Monday, June 15, 2015

The Rhythm


My life has lost any semblance to it.
Sometimes when the stars are the only light outside and the moon is gently pulling the oceans back - I'll grab a book - or run a bath - or sit down to write up a post.
Although it's a lovely one - the planet's lullaby is lost on me.

I blame it on menopause - because that's something people can relate to but the truth is it started way before.

It started when I was a little girl and read under the blankets with a flash light.
It started when I was a teenager and I would pull the telephone wire as far as it would go - which was into my closet and talk with girlfriends until 2 or 3 in the morning.
It started when I got my first job and was so " wired " there was no way I could possibly sleep.
It started when the kids were born - and I had to be up for feedings
It started when the kids were in elementary school and I needed " me " time
It started as the kids were growing up and staying out later and later - because I was a nervous wreck
It started as they left home - one by one - because life was never going to be the same.

My Mother used to call me her Night Owl.
John just calls me abnormal.

And I am - I know that - I don't seem to be able to follow the rhythm that the rest of the world follows.
Dark means sleep
Light means awaken
They're simple enough rules really.
Why then does it feel so incredibly right to be up alone in the middle of the night - and why does drifting off to the sounds of birds chirping at 4 a.m. feel like perfection?

There's a rhythm to the planet.
The tide ebbs and flows daily - following a pattern as old as time.
The sun rises and sets and the world says good morning and good night accordingly.
Seasons come and go
These are the " rules " of the universe - even the calender was created to follow them.
And so people - as they should -  live their lives according to them.
Why can't I ?

I finish typing and tiptoe into the room in the middle of the night - finally sleepy - thrilled that it's at least still dark.
I glance over at John - following the rules.
I turn on my side and watch him for a few minutes.
He's a deep sleeper - although he complains that he doesn't sleep well -
I watch his breathing slow and steady - I know the exact moment the first whisper of a snort will start.
I know that once that happens a steady stream of snores will follow and I will gently touch him - a little poke 
that's all it takes really and he'll turn over.

The snoring stops temporarily and I take advantage of that reprieve and turn over myself.

And I realize
Of all the things he is to me - he is first and foremost the ebb and flow of my world.

Without him total chaos would ensue - the sun wouldn't shine - the moon wouldn't come up at night
The tides would stop and a calender wouldn't make any sense at all.

I fall asleep to the sound of his steady breathing -
He is my rhythm.




  1. Ahhh, great post. It's a love story. I hope John reads this.

    And, your staying up late thing? I do too. There's so much to do and read! And mine started at menopause. It catches up with me every few days though and I actually crash early. Have a good week!

  2. Oh, how lovely of you to write that about your husband.

  3. I've said this need to be a writer...or a comedian...or both! You have a way with words, a true gift! This was a simply lovely post...:) Have a blessed day!

  4. Awesome post Suzan! I live by the light of the sun and sleep by the light of the moon, most of the time. :)

  5. Lovely. I too am blessed with that steady rhythm, without which I would be truly lost. It will be forty years this summer...long enough to have those rhythms tattooed on my heart, haha. Blessings Suzan! xxoo

    1. Thanks so much Kim !
      Blessings right back

  6. It is good to have someone with a sense of order in the house. That would be male in our home.

  7. Such a beautiful post filled with heartfelt sentiment! You are very lucky to have John, and he equally lucky to have found you too. To love and to be loved is one of life's greatest gifts. I am glad you both have found it in each other. Nanny

  8. Awww, that's so sweet. Really, it is. My Bruce is that for me too. Guess that makes us blessed. :-)
    Have a good one.

  9. <3. You are not alone with the "abnormal" sleep schedule...Just talk to Rush! Thank you for sharing. <3

    1. Oh I'm sure there's a lot of us lurking in the shadows Katie ( literally in the shadows LOL )
      Thanks dahlink !

    2. After I finished your writing, so poetic, I was going to tell you that your John is my Katie. Look! Here she is. It's 3:27 am. The wall clock ticks off the minutes. I think about going to bed, to my snort-snorer that I nudge ever so gently to give me the lull I need to get to sleep. I hear the puffy-cloud noise of the laboring air conditioner working through the heat of this night. Some cats have stirred and briefly howled only to settle into their napping once again. I am a noisy typer, and I wish I weren't. I don't make unnecessary sounds at night, like putting the dried dishes away, although I should. I hear Katie snoring through the door! She has her own noise cycles. She went to bed a little earlier this evening, because she will be getting up at 8 am to mow the lawn. Before she turned her light out, I told her not to worry about me and to mow when and where whenever she needed to. She's a little bit shy about mowing when I sleep, because I woke up grumpy last time. Eh...we get by. We have our own rhythms.

  10. Nicely said. I am too (and have always been) a night owl. I feel like it's an internal clock thing and I should have been born on the West coast. Wonder if that would have helped?

  11. very heart warming post along with such a beautiful photo

  12. Beautiful post.
    So much love in it.
    Your John will probably melt, reading this. :)

    1. Thanks so much ( my John doesn't read the blog LOL )

  13. It's so nice to have a 2 am email come in from you. I don't night owl every night, but enough of the time, especially when there is a full moon. Our bedroom is upstairs under the old eaves and beams. It is snug and cozy and calm. The front gable window is open most nights, it faces the cove and I listen to the loons and yips of the fox. There are two windows at the end wall, one on each side of the bed, it's magical when there is a full moon. If I turn my head just a bit I can see the stars and branches of the huge old maple tree. And I too drift off listening to the birds. There is magic at night and I swear I stay up so I can hear and see it. From one night owl to another xo Patty.

