mentioned to me that I mispronounced " especially "
No I said - I pronounce it correctly !
So they made me say it..............
OMG - I've been pronouncing it  EKspecially and never realized it - I guess my entire could I not have noticed it?
How embarrassing.
I don't like Netinyahoo...................just thought I'd throw that in there - practice makes perfect.


An elderly man had his home broken into by two assailants - one of them attacked him and bashed him on the head with a tire iron............
The elderly man managed somehow to get to his gun - and shot one of the assailants in the leg - the other ran off.................

The elderly man is now sitting in a jail cell - and could face a jail term higher than the 2 guys who broke into his house................BECAUSE THEY WEREN'T ARMED.

Had they been armed with guns it would have been a different story - but in my world blunt force with a freaking tire iron ( or crow bar ) on anyone let alone an elderly person it a W.E.A.P.O.N. -

Jesus how he wept.................( my Irish Grandmother's favorite expression )
Oh Canada - what's wrong with you?

Even I - who happen to be for gun control - cannot wrap my head around this's twisted and ugly and absolutely senseless.........and sends a terrible message to criminals.

Hell - why don't we just leave the doors wide open at night and let them come & go whenever they feel like it?  Leave a pot of coffee on the counter for them?  Some frozen know - make them feel at home as they ransack our houses.

Isn't there a middle ground somewhere in all of this?
Does it have to be all or nothing?
Can the law not have exceptions like every other thing in life?

I despair................truly there's days when I just despair over the state of this world.
When my belief system - which is near and dear to my heart -  is just ripped to shreds..............
Where I'm left thinking " ok - there's that argument shot to hell "

It's a mixed up - muddled up - shook up world

( except for Lola - EL OH EL AY - Lola )

I found a book in my " library " that I've had for ages and ages - it may have been my Grandmother's
It's Tallulah Bankhead's biography - haven't read it in probably 20 years so I started reading it last night.

John says - What are you reading?
Suzan says - Tallulah Bankhead
John says - Ta what what?
Suzan says - Tallulah Bankhead !
John says - What the hell is a Tallulah Bankhead?
Suzan says - She was a famous actress - how can I know about her and you not?  You're older than me
John says - What did she star in?
Suzan says - I have no idea actually ..............but she lead one fascinating life dahling - I think she was more famous for being herself than for her acting
Suzan says - She slept with everyone - did cartwheels at parties with no panties on - got gonorrhea - did cocaine - was an alcoholic - chain smoked
John says - Sounds like a lovely person
Suzan says - Well I think underneath all of that - she was a lovely person.
John says - You're warped.

I had to google Gonorrhea to see how to spell it - so now I'm going to have ads showing up all over the place with cures for it.

What if I die in my sleep and my kids see that on my computer - dear God..................will they think that's what I died from?

Even if I wanted to delete that part of the post out - now I can't or they'd never know why it was on my search engine.
I have to think of all these things.
It's exhausting.

John called from the road yesterday -

John says - I'm running into the dollar store - do you want anything?
Suzan says - Yes please - I need 5 birdhouses.
John says - Oh for God's sakes - I'm being serious
Suzan says - So am I !
John says - I'm just running in for gum - I'm not picking up birdhouses - are you nuts?
John says - I don't know why I call and ask - you always want something ridiculous - in bulk
Suzan says - I was going to make one of your favorite supper's tonight..................
John says - I'll call you when I get there.................

And he came home with 5 bird houses.!


EKspecially today.

John says - I don't think they're going to last very long outside Suzan - they're not made very well
Suzan says - Oh they're not for outside - they're for the mantel
John says - Dear God - I'm not even going to ask.

I think blogging has made me even more neurotic than I already was.
I never - not once in my life - thought of decorating a mantel for Spring !  For Valentine's day !  For Easter !
For Fall !  For Christmas ( ok - I always did for Christmas - but that was it )

And I'm not good at it - that's the sad part.
I'm not good with " themes "

But they're here - and they need to be painted so that's what I'm off to do !

