Thursday, January 7, 2016

A FRIDAY CHAT ( about this and that )

Good morning !

Psst !  I thought you guys would never get here - get inside - quick !
Sorry for grabbing your arms like that but I don't want to leave the front door open !

OMG - my heart is pounding !
Look at the comment  I got !  ( I've deleted it )

شات صوتي

What in God's name does it mean?  Does anyone read Arabic here?
That's it - 
I'm never mentioning what's going on over there again.......................

UPDATE - DO NOT click on that writing - it's apparently an Arabic Sex Site - WTH ???
Only me.

So another year over and a new one's just begun.
I still have all my Christmas up in the front porch and outside because I have no idea where to store any of it.
I think Christmas decorations have bunny genes - they seem to multiply every year in vast amounts.
The living room - kitchen - bedrooms - den have all been put away.
How about if I just spray paint all the outdoor wreaths in a nice " SPRING-y " color and leave them up all year LOL ???
A sunshiny yellow perhaps?

My eyes are sinking into my skull at a dangerously fast pace - my cheeks are losing muscle tone - my lips keeps getting thinner and I have 2 very pronounced scowl lines on my forehead.  I'm not a scowler so how the heck did that happen?
Some women do all they can to look like Barbie - I'm doing everything I can to NOT look like a freaking Cabbage Patch doll.
And nothing is working.
I thought they were creepy when my girls had me the look is a lot creepier on a real face.

I have a friend whose Dad used to cut his toenails with pliers.
I have no idea where that memory came from - I wish it hadn't popped into my head but since it did I'll just pop it into yours.  Sharing is caring - always remember that please.
The day  we walked in and caught him doing it ( in the kitchen - vomit ) we gagged and ran out of the room.
Horrified !
My toenails are getting thicker.
If I EVER have to use a pair of pliers on them I'll just shoot myself.
Seriously - I think that will be the last straw.
Ooops - I scowled as I typed that !

Which reminds me of a time once when I was at the manicurist - having a pedicure.
An older man walked in - his wife apparently had insisted.
There were 3 women ( myself included ) sitting with our feet soaking - he sat between 2 of them - I was in the end seat ( Thank God )
They started working on his feet and all of a sudden these clippings were flying all over the place - bouncing off everything - and one flew out at the women sitting next to me - who shrieked in disgust.
She looked at me with horror - while I sat there trying to gag inconspicuously ( I have a terrible gag reflex - I gag over anything really - but this time I think it was quite justified )
The pedicurist kept shaking her head and exclaiming " velly tick nails "
I'm peeing my pants remembering this story but at the time we all sat with scowls on our faces.
Hmmm............I guess I am a scowler.
There isn't much I can't imagine myself doing.
Except for working on people's feet.
I'm grateful that there's people willing to do it because I really just can't imagine.
Whatever they earn is not enough and they have my undying respect.

The beauty of this winter.
The stars have aligned.
Between El Nino and Menopause ( a match made in heaven ) our heating bills have been very low !

Upon reviewing my year on the blog in 2015 I was stunned to realize some of my most read posts were the I WANNA LIVE THERE WEDNESDAY series - and my FRIDAY CHATS !!!
All that work I did on furniture and this is what's most popular LOL ???
Pinterest tells me that 679,000 people viewed my pins
Google + tells me that I've had 46,746,353 views on that page ( all time - not just last year )
Blogger tells me I had over a million views on my blog last year  ( a little more believable )
Why don't I believe them?
Why would they lie?
Why do I have such a conspiracy theory mind?
These are questions that need to be answered in 2016.............

Suzan says - You won't believe this but my Friday Chats are some of the most read on my blog
John says - You've got to be kidding me?
Suzan says - No - I'm not
John says - I don't get it - it's mostly nonsense

I'm guessing ( and it's just a guess mind you ) with all the crap going on in the world - nonsense has it's place after all !

I'm quite embarrassed - 
I offered a giveaway on my blog for a Paw Print necklace - ( honoring Soda ) and I still HAVEN'T RECEIVED IT !!!
I ordered it end November - 
Anyway - they've asked me to give it one more week and they'll send out a replacement...............

The saga with the new tea towels ( here ) continues.
John used one of them last night without my knowledge.

John says - Yeah - they're great - good call !
Suzan says - I DON'T WANT YOU USING THEM !!!
John says - Stop being so ridiculous - you're NOT putting them in frames
Suzan says - YES I AM - and if I don't I at least want to keep them nice
John says - WHAT FOR???
John says - You make living so complicated.

You make living so complicated.

He's right.
I do.
Extremely so.
And now I'm quite embarrassed actually.
What am I doing saving tea towels?
I need a therapy session.
Right after I find the perfect frames for those tea towels.

Last week I noticed my eyebrows are becoming barely noticeable - just fading into my head like.
So I took a pencil and tried to pencil them in - you know - like models do ?
The most perfect eyebrows on the planet?

