Friday, April 19, 2013

Bizarre Emails I get................

I've been very fortunate to have so many people ( people I don't know from Adam ) take such an interest in my well being - really - I feel completely embraced with an over abundance of love sometimes............
Here's just a small example



The MORTGAGE-REFINANCING program from the President is now in Full Effect. This is GREAT news for average home owners in the U.S..

Take full-advantage with lower mortgage rates than ever available!

Starting Thursday Morning, you are eligible to receive back-up to-$12,000

Funds to support the program will not last forever...

Kind Regards,


Well thanks so much Marcus - for considering me - does that mean this is extended to Canadian residents as well?
Bliss is going to hit the ceiling with this one lol____



Early today (Friday March 15th) an important matter to your personal information came to us regarding an inquiry that was made online by someone you know well and your personal information plus background history was accessed. From our experience, the perpetrator is seeking information about something in your past. This could be something criminal or not. 

Likely that there is an issue somewhere in your past that you really don't want others to see? Now is the time to make sure you know what people are seeing about you. 
The possibility of having a background check run on you increases greatly each day. Imagine a future/current employer, landlord, or someone you know taking a look into your personal history. 

Take Action into your own hands with our simple, easy-to-use Record Locator. It will allow you direct, easy access to your most intimate, personal information.

too late - I'm already panicking - ok - I'm going to come clean now everyone - since someone is digging up information about me to bribe me with in the future.
I was once a hooker in Amsterdam - I prayed this would never leak out - but it looks like my past has caught up with me.
Hate the sin - not the sinner.
Number 3 Hello,
I am an investor looking to invest in entrepreneurial teams with big ideas and a need for seed capital to turn their ideas into great companies. I believe every business man is basically an entrepreneur, for we all strive to achieve optimal goals using limited resources. In seeking out worthwhile investment opportunities, we are always on the lookout for ventures whose principal’s exhibit a high level of creativity combined with the right amount of experience in the chosen field.
Kindly take out a moment of your very busy schedule to reply me on my private mail  for more details on this investment project
Prince Hassan Muktar.

Turns out in the end he thought I was too much of a risk - being a former Hooker from Amsterdam and all.
Number 4 I thought this was an ad for foot fungi - seriously
It's a pedicure - if that doesn't scream SPRING - I don't know what does.....
Nothing like flowers sprouting out from your toe nails to make you feel all summery like

Number 5

Do you want to get slimmer. 

I just want you to look good and feel better about yourself. I just want you to know about what lifted my whole life. Swimmers have been taking it for years.

ahhh- but have hookers been taking this for years?  If so I'm all over it - thanks for thinking of me.
Number 6

Shed 10 Lbs In Time For Your Easter Brunch?
Its now possible
Remove excess abdominal fat quickly by eating this hightly effective fruit that burns more calories then a 30 minute run.
Forget the days of watching what you eat or worrying about how much time you put at the gym.
This Spring, look your best while eating all the fast food you want.

Hmmm - how does he know I have abdominal fat - isn't that a little creepy - it's very kind of him - but wow is that creepy - has he been staking my house watching me come and go?

Number 7

You can look great and eat well. 
I want you to look good. Fire your personal trainer if you have one. 

Good bye.


Number 8

Please take a quick moment to view your Background Report For FREE. Make sure you correct any inaccuracies. This could get you the apartment you applied for or the job you interviewed for!

We're Giving you full, complete 24-hour access to Use our one-of-a-kind Record Locator, easy-access to your personal background information is just a click away...

This Is Your Exclusive Chance to Make Sure Your Background History is Accurate.

The longer you don't access your Background Report, the more the likelihood information that is not True will be added.

Don't let This Information stop You from Getting that New Job or the Apartment You Want.

That new apartment I want is in Manhattan - they don't care about your past there.
Number 9

Attn Beneficiary

Please send the diplomat who is stranded at Hatfield-Atlanta Airport your
address where to make your delivery. His name is John Mike and he
arrived at Hatfield-Atlanta Airport three days ago with your package and
he will need to proceed to your address. Please E-mail him your Phone number
and all identities that will help him for smooth delivery. The bellow is
his contact. Don't let him know the content because it contains                                                                                                                                              

7.2 millions USA DOLLAR
Email (
Your full name________   Mary Jane
Your country_______    Amsterdam
Your phone numbers_________ Cucumber
Your age ___________none of your beeswax
Your occupation________hooker 
Marital statue-                    1 of 10 wives to the King of Siam

Rev. Dr. Richard Bruno

Number 10

Collective Approval Was Given By The Three Major Credit Reporting Agencies Granting You An Increase To Your Credit-Score

Your reference number is: ################################

We have been instructed to provide a one-time view of your new score - no charge today only.

Generation time today: 18 seconds.

sorry 18 seconds is just not enough time for me

Number 11

Destructive Information From Your Past Was Just Posted
Online (Thursday) 11:30am EST.

