Good morning everyone !
Can I get you a coffee, tea, Sangria?
John says - Why are there 2 jugs of Sangria on the kitchen counter
Suzan says - Because I like Sangria
John says - Don't you usually make your own?
Suzan says - Yes, but I liked these jugs
John says - Pardon me?
Suzan says - I like the jugs - I'm going to do something with them when they're empty
John says - You bought the sangria for the bottles ?
John says - This craziness has to stop
Suzan says - What craziness? I love Sangria and I love jugs - it's a win/win for me !
If they sold wine in the shape of a golf ball I can guarantee you there'd be a couple of those sitting on the counter as well.
So if you'd like a glass of Sangria just say the word..................
I need to buy another one ( 3 the magic number is always 3 ) help yourself to as many glasses as you'd like
I was watching a movie the other night and there was a scene where the couple woke up - first thing in the morning and started deeply kissing.
It was a very romantic scene but all I could think of was bad breath.
I mean it's one thing when you've just brushed your teeth and the Director says " Action " but it's another thing completely in real life............
Soda loves things that stink
I'm not sure if all dogs do but she REALLY does.
She'd crawl IN my mouth first thing in the morning - really
Sprinkle some parmigiana cheese on her food and her tail starts wagging with gratitude.
Take her for a walk and she's almost dancing with glee if someone hasn't bothered to pick up their dog's mess.
These are the little things she lives for.
The other day John came home and .................
John says - WHAT ARE MY SHOES DOING OUTSIDE ON THE STEP?
Suzan says - They stink !
John says - THEY DO NOT STINK - AND I DON'T WANT THEM OUTSIDE
John says - I use them for yard work - and I don't want rain making them soaking wet
Suzan says- Maybe the rain will remove the stink
John says - THEY DO NOT STINK
Later on that day - after mowing - he jumped in the pool - leaving his shoes by the table outside.
And if that's not proof enough I don't know what is........................she actually stayed like that while I ran upstairs to get the camera -
It's like " crack " for her - she's addicted.
John says - Soda - what are you doing you silly dog ?
Suzan says - Your shoes stink.................
John says - MY SHOES DO NOT STINK
and then Soda took a nap
on shoes that apparently smell like roses.
I had a terrible nightmare the other night.
You know, the kind that makes going back to sleep impossible.
I woke John up - frantically upset.
Suzan says - O.M.G. John - I just had the most horrifying nightmare
John says - What time is it?
Suzan says - I don't know - ( almost in tears ) but this was maybe the worst one I've ever had
John says - half sitting up - What was it about ?
Suzan says - I CAN'T TELL YOU ! I CAN NEVER SPEAK ABOUT THIS NIGHTMARE TO ANYONE !
John says - Why the hell did you wake me up then?
Suzan says - Because I needed to talk about it - except I can't
John says - Where's my phone?
Suzan says - What do you need your phone for?
John says - I'm calling them
Suzan says - WHO?
John says - The people that come to a house with straight jackets
John says - You need some time away dear
John says - It's for your own good.
Suzan says - OK - FINE - I'LL TELL YOU - YOU DIED IN MY NIGHTMARE !
John says - I'm not surprised - you're killing me slowly anyway with your craziness..............
John says - Did I fall down the stairs?
And just like that - I burst out laughing - the nightmare temporarily forgotten.
When we first moved in this place - John fell down the stairs a couple of times.
It's a narrow staircase - with a sharp turn halfway - scary stuff
The first time it happened - I leaned over the top railing - screaming
OMG - ARE YOU OK?
He didn't answer me - which made me assume he had died upon landing on the floor.
I stood up there screaming my fool head off for 5 minutes instead of actually going downstairs to see if he was ok ( or dead )
Finally he replied...............asking me to please SHUT UP
I'm not good in emergencies.
We've been having a heat wave here in Montreal - and so the water evaporates in the pool ( sometimes a couple of inches a day ) I decided to slip the hose into it to fill it. And then I started painting the desk and promptly forgot about it.
John comes home.
John says - There's water leaking down the street
Suzan says - Did a pipe break?