O.M.G. !
The pencil was too dark.
I looked like Joan Crawford in Whatever happened to Baby Jane !!!

I went downstairs and sat beside John who was watching t.v. - and I didn't mention them.
But I kept them arched up to look younger - very very important ladies !
(AND I have to learn how to darken them properly because how can you lift eyebrows that aren't even there?)

Anyway - I started chatting with him - but he replied while keeping his eyes on the t.v.
When he finally looked my way - he visibly jumped back.

Suzan says - Nothing - why?
John says - Something looks wrong - really wrong
Suzan says - Thank you
John says - What did you do?
Suzan says - NOTHING !
John says - I don't know what it is but you look scary
Suzan says - Thank you
John says - WHAT DID YOU DO???
Suzan says - Just darkened my brows a little
John roars - absolutely roars

But I'm a little upset that he couldn't even tell what it was that was so different.
What did he think I'd done?
I could probably get a facelift and he'd ask if I'd changed the color of my hair.

My daughter posted the most amazing New Year's Resolution on her facebook page - she's incredible don't you think?
And wise - very very wise - go Ashley !

So far I have celebrated 32 New Years Eve's. I have celebrated with family, with friends and loved ones, and also by myself. 
I have tried to re-invent myself every time ...with ridiculous resolutions to better myself...and failed. EVERY TIME. diets, exercise, fashion, being nicer to those I dislike, taking the higher road, turning the other cheek, and so on and so forth. What I have learned is that diets suck, I last an hour and then sob into 12 kit kat wrappers screaming at myself that I'm fat...ok, so its 13 wrappers, but whose counting? Exercise is boring when you're alone. exercise is boring at the gym. exercise is just &@#^ boring.- fashion changes more than I can keep up with or afford. Being nice to people you do not like makes you repress too much anger and I'm almost positive that fake smiling too much leads to irritable bowel syndrome, better to cut them off completely and save on toilet paper... the higher road is too high sometimes, it gives me nosebleeds. and quite frankly this turning the other cheek nonsense is too frustrating. All you're left with is 2 bruised cheeks and an idiot who thinks they can get away with it...I guess what I'm trying to say can make all the resolutions you want, it won't actually change you. Instead of trying to change ourselves this year, why not just OWN ourselves?
so if you're
if you're upset...cry
if you're angry...let it out
if you're a hopeless romantic!!!
if you're a gym enthusiast... go to the gym (i dont get it but i respect it lol)
if you bite your nails...dip them in sugar to sweeten the deal!
if you're a fighter...fight for everything you believe in without compromise, just know when the fight is over.
if you're happy...teach others.
Just please don't make yourself miserable trying to live up to some unattainable version of perfection , you already are perfect. a perfect YOU! And nobody, nobody can do it better!
Don't forget every cloud has a silver may not be REAL silver and it may leave one of those gross green rings, but who always washes off  
Happy New Year!
smile emoticoHAPPY NEW YEARSI just received an email from Zulily - with a caption readingI just received an email from Zulily advising me to STOP EVERYTHING
That's my girl !

Zulily just sent me an email advising me to STOP EVERYTHING
So I am.
Thank God they sent it or I may have just gone on writing forever know

This is the post that doesn't end
Yes it goes on and on my friend
Somebody started writing it not knowing what it was
And they'll continue writing it forever just because
This is the post that doesn't end .................

Now isn't that just the song you needed stuck in your head all day today?

You're Welcome !
Have a wonderful day everyone - and an even better weekend
I'm off to buy a lighter eyebrow brush !
See ya later alligator - plant you now and dig you later ♥


  1. Your story telling puts a smile on my face everyday....because sometimes I re-read old ones just to laugh more. Guess I thank you for the laugh lines on my face... and that's a good thing!

    1. I'm going to try to put a couple of scowl worthy posts up - maybe it'll cancel out the laugh lines LOL
      Thanks SO much Marybeth !!!

  2. Well, if you ask me, it's no surprise that your Friday chats are so popular. They are HYSTERICAL, and who doesn't need a good laugh by the time Friday rolls around? The pedicure thing, the eye brows, the tea towels! Your daughter obviously got her way with words from her mama! Happy New Year, Suzan!

  3. You and John are so funny. There is never a dull moment in your house. I am like you, I don't like to use my new t towels. Crazy, so I finally took some out of storage and used them and threw away the old ones,or as cleaning rags.
    Have a great weekend..

  4. What would we do without your Friday chats? Can we be neighbors? Hahahahahaha!

  5. You are the bestest! Loved this. Laughed out loud. Really. I would have deleted that comment too, but I would have tried to translate it. Doesn't work on my iPad, though. Maybe it just said have a very, very, very, x 100 Happy New Year! lol

  6. I LOVE your Friday chats!! And I SO hear you on the disappearing eyebrows...

    Ashley ~ PERFECT!!! You are a wise woman indeed.