Have a wonderful weekend everyone -
See you Monday
Much love,


  1. Oh my Suzan....this was a perfect way to start my day! I was trying to laugh quietly so as not to wake the hubby! I love how real you are with us. Can't wait to see the mantel! And, I totally see the resemblance between Ted and Grandpa Munster! Note the!!! Have a lovely day!

  2. I ekspecially love this post. John's pronunciation of Net -in- yahoo should be accepted world wide. I don't recall so much coverage about an election in Israel before. So sad about the elderly man up there. Sometimes the world has gone crazy. How is the man supposed to know the teens weren't armed?

  3. Well, the first thing anyone that is new is going to realize is that you are SUCH a liar....Can't set up a mantle? OMG--You are the queen at making things look beautiful...and mostly in black and white-lol
    I hear you about what comes through your email after you put something out there on the internet. I think if my husband ever dies in his sleep they will automatically think I smothered him because I have written that so many times (kiddingly, of course-or not).
    NetInYahoo DOES look like Grampa in the Munsters EXCEPT his eyes are beadier...maybe he needs to practice that "surprised-open-the-eyes" look you were talking about here.
    Have a GREAT weekend- I know you will---painting those birdhouses and all. xo Diana

  4. Oh, John. Thoughtful shopper, master pronouncer, but please, John, step away from the toilet paper. If he must use something disposable, perhaps introduce him to paper towels, or a canister of disinfecting wipes?
    Do a search history clear and delete your cookies on your browser, you may rid yourself of gonorrhea. Good luck.

  5. You're right ~ the resemblance is uncanny! But who is Ted???

  6. Wow! Funny with a capital F! John is very verbal! The only time my hubs is that verbal is during one of his road rage fits! LOL!! I think I made a few wrinkles disappear! Thanks for sharing such surprises!

  7. Tallulah Bankhead - the name is just a hoot! I had a great chuckle over the Tallulah part of this post. Your Friday chats get me ready for the weekend - thank you, Suzan~

    1. It's the weekend Susan !
      Doesn't it make you want to do a cartwheel or two ?
      Keep your panties on darling ! LMHO
      ( she called everyone darling because she couldn't remember their names )
      Thank YOU !

  8. Chuckled all the way through husband is in the other room wondering what the heck I am doing. The surprised expression in lieu of a facelift is something I now do in photos.... I noticed all the young girls raised on 'selfies' just seem to know how to do it naturally.... but at least my eyes aren't always looking closed ..... eyes sag with age.... but then again what doesn't..... thanks for bringing me smiles on the first day of spring...

    1. Somewhere in the future people are going to be looking at all these selfies of middle aged women and wonder why we always looked surprised LMHO !!!
      Happy Weekend !

  9. I'm glad I'm in Texas where we have this law:

    Texas Penal Code - Section 9.42. Deadly Force To Protect Property

    But we also have Texas Senator Ted Cruz Munster. :-)

    I've never heard EK-specially. But it does irk me when people say they want to AKS (ax) me a question. I mean, it's only three letters, one syllable. How do you mispronounce ASK ? Must be a regional thing.

    Love John's reasoning ! He's a hoot ! We love hoots in Texas.

    we love you, too, Suzan !!


  10. Thank you - you always brighten up my day.

    1. Well Terrie - reading that just made mine - so Thank YOU

  11. Oh my dear Suzan, I absolutely love your 'chats' I do believe I was a newcomer who stumbled across one of your chats some time ago. I have been hooked on your blog ever since! I do however find it hard to comment on these as I am laughing so hard from one 'stanza' to the next that by the time I get to the comment page I am rendered completely useless! Just suffice it to say that from explanation points to net in yahoo, from grandpa Muenster to old men in jail, all the way to the dollar store your humor has me in stitches' ekspecially Tallulah. ps. do you have any idea how hard it is to type ekspecially with auto correct? I guess you do!