John says - I don't know - but there's a ton of it in front of our driveway
Suzan says - Well maybe we should call the city?
John walks in the backyard.
John yells - WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING BACK HERE - THE POOL IS FLOODING
Suzan says - Oh look how pretty it looks - it looks like an infinity pool !!!
Suzan says- Well we don't have to water now !
John says - If that had been me - it would have been all over your blog - bet you don't mention it when YOU do it , do you?
To be honest with you I don't want the heatwave to break .............at. all.
Because once it does than Fall is right around the corner.
And once Fall is right around the corner than Winter is right around the next one.
John says - It's only August - why are you worried about winter now?
Suzan says - fretfully - because I know it's coming..................
John loves bananas - they're probably his favorite fruit.
We were out of them the other morning.
John says - Did you eat the last banana?
Suzan says - Nope - maybe one of the kids did yesterday
John says - I'll have to go pick some up
Suzan belts out - YES - WE HAVE NO BANANAS - WE HAVE NO BANANA'S TODAY
WE'VE STRING BE-----
John interrupts - CAN YOU STOP ALREADY? DOES EVERY CONVERSATION HAVE TO END IN A SONG? IT'S LIKE LIVING WITH ETHEL MERMAN FOR CHRIST' SAKES !
As he left to get his almighty fruit - I followed him to the door singing
" I'm a chiquita banana and I'm here to say ♫ ♪ ♫ "
John says - I'm not coming back............................
So if you see a man sitting on a park bench all alone - eating bananas you'll know it's John.
I know I keep mentioning Donald Trump on my Friday chats - but I'm fascinated with how all of this is unfolding.
Until this week.
He said something that I found myself nodding in agreement over.
Time to go hang myself I think because as insane as John thinks I am.....................when I start agreeing with anything the Trump says - it probably IS time to have myself committed.
Just a short stay - nothing long term ..........................
You all have a wonderful day everyone !
I'll be by the pool sipping on Sangria's.
A lot of them.
Ok Suzan, your Friday Chat's alway's have me laughing like a hyena, today hit home:)) I have a Pom puppy same color as Soda (6mos old) , you know where he sleep's ???? On my slip on leather flip flop's. I even have pics. Lordy, my feet must really STINK !!ReplyDelete
Heck, I would of purchased 3 jug's of Sangria at once, you can never have too much when it's summer and you have a pool :)) Btw, did you notice Trump's weave and I heard it was a weave, keep's getting blonder ?? Maybe he like's Heidi Klum's new hair color ??!! Thank's for the laugh's :)) Drink a sangria for me and have a great weekend !! TT from Ohio
YOU girlfriend, have to leave your flip flops on the front step LOLOL !!!Delete
6 month old ( brand new ! ) baby Pom - oh my gosh - how thrilling !
YES about Trump - I have noticed it's getting blonder - I'm laughing my head off here re Heidi Klum - she's giving it back in such a great way LOL
You have a wonderful weekend too Tammy !
Hugs from Montreal
Thanks for the laughs!!!ReplyDelete
Take that, John!ReplyDelete
Save some Sangria for me... 4 years worth, in case the a$$hat wins!
OMG it has been a while since I had time to drop by and read your blog. I have missed it so much and now I remember why..... not only are you hilarious.... but you are hilarious. I love the bits and pieces about which you write. It makes me feel normal when my mind seems to jump from idea to idea...... thanks for the laugh and reminding me why it is always important to take some time from the busy day to sit down and visit.ReplyDelete
Well hello Dolly - well hello Dolly - it's so nice to have you back where you belong LOLDelete
Thank YOU !!!!!!!!!
Happy weekend !
I start to worry about winter coming too Suzan. I really like fall but don't enjoy it because then winter comes and seems to stay far longer than it should. I think worrying about it in August is perfectly normal.ReplyDelete
Well, I'll take a glass or few of the sangria please. Honestly, I don't worry about winter but I do fret over summer...honestly dread the end of May because it means it's just around the corner with months of hot weather. Except for today...were having a cool spell - it's in the high 70's. Whee!ReplyDelete
Hugs (while I hum the Chiquita banana tune)
LOL! I start eyeing the calendar week on Wednesday…knowing it is only two days from Suzan's Friday Chat…!ReplyDelete
Too much fun…, except now I have the Chiquita banana song in my head.
