Come in, come in - I'll put a pot of coffee on ( but I'll have tea if you don't mind )
John came up with a brainstorm this week - or so he thought.
2 convicted murderers escaped from a high maximum prison in N.Y. last week - close to our border
( 32 kilometers - or 18 miles away to be precise )
It is about 25 miles to the Canadian border, which one local says is somewhat blurry. "This is a hard place to find someone," he told the Daily News. "This is a very dense area. We are in the middle of the mountains. It's easy to walk into Canada from here. I've done it by mistake."
That line makes me LOL - " it's easy to walk into Canada from here. I've done it myself "
So some think they're on their way here ( they'd better be able to speak French or their entire plan will go up in smoke - just saying )
Our police are not so scary
But the language police?
You just don't mess with them - they'll have those suckers on the ground screaming s'il vous plait faster than you can shake a leaf.
What are the Language Police you ask? Surely I jest?
Nope..............we actually have Language Police and they're thriving here in La Belle Province.
Read 'em and weep HERE
Their job entails such important tasks as measuring English words on signs - ( English has to be smaller than the French words or the whole Province would fall into ruin ) and making sure Italian restaurants don't use such alien words like PASTA on the menu - because it's not the correct language - you have no idea what we deal with here - seriously no idea - but that's a post for another day. Google PASTAGATE if you need a laugh that'll last the whole weekend.
They may not carry guns - but they're lethal with a measuring tape I'll tell ya. ( honestly - they carry tape measures - because you can't just eyeball measurements when it comes to French and English words ) and they can outdraw any Texas Ranger with those weapons - I assure you.
So 2 American convicts ?
Pffft - they don't stand a snowball's chance in hell.
In fact they'll be begging the Language Police to send them back to N.Y.C - where they can grumble in any language they want.
John says - Print their photos !
Suzan - Why in God's name would we do that?
John says - Well the first thing they're going to do when they get here is find a place to have a poutine
John says - And there's a 100,000 reward ! In U.S. dollars.
John says - We can just check out all the diners that serve poutine's.
Suzan says - Seriously honey - we have to come up with a concrete plan for retirement - besides the lottery and catching criminals...............
Suzan says - You're no Dog the Bounty Hunter, you know
John says - I wouldn't want to be
Suzan says - Well duh - that's what he does
John says - Well you're no Agatha Christie
W.T.H that means I have no idea..............he's very much into tit for tat.
Suzan says - So back to plan B then?
John says - Yeah - I'll pick up a couple of extra lotto's this week
Some of you may remember how I feel about my last name - which is Sweatman.
You can read about how mortified I was as a kid - stuck with a handle like that - HERE
When the 2 above mentioned criminals escaped from prison - I noticed one of their last names was SWEAT
I had to run and google it because I was sure I heard Sweatman.........................
The name is bad enough - I don't need it to be linked to a criminal on top of it.
Can you imagine someone asking me to spell it ?
OH - YOU'RE RELATED TO THAT CRIMINAL ?
NO - I wasn't finished spelling it Sir !
I'm saying Sir because a woman would wait till I was finished.
Ok - this is kind of unbelievable.
I ordered pieces of foam last year to make benches in the front porch ( we have built in storage the entire length of the room )
They were 12.99 each - huge - 3 inch memory foam.
It took over a year to receive them ( and they'll probably sit another year before I get to that project but that's beside the point )
I was not happy -
After a long discussion - all online - and being told the seller could no longer source them - I did a little sleuthing and discovered that yes indeed they were available - but for 120.00 EACH.
Someone made a huge mistake and it wasn't me.
Back and forth - back and forth - and the long and short of it is that they arrived last week - for the original price I paid.
A few days later I received the standard email from Amazon asking me to leave my feed back on the site.
They like you to leave a truthful account.
Which I did - giving it only 2 stars - explaining it was not because of quality which I was very happy with but because nothing should take a year to arrive
Here's my reply
Your review could not be posted.
Thanks for submitting a customer review on Amazon. Your review could not be posted to the website in its current form. While we appreciate your time and comments, reviews must adhere to the following guidelines:
I guess you can only leave an honest reply if it's dishonest LMHO !!!