  12. I love reading your post!!! You bring a smile to my face with every post. Generally reading them while I'm laughing!!! Bluebonnets are blooming here in Texas. I'm sure if you were here, you would have a funny story or comment about them too! Maybe you would use them to decorate the birdhouses and the mantel!!!
    Have a great day and Smiles to you!

    1. I have a package of bluebonnet seeds that a friend from Texas gave me - going to try them out here this summer !
      I find you Texans are braggers about your weather LOLOL !!!
      It's 40 degrees here and I'm doing cartwheels all over the place lol
      Have a great weekend
      ( the mantel's done ! )

  13. You always make me smile! Or laugh out loud! :) I didn't know Canada had these you-know-what kind of laws too. Isn't it so disgusting? That poor man ~ and yes, what a message sent to criminals. I know of so many, including myself, that pray daily for this world. It seems to get worse daily. Here in Texas, you can shoot someone if they're trying to come in your home....BUT, you better drag their a55 inside before calling the police. Of course, if they're already in, shoot at will!

    I think John might be the only person I know that "cleans" with toilet tissue! Do you have any idea where he got the idea? :) It almost melts when it gets wet....

    Hope you have an EXpecially wonderful weekend!

    Love to you,

    1. How ludicrous is that story Pat? He didn't kill the burglar - he shot him in the freaking leg - I don't get this at all - it's embarrassing for Canada !
      I have no idea why John loves toilet paper so much - maybe he should be on TLC for " my strange addiction " LOL !!!
      Have a wonderful weekend !

  14. LAUGHING HERE.. about the bird houses....oh, and about the toilet paper too..

    1. I do a LOT of laughing here Bonnie LOL !!!
      Happy weekend
      Happy Spring !

  15. Are you making fun of Ted because he's a conservative?

    1. That was the furthest thing from my mind Cathy - I'm completely bi-partisan when it comes to humor.
      I've removed it though - in case other's are sensitive to this as well.

  16. Thank you so much for the humor, i knew Ted reminded me of someone and you are right, i always thought grandpa was a cute little man. Have a great weekend.

    1. Thanks so much for " getting " me Marlene !

  17. I have no earthly idea what to do with my mantel for Spring so now...I need 5 birdhouses...wish I knew what we were going to do with them....:)
    John gets cuter every post....:)

  18. John is hilarious. Here's the cure to his toilet paper problem... take a large bread knife and cut a roll of PAPER TOWELS down the middle. It will make two very handy sized rolls that look like toilet paper but clean up so much better!

  19. Thanks for the chuckle Suzan on this cold blizzard Sunday morning., thanks John, finally I can pronounce his name properly. As for the elderly man, WTH??? Oh Canada, we stand on guard for thee criminals in our justice system. Need some shades of grey between the black and white. Enjoy painting your birdhouses - can't wait to see your mantle.

    1. It snowed all weekend here - Happy Spring lol
      They're calling for a warrmer week - fingers crossed !
      Isn't that horrible with the elderly man - what a sickening story - and an embarrassment for our Country ( while Holmolka lives life freely )
      Birdhouses are done LOL
      Have a great week

  20. LMAO. I wish you lived next door, Suze. xoxo

  21. I am smiling and laughing and just loving your post!

  22. Love love love this post. Thanks for the humor for the day........I am sorry about the little man who is in jail for defending his is sad when the laws protect the bad people.

  23. OMG, I wish so much I had your phone # so I could call you and you could hear how hard I am laughing!!!!!!!!!!! You are HYSTERICAL!!!!!!!!!! The call from John about the $ store is what did me in, I have tears running down my face and I JUST DID MY MAKE UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Thanks alot:):):) Seriously, thank you for the belly laugh. Now I am leaving for a date day with my hubby.....who makes me laugh too!!!


Due to a large amount of spam ( that I'm tired of going back to posts and deleting ) I'll be using comment moderation from now on !!!
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