I'm Chiquita Suzanna and I'm here to stay - cuz Chiquita Suzanna has a lot to say !!!Delete
Have a wonderful weekend !!!!!!!!
It was Ethel Merman that broke me up. In the grocery store I sing (quietly) the only lines from Blue Moon that i recall...but only in the grocery store.ReplyDelete
The banana song comes up when i need to remember to buy them...all the way to the grocery store where I change to Blue Moon. Fortunately produce is first product on my right when entering the store......
I love John, are you sure he's real and not a figment of your overactive imagination? If he's real, tell him there are crazier people he could live with.....like the ones who save those jugs 35 years and do nothing with them and wonder why they were saved in the first place......
You may also assure him that August is just the time to worry about winter. When winter gets here, all the good winter clothes are sold out.....and there's never any road salt left in the hardware store....and christmas hits you like a gangbusters ambush because thanksgiving arrives too soon after Halloween, which is way too soon after labor day......yes, august is the perfect time to think about winter.....Which reminds me, i need new white laces for my 1955 white ice skates that hang on my door for the holidays. Now where will I find long white laces....all suggestions welcome......
I couldn't " make " John up Marje LMHO - he's too special ! When he says one of his Johnism's I actually trip over myself to run and get a paper and pen - ( seriously - no matter how tired I am LOL )Delete
White long laces? Dollar store?
AND I DON'T WANT TO THINK ABOUT WINTER DECORATIONS, K?????
I'm still buying flowers - that's how much I'm in denial here LOL
Have a wonderful weekend
"Infinity pool" hahahahahahaha ROFL :pReplyDelete
I love Friday with you. :-) LOL
Our Molly loves Stink too ;-)
I understand what the dog puts you thru. My dogs think any bag has food in it and proceed to empty it, even when they watch me fill it and I even show them what I put in it. And I do not care what they say, chocolate, onions and many other things do not kill dogs. I try so hard to get the trash out of their reach, but many times have been in the bathroom only to have terrible thoughts about the cleanup I will have facing me for having the nerve to leave the bag alone for 5 minutes. As for Trump, he at least mentions what is on people's minds. He does not play any political correctness games to get votes. I have thought for years that tis country needs a business person to run it not a LAWYER!ReplyDelete
The only thing I can give Trump ( and it's the only thing because I can't stand his ego ) is that he's beholden to no one and that's a major plus.Delete
In the bathroom having terrible thoughts - I'm laughing my head off here - we can't even get 5 minutes of peace LOLOL !!!
That's true-Money Bags help!Delete
I'm sorry, I don't understand the problem with buying an adult beverage for the bottle. Heck, I'd do it for a lesser reason than Sangria. If I find a bottle that I can transfer my ugly balsamic vinegar into, I'm buying it. I don't care if it's mouthwash. It's going in my cart! Great post, Suzan. Have a great weekend! (P.S. Donald Trump's hair is living proof that good hair and wealth have nothing to do with each other.)ReplyDelete
Are you sure Soda took a nap after smelling John's shoes or was she anesthetized, or did she pass out like the dog in that commercial some time ago who keeled over when his master took off his shoes. My husband's the same way...he actually announces to me that he just doesn't stink, not even under his arms! I said yeah, and your poop doesn't either, huh? He is the 1st born in his family and his Mom and aunts and grandma had some kind of worship services or cult thing goin' on in adoration of him when he was a baby and toddler and etc, and he just thinks he is so special! One day he said he thinks he should be Pope because we were discussing something about church. Anyhoo, I know half the time he says stuff to get a rise outta me, but he does have a fat head!---And you, young lady, I'd like to know what you agreed with windbag Trump about? What I think is a scream is that he's a front runner with the GOP! HA! Too funny, n'est-ce pas? The GOP let too many CLOWNS outta the Clown Car this year!ReplyDelete
Your blog is just HILARIOUS! I LOVE TO READ THEM!