You know that food you sometimes eat and most of the world thinks of as disgusting but you can't help it - you still love it from time to time?
Without ever admitting you eat it?
Oh come on, we all have one ( I hope I'm not the only one - or I'll be even more embarrassed admitting this than I already am )
Beefaroni is one of mine.
Don't judge - I can't help myself.
I love good food ...............but those others are like guilty pleasures - ( I'd call it comfort food but we never had it growing up - and I never bought it when my kids were growing up )
And this is how it happened.
Many years ago there was a scare with pet food and I promptly stopped buying any and all of it.
I've been cooking Soda's meals since the day I heard about it.
I usually make batches of meat - veggies - pasta or rice and some kind of gravy.
But her absolute favorite is spaghetti.
I feel like an idiot telling you this but it's true.
Anyway - we usually keep a couple of tins of beefaroni in the pantry for emergency food for her.
( how ridiculous - I know - really - just how ridiculous )
Once when John was away on business - and I had been working and skipped eating all day - Soda and I shared a tin of it as a snack.
AND. I. LOVED. IT.
Now it could have been because I was so starving that anything would have tasted like filet mignon - but there you have it.
I haven't had any in a couple of years - but there's a tin of it in the pantry.
Just in case.
Another guilty pleasure - which definitely comes from my childhood - and please don't vomit when I tell you this................is bread and butter with home made fries in it - one slice folded in half.
My mouth is watering just talking about it.
When I first met John and told him about it he said " Oh that's a chip buddy - very English - I love 'em "
Do you see how much we have in common?
And though I can eat Chateau Briand pour deux with the best of them - I still like shake and bake on pork chops !
Speaking about Chateau Briand pour deux.........................( because you know that's how my brain works - one word reminds me of yet another story )
Once when my Step Father was in town on business ( my Mom had moved to Toronto at the time ) I decided to treat him to a nice dinner.
I took him to a favorite restaurant of mine - and ordered the above meal.
I can remember wanting everything to be perfect - I don't know why actually - but I guess I was trying to impress him ?
Anyway we were sitting on an upper level - sort of like a cat walk - with diners sitting below us and a huge crystal chandelier hanging in the middle.
The meal arrived................ we both picked up our utensils - and I wasn't paying attention - chatting away like usual - and I still to this day don't know how it happened - but as I cut a piece of meat the balance flew off my plate, hit the chandelier and bounced down on to a patron's plate below us.
Smack in the middle of his plate - like he had been craving it and God sent it from up above.
I remember my very conservative Step Father in his suit and tie moaning - " oh my God "
And me begging him to just act natural - and no one would know it was my plate the meaty missile came from.
The man kept looking up and pointing and trying to tell the waiter that it just landed on his plate from somewhere " up there " - in Japanese and broken English - the waiter had no idea what he was talking about.
But I knew. even not knowing a word of Japanese I knew exactly what that man was saying and I watched with a sinking heart as the waiter removed his plate to bring to the trash.
I glanced down every now and then as I nibbled on the rest of my food.
Like a lady.
Many many years ago, my Mother and I - along with my Grandmother - were out for the day - shopping - walking - laughing.
At one point we were chatting away and mid sentence noticed my Grandmother was no longer with us.
We turned around and saw she was half a block away.
You bastards - she screamed at us.
I have collapsed toes you know !
( This was Nanny Egan - and that's the way she talked - you can meet her here )
What exactly are collapsed toes? My Mother asked her?
You're making that up - My Mother admonished her ( my Grandmother had quite the imagination )
There's no such thing - My Mother said.
YOU WAIT - my Grandmother warned.
It'll get you too - it's hereditary.
I'm happy to say my Mother's toes are fine.
It skipped a generation.
I have one toe that's separating itself from the others - it's either trying to get away from the ugliest foot on the planet or.........................
Thanks Nanny !!!
When my Mother was a little girl they used to tape her ears to her head.
Seriously - that was their form of cosmetic surgery in the Great Depression.
It must have worked because her ears do not stick out in the slightest.
I'm going to start taping that toe to the others.
While I'm at it I may tape my eyes back up to where they're supposed to be.
You never know!
Hope you all have a wonderful weekend !
Hugs, kiss kiss