Our television sucks.
Wait - I take that back - our Documentaries are really pretty incredible - but other than that?
Our television sucks.
Most of us watch " American " television because..................well it's superior.
The other night John and I watched a game show.
The concept of the show was all right I suppose - but after sweating their brains out for half an hour the grand prize was a tent.
Let me repeat that - a FREAKING tent.
American game shows send people on holidays to Hawaii or some other beautiful beachy resort - and we get a tent?
" Here you go - now go find yourself a camp ground buddy "
I've seen shows where they win a year's supply of SAUSAGES ..............Oh Canada we can do better than that. I would have had to fight the urge to whack him in the head with one of them !
It's absolutely pitiful to watch. And if you didn't know better you'd think you were watching an episode of
SNL ( whose creator - by the way - is a Canadian )
The contestants are always stiff and formal ( and kind of nerdy ) nothing like the people I know anyway.
And the clapping of the audience is " tinny " because there's only 20 or so people sitting in it, I'm sure.
So I went dress shopping this week.
First I HAVE to say that I've never seen this condition on another living soul but I've developed a DONUT on my stomach.
Most people get " tires " - I've literally got a huge donut - with my belly button the hole in the center.
I stood in the dressing room staring at it in fascination.
Then I shed a tear because it means I can absolutely never eat another donut as long as I live.
But it's such a gorgeous dress that I bought it anyway.
John says - Oh - that's a beauty !
John says - Try it on - I'd like to see it !
Suzan says - I'M NOT PUTTING IT ON - LEAVE ME ALONE !!!!!!!
John says - WTH? What did I say?
Suzan says - GET OFF MY BACK ALREADY - I'M NOT PUTTING IT ON
John says - Why the hell did you buy it and why is it hanging on the outside of your cupboard door.
Suzan says - It's a reminder..............I can't eat donuts anymore
John says - You're slipping over the edge..............
You know for years and years people always told me I was too skinny
HOW DO YOU LIKE ME NOW??????????????
We were in the car............and another one pulled up beside us at a red light.
The guy was drinking a coffee in a cup the size of a bucket.
John says - Check out the exhibitionist beside us.
My head whipped over
Suzan says - He's not an exhibitionist ! He's just ridiculous
John says - He IS an exhibitionist !
John says - He's the EPITOME of an exhibitionist !
Suzan says - Well he's not showing his penis or anything
John says - NO ONE WOULD BELIEVE THE THINGS THAT COME OUT OF YOUR MOUTH !!!
and so we bickered about THAT for a good 5 miles or so.until we got home and he looked it up in the dictionary.....................he's right - crap - I hate it when he's right ( thankfully it's not that often )
I seriously always thought an exhibitionist was someone that showed their private parts.........
And this topic was just a little fluff - you know - filler
Now on to more serious stuff.
Apparently it's taking the internet by storm
I don't know about you but I'm thinking when we have to walk around with gumdrops growing off the tips of our fingers - we've exhausted all ideas for nails - really - it's just time to admit defeat and go get a French Manicure.
Watch there'll be a movie about it next - like Edward Scissorhands -
it'll be called Edwina Marblehands.........
They look just as lethal to me.
I'm titling this section
" THE WORLD IS FULL OF A$$HOLES"
Have you ever considered what it would be like to walk into a body - through a giant anus?
What exactly is wrong with you?
Japan has an exhibit where you can do just that.
It makes me want to vomit a little in my mouth.
I find it vile..................
Oh look kids !
You can even see what it produces !
|ROCKET NEWS 24
At least when North Americans enter a human body - they do it in a dignified manner - through injection -
What tiny little bit of interest I've ever had in science has just flown out the back door.
I had to blow up 144 balloons.
For Ashley's shower.
I didn't have any problems blowing them up - ( because after about 20 of them I ran and got the electric inflater we have for the pool floats - worked like a charm ) but it was tying the knots that killed me.
I don't recall that ever being a problem before but it certainly is now............my fingers looked like
Godzilla's the rest of the night.
John says - EVERY SINGLE THING YOU DO IS OVER KILL !!!!!!
John says - 10 balloons or so would have been ok - but no we have to have hundreds
Suzan says - I'm swagging them - so I needed a lot
John says - You're what-what?
I'm not sure if this is a British thing or not - but he always repeats the " WHAT "
Suzan says - swagging-swagging them
I'm halfway through as I type this up ( but I'm typing it up Thursday - so in real time they're finished.
I hope to God anyway.
If I'd waited till I finished tying knots in all of them I wouldn't have been able to type period.
Here's the half.
And since my fingers have been rendered useless I think I may glue a balloon to each fingertip - start a trend
Wish me luck everyone - there's a lot of people coming..................
( and can I just tell you I'm dying a thousand deaths because the downstairs bathroom hasn't been touched and it's a hell hole ? I might just use the balloons to cover all the walls in there ! ) Would a tent/outhouse be too tacky do you think? I should have tried to win one on a game show !
Oh ! John just pulled a doozy - just in time for me to sign off with !
He just walked in with some back cushions for the outdoor sofa and loveseat !
Earlier I had been complaining because they're not very thick at all - they'll do for now but they're pretty thin.
Anyway John had told me in the middle of the week that he thought they were fine.
Ok so in he walks tonight and tosses down 2 pillows and with disgust -
John says - You're right - these are complete crap - they should be ashamed of themselves for selling them
Suzan says - You said they were fine!
John says - LOOK AT THEM ! THEY'RE AS FLAT AS A PANCAKE !!!
OMG - I thought I'd die !
They're pillows so they were vacuum packed - of course they were flat !
Suzan says - They're vacuum packed
John says - Where do you come up with these things?
Suzan says - They vacuum pack all their pillows - it saves space
John says - I've never heard of such a thing
I'm still giggling
You can see for yourself - they ARE thin though
But they're SITTING ON A DECK THAT WE DIDN'T HAVE LAST WEEK !!!
Have a wonderful weekend !
Hugs - with just my arms because as you know - my fingers.............but now I'm just repeating myself.