Glad I'm not the only Lucy Ricardo around.
P.S. Did you get my 'splanation about why I show up as Hazel when my name is Laura? I wrote you back about it in the COMMENTS Craig's List blog about that gorgeous wrought iron garden table and chairs set! (I love Sangria!)
Hi Laura !!! When John really wants to pee me off he'll go on about how he had to come here to Canada to teach us " colonists " the proper way to speak - eat - live etc LOL ! ( and because my roots are Irish he torments me about that too - you'd swear I was born in County Cork with how mad I get about that )Delete
And here's what I found myself nodding in agreement with ( Trump ) he said he would levy high taxes ( 35 to 45 % on companies that took their businesses to China and Mexico and then brought the goods back to sell in the States ) Our business suffered ( and still does ) badly from Chinese makers so I wish someone in Canada would have the BALLoons to do the same ) but I think its officially time to stop watching him now LOL. Have a great weekend LAURA aka Lucy ! xoxoxo
Yup, I must admit, I do agree with that! You're correctamundo, Suzan! You have yourself a great weekend and don't let u no who get to ya! Heck I'll buy ANY bottle just cuz I like it! Men have no 'maginachuns! Don't go making an infinity pool of Canada! If we do that here in So. California the water police fine us. The fires are winning 'cuz we have no water! We have water rationing. Soda would luv me because I have to take quickie showers and some times I don't think I do such a great job! e-e-ew! I hate it! Please pray we get some rain! Even the Pacific Northwest is on fire all the way up to Alaska!Delete
Hugs to you!Delete
Laura aka Lucy aka Hazel
I WILL pray for rain for you guys along the west coast ( including British Columbia here in Canada ) - it's horrible I know.............( and I felt guilty about wasting water too but I feel guilty about so much Laura that sometimes I don't think properly ) Some days I find myself in a complete panic about what's happening to this planet of ours due to our ignorance. XOXOXOXDelete
Poor John. Just tell him he's lucky to be monogamous (sp?) But he's really lucky to have a wife with a sense of humor. It could be a very different world for him! lolReplyDelete
Suzan, I did the same thing last week when hubby was out of town. The pool needed a couple of inches of water and I put in the hose and immediately forgot about it. Usually we go inside and set a timer. Didn't do that. I walk outside later and hear a waterfall. Oh, Crap! Water FLOWING out the ... whatever it's called. I ran and got every container I could carry with my achy tennis elbow and started filling them up so I could pour them on a nearby hibiscus. Took for-evah! Thankfully, we have yard around the pool, so it didn't flow down a driveway looking like we're are water wasters. Which is a really big thing here -- people report their neighbors! Well, not me because we have our own well in the country, but in the city they do that. *** When any of our pets go after shoes we know they must smell like road kill !ReplyDelete
Hi, Suzan, when you have time would you check out these most horrible vintage end tables I bought for $6 ea and they are on my post now. I want to paint them black...I'm not going to use chalk paint...want these to be a satin black...will take the hardware off and paint them silver...What can I do (using the least amount of painting talent possible) to high light the designs on them...? Or, should I just ignore them and let them blend into the table..?ReplyDelete
I was in Canada this past week, New Brunswick, Nova Scotia. Beautiful country! Btw, everyone is stunned that Trump is in the game, but everyone is so tired of political BS that it's refreshing to hear straight talk on issues everyone tiptoes around trying to be so frigging pic! And at least he isn't like Hillary who is such a phony living off the public dole for years. I'd like a woman as president, but not That woman. She's horrible! Why she thinks she's above the law drives me crazy. If we did half of the stuff she's pulled, we'd be doing time!ReplyDelete
So much to laugh at on this one!ReplyDelete
LOL Suzan. A great morning chuckle. Mr. FT used to wake me up from my sleep to see if I was really dead like in his dream. I always figured it was wishful thinking on his part. Poor guy would be beside himself.ReplyDelete
You had me laughing!! I'm ready for Fall to get here, so my allergies will go away.ReplyDelete