  7. Okay... I laughed so hard at your nonsense. Probably because I can relate!!! Oh my gosh! So funny Suzan! If you never paint another piece of furniture, please never stop writing! You have a real gift. Seriously, I mean it :-)

  8. Calm down Suzan. lol I think the Arabic is spam wanting to voice chat. yikes. Good luck with that. haha

  9. Oh dear God...just when I thought I read the best on yesterday's blog, you amaze me today. I laugh so hard when I read your "nonsense". It makes me HAPPY..HAPPY..HAPPY. Thanks so much for sharing your fun spirit with all of us. ( cute) Hugs to you from Wisconsin

    1. That means your a nonsense lover - Hah ! I'm going to tell John about that category of people LMHO !!!
      Hugs right back Bonnie - Happy weekend !

  10. Suzan, did you realize if you hover your mouse over the arabic words they are links ? I just clicked on one! Took me to a website! Not sure if it's a nice blog or an "escort" site!

    I was going to ask you the other day about the necklace, but decided I didn't know about it because I didn't win, but you surely would have written about it. Hope you get it soon.


  11. I look forward to your Friday chats so much! Don't ever stop. Please. Laughter IS truly the best medicine and I love my Friday dose. Oh btw...I have one of those plier using husbands...but I figure, at least he's doing it.
    And just this morning I told him "please stop using towels for anything except drying off yourself or something that is CLEAN! I don't want to use a towel not knowing what in the heck it's been used for." He said "if you don't know why should you be worried? Uggh! ;)

  12. OMG I got a visual of you sitting next to John with those dark painted eyebrows - ROFLMAO. Suzan, you know I love the furniture makeovers you post in here - keep em coming. But the comical relief I get here every Friday is priceless! Sometimes they feel wasted on a hot mug of coffee so I think I'm going to wait until Friday night, with a cold glass of vino to read them from now on.
    Cheers from the West!

    1. I have a feeling I would go much better with a glass of wine LMHO !
      Thanks SO much !

  13. As a woman of a certain age, may I make a recommendation? A graphite drawing pencil from the art supply store very realistically duplicates my former eyebrows. I use a 6B pencil.

    1. Thanks so much Nikki !
      I picked up a dark blonde one that seems to do the trick - I think graphite would be too dark for me :)

  14. I agree with Amy!! This is a great way to start the weekend - I'm ready for a glass of wine!!

  15. Lancôme has a brow groomer that is like a light brown/blonde mascara that works great. You just brush it on and it defines your brows. I've been using it for years since I hardly have any brows. I love the he said/she said posts. I sit and laugh out loud. Keep them up, but I do like the painted furniture ones also.

    1. Ok that sounds PERFECT to me ! Thanks so much Gayl - AND for your kind words !!!

  16. You make me laugh until tears are running form my face. Love it! I think my husband believes I've lost it though. Your Friday chats are my favourite and keep me coming back. Your daughter has your same sense of humour.

    1. Oh Joanne you brought such a smile to my face - thanks SO much !!!

  17. Oh my. You did it again. I'm gagging at the thought of those toe nails. So gross. I don't know how anyone could touch feet all day. Cannot fathom it. The eyebrow story cracked me up. Mine are disappearing too. Thanks for the fun Friday chat.

  18. Your daughter doesnt' fall far from the paint brush your girl. WE are what we are---so we might as well at least enjoy it. Great post and Fridays are my favorite---, Suzan!
    Grins and love the eyebrow thing, that's hysterical.

  19. Them were wise words from your 32 year old! I love it! She's right.
    I have a very sensitive gagging reflex too. Whenever the dentist leaves some kind of contraption in my mouth and walks out of the room, I start wanting to gag right away and there I am in the chair squirming trying to get someone's attention with all sorts of body motions!
    Those ricocheting toe nails are the limit! My toe nails are so hard that I'm considering dynamite!
    If you are comfy in a colder temp due to menopause, what about John? The hotter I get the colder my husband gets so I always turn the heat down, and he turns it up! We can't agree on anything as it is and now this!
    Your Friday chats are what I live for! You are too funny but so a propos!
    Love ya,

    1. She IS right, isn't she? It took me 55 years to learn what she learned in 32 !!!
      I think you'd be better off with pliers than dynamite - the lesser of two evils type of thing LMHO !!!
      If I'm hot - John's cold
      If John's cold - I'm hot
      And never the 'twain shall meet - it would appear !
      Thanks so much Laura - Love ya back !

  20. I've never had a pedicure because I can't stand people touching my toenails. Nutcase about it. I would not want to touch anyone else's either so I guess I'll scratch that off my potential job skills list! Back in the early 70's, I did go to beauty school just long enough to be dangerous (3 months) so maybe I could do something with your eyebrows...