  14. Suzan, I LOVED today's post. I've always been an early riser and early to bed. Before we got married in the 70s, my husband used to say he could set his watch by me, because at 8 PM my head tilted and that's all she wrote. LOL He's been gone for eight years now and I long for a new rhythm in my life, but I'm 68 and what wakes me now is my four pug dogs having to go pee. LOLOL I guess you could call that rhythm. Beautiful post. Made me cry.

  15. HI Suzan!!

    I totally know what you mean!! I'm up until my son gets home from work, which is usually around two in the morning. At that time our 13.5yr old dog needs to go out for a pee. Now that everyone is settled, I need to get settled, which usually takes an hour!!

    With my hubby sleeping beside me, I lean over and whisper in his ear how much I love and appreciate him. A smile comes to his lips and he says in a sleepy voice, 'Love you too!!’ He is my anchor in my crazy life and without him, I'd be drifting away!!

    Have a great week Suzan!!


  16. Suzan, how romantic. I stay up late to let my hubby fall into a deeper sleep so that I don't have to go through that "snore -- poke...... snore -- poke" routine. But like your John, the slight poke, or tug on the blanket, will stop him momentarily from snoring, and sometimes, that's all I need to fall asleep myself. Next week marks our 30th wedding anniversary...34 years together in all. I'm lucky to have this snore-machine! :-)

  17. I too am a night owl. Our daughter says we're the only old farts she knows that sleep in til noon or 1:00 p.m. Especially in Winter. We don't go much so what's the hurry to get up? I've been night owl for many years, When we lived in MT and Had really gotten into my crafting I would be up til I was done with projects or sleep finally caught up to me. In winter it was so incredible to see the moon shining on the frozen lake, so breath taking. My craft room was on front corner of our mfg. house and when we ordered it got big windows on each corner. I could sit there and look out for hours, watch animals coming and going.
    For most of years we were in MT hubs was on road so I was alone alot. Had to find something to keep me busy. Still miss that. Biggest mistake we ever made was selling to move to KY and now here (west of Grand Junction, CO. Would have moved back to Mt when we left KY but wouldn't have had same place.
    When we got our new mfg. house in MT we had it set up with front of house facing the lake, not the road. We had 20 acres that looked out on mountains, lake and prairie. Did love our house/land 1 1/2 acres in KY but son not there anymore now. I was a very different type person for KY, just didn't fit in.
    Weather didn't agree with me either.
    When I discovered Blogs about 2 1/2 yrs. ago I was up til 2:30 or 3:00 a.m. then I'd go to bed to read for hour or so. Hubs would stay up to watch tv. At that time we still had Dish Network, not anymore. Am pretty much a spontaneous person so kinda go with what's going on at time, we've raised 4 kids so now it's just us and our animals and chickens. We're not poor but sure not well off either, but we do ok. Just wish we could afford to travel.
    Can't all be folks that go along with earth's rhythm, somebody has to be odd one out. What the hey, if you're content who cares? Hubs is one of earth's regulars, he lies down and he's asleep. He complains about my reading. I put lamp on floor with scarf over lampshade. Sometimes I'm awake all night reading then sleep for while til noon or so. Did what i should for years now it's my time to do what i want when i want, (within reason of course).
    Have great week, look forward to your posts.

    1. That's how I feel - followed the rules ( kind of ) and now I don't need to :)
      And I agree on the view from moon light - it's pretty spectacular isn't it?
      Moon river - wider than a mile
      I'm crossing you in style...............some day
      Have a wonderful one,

  18. Suzan...I'm a night owl and my hubby goes to bed very early in the evening. If he tries to stay up...he ends up falling asleep while trying to watch TV. Loved this post!!

  19. bwaaaa..this made me beautiful. I have a feeling John is beautiful, too. :)
    My rhythm has been with me for over 55 yrs....if he sleeps later than normal, I am always scared to go check on him...I know that's terrible but it's how I feel...and if he goes first, that sunshine will be a long time coming back for me. I won;t be able to go to sleep.

  20. Oh my! This is so sweet and from the heart!
    My sweetheart and I just celebrated 18 years together.
    xx oo

  21. Wow Suzan, got a little choked up reading this...beautiful!

  22. That is truly a beautiful thing.

  23. Absolutely beautiful !!!! You spoke to me as I was speaking myself ....very blessed for my husband and I too have restless nights .... my key to it all is balance !!!

  24. Thanks so much Pati !
    Yes, balance is key

  25. Wow. Beautiful. You put into words what so many of us have felt, but not completely recognized the source of. I am, however, a little disgruntedly jealous that you are not only deadly funny, wry, witty, and cuttingly wicked with your word-sword, but you are ALSO soulfully poetic. Grumph. LOL!

  26. My husband is the same to me. I'm a night owl, too. When he's not there, ....well, chaos of heart.
    He's the flame, I'm the moth. Poor guy, I end up next to him on "his side" of the bed. He complains, but I know he secretly thrills that I love him so much that I even reach for him in my sleep.


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