  21. Just thought I would add about the eyebrow look! Oh my gosh, watching Joan Crawford transform from her youthful years to her later years is mind boggling! Probably there are those who could truthfully say the same about me, but have you seen TROG,one of her last movies? Anyway, getting back to the eyebrows....I agree with your reader who suggested a light brown/blond or taupe shade. Laura Geller sells (QVC!!!) an eyebrow brush that looks like a little paint brush that works wonders! ALSO, big tip here. Try starting at the top of your eyebrow instead of from the lower area of the brow! I did that once and it transformed my look by ten years, I swear it is true! It lifts the entire eyebrow giving a more youthful look to the eye area! So try working it from the top on down filling in where you need it and see if it works for you! hugs, nanny

    1. Well THAT'S an invaluable tip - maybe I won't have to walk around looking surprised if I do that ??? LOL
      Thanks SO much !
      Never saw TROG - I stopped watching horror movies after the first Halloween !!!

  22. I've been laughing over here! Tell John we get a kick out of you!

    Anyway, your stories brought back a funny memory. In the 70's we lived in Jamaica as Peace Corps volunteers. I had a young woman Jamaican who was doing her 2 years National Youth Service assigned to me. Jackie was 18, absolutely gorgeous and sweet. Steve had a student, Bobby assigned to him - handsome, bright, kind ... I asked Bobby if he liked Jackie, but he said no because "she has no teeth".

    Some company had donated loads of sweetened condensed milk to Jamaica and the moms put it in the baby bottles and left it in the crib. Babies were basically sucking sugar from infancy and by the teen years their teeth had fallen out.

    Back to Jackie - we headed off to a two week training with our students and Jackie looked adorable. We spent the entire bus ride chatting, got all of our students assigned to their beds and headed to the staff room to chat. I could not for the life of me figure out what was different about Jackie and I didn't want to ask. As we walked into the staff room, one of the other youth volunteers yelled to Jackie, "you got teeth!"

  23. Why is it my disappearing eyebrows are reappearing on my chin??? What the h--- is that about??? I swear I can feel them growing!

  24. Lordy- You ought to sell your Friday chats to a newspaper--or make them into a cartoon! Just had to visit a few blogs tonight and I didn't want to miss another Friday Chat! Hope you have a wonderful new year-no eyebrows and all. xo Diana

  25. ha, ha, I was going to tell you to try google translate, but looks like you already did! lol! You make me laugh!

    1. Isn't that awful LMHO ???
      Hugs right back at ya !

  26. Just found your blog the end of 2015 and am having fun catching up. Happy new year!

    1. Thanks so much - Happy New Year to you too !!!

  27. Laughing as always! Your Friday Chats never and I mean never disappoint! Tell John we all need the laughs and keep them coming! Your daughter's post was spot on! Smart girl you've got there. And...I'm hoping to get a Prague post up tonight.....this one will have some architecture in it. That was my absolute favorite thing about my trip....other than seeing my girl and meeting her fella! Hugs!

  28. Out of all you talked about, I want to know about Joan Crawford. Was she considered anything special way back then? A great actress? A beauty? What??!!?? She looks so severe. All I can think about is the book Mommy, Dearest. I don't find anything about her attractive, so I was just wondering about how people thought of her way back then.

    And, your daughter!!! She's great! Just like her mom. I love her New Year's advice. I follow it year after year. I'm just glad that someone just came out and said it. Who needs a special word or a resolution or a mantra (something I saw today)? We don't! We need to be who we are and the rest of the world needs to deal with it! (Within reason, of course. Otherwise, we wouldn't have anyone who could stand us!)

    The year is starting out with a bang! Entertaining! I love it and look forward to EVERY post you write!

    1. I think she WAS special actually - a great actress indeed - but from all accounts she was quite difficult to get along with - Bette Davis said some revealing things about her LOL !
      Thanks so much Fonda !!!!

  29. Remind me never to go to your Friday post as I climb into bed to go to sleep. I always open my Kindle to read a bit. It helps me get sleepy. Usually. But in this case, I have to get out of bed now and wash my face after reading your post. I had tears running down my face and now they feel sticky. Why do you do this to me, Suzan?! Lol. And why are my tears sticky?? I love the Joan Crawford look.

  30. It is now Saturday, January 16th and I have missed your almost daily posts. I hope all is well with you and yours and send positive thoughts your way...Nanny

  31. I don't think I've ever laughed so hard in all my life! I LOVE your posts. Your daughter has her Mom's sense of humor - exquisite! I love the eyebrow part - my eyebrows have been non-existant for my whole life - I've given up on them....


Due to a large amount of spam ( that I'm tired of going back to posts and deleting ) I'll be using comment moderation from now on !!!
Can I beat these spammers at their own game? Probably not - but I'm going
to try my damnedest !!!