REMOVE these negative discrepancies by verifying the information

Silly people - I'm the one that just posted it !!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Too late for bribes now

 and number 12 is a doozy

Hey there,
Get girls with little to no effort...They will be falling all over you:
This technique is the ultimate "equalizer" - it will allow you to beat out guys who are
taller, wealthier, better looking or even more well-endowed.
Even if you've barely kissed a girl before - it doesn't matter.
Because when women sense you have the traits he reveals on this video (which btw, have nothing to do with being
"alpha")... they can't help but want you uncontrollably.
Go here to watch it now:
Trust me, this is unlike anything you've ever seen before.
Watch Josh's infamous "goldfish" video...
And let me know what you think, okay?
- Josh

Hi Josh
I've never had a problem attracting girls to me for some weird reason - but thanks so much for the offer to help


I'm telling you - just when I think the world is turning into a cold place - I'm bombarded with all this love.

Makes a girl feel kind of special

Friday's giggle................

Have a wonderful weekend all ................
Don't turn the t.v. on - or you'll be sure to ruin it

Much love,


  1. Thanks for the laugh this morning. The stuff that gets past our spam filters!
    and it's too late about 'not turning on the TV.' :-((

    Have a great weekend, Suzan.♥

  2. I was once a hooker in Amsterdam -

    Well. You're definitely getting better email love than I am.


    ¸.·´¸.·*´¨) ¸.·*¨)
    (¸.·´ (¸.·`¤... Jennifer
    Jenn's Random Scraps

  3. Firstly, there is a diplomat stranded at the airport. Have you no compassion???

    Secondly, there seem to be a lot of entities concerned about your past. Are you spilling the whole truth? A lot of us have been hookers in Amsterdam, so that's not really that big of a confession. When you're ready, maybe you can share the bigger picture with us.

    I get e-mails from the 'Canadian Pharmacy' offering me great discounts on Viagra. Isn't that thoughtful of them?

  4. Hahahahahaa!!! Thanks for the laugh. I needed it. :-)
    The emails we get....
    Hugs, Gee

  5. What about the ones promising millions of dollars...why are those never true????? :)

    Happy weekend to you. :)

  6. The long toe nails are horroble!!! Not attractive at all, yak! Yeah, I get, how I even won a million dollars..yeah sure!!! Spams are so stupid sometimes and I always wonder if they think people are stupid, or maybe there are many stupid people that fall for this funny things, LOL, you made me crack up! Thanks.

  7. At which airport is my prince standed with my 7.2 million dollars? Because I'll drive there to pick it up.

  8. I'm very worried about you. I think we need to do an intervention!

  9. I did send away for the Viagra they offered me. Being single, I don't quite know what to do with it but it promises to make my life wonderful. My favourite is the comment that asks me if I don't find all the other readers incredibly stupid and uninformed. I'm sure that would make me a very popular blogger if I answered that in the affirmative on my blog! I do hope you'll share some of your adventures in Amsterdam. It may give me some insight on what to do with the Viagra.

  10. Replies
    1. aren't they hilarious? lol

    2. Me too Laurie!!! I can hardly wait to see what Suzan says next....LOL!!! Those toe nails...Argggg!!Hide em quick!!

  11. I get $50 USD from some dude in Africa almost every week!

    1. Well at least your " getting " instead of giving lol

  12. I got an email the other from LinkedIn (a reputable website) telling me information as to why my 8 year-old should be coding......
    1) I don't have an 8 year old
    2) what the heck is "coding"?

    And you're right about the tv today - the horror continues in the U.S. - bad week.

    1. doesn't sound kosher to me Heather lol
      Boston is surreal - absolutely surreal - like an out of body experience watching this.................
      Prayers again.

  13. Ah, ah, ah, anonymous comments are also making me laugh. I know it drives everybody else crazy, but I find them funny because a) most of them are full of compliments about my writing -even if it's obvious they didn't read the post, it's always nice to get compliments - b) their English is so awful it makes me feel good about mine!!!

  14. We must have friends in common. I have received many of these same emails. However, the ones I really like are the ones that offer me to meet single European women and then he ones that offer me Viagra at prices I will not find anywhere else. I think I need to take a good long hard look at myself in the mirror. Maybe not looking at myself from the neck down in years has not been in my best interest.

    Thanks for the laugh- xo Diana

  15. Oh my gosh... it's crazy out there. I had to stop anonymous comments on my blog because some idiot spammer left a pornographic worded comment on one of my blog posts. My kids could have easily seen it, but they didn't, thank goodness. I am sick of idiot people!

  16. bbwwwwaaaahhhh-
    Have a relatively good weekend.

  17. Too funny! I get all kinds of weird emails too and I've considered posting some of them just because they get so outrageous! Thanks for the laughs!

  18. Hi Suzan!!!!

    It's so funny to see what others are getting because I have had some doozies!!

    WOW!!!! It's surprising how many of us want to hide that we were hookers!!

    Have a great weekend!!!


  19. You are freakin hilarious! Only you could find humor in Cheers

  20. My hubby is in high tech so our network is very secure...I never get all these fun emails. I'm missing out on all the awesome opportunities!

  21. Oh girl. You have us all in stitches once more!


  22. ha! You make me smile... thanks for the afternoon comic relief :o)

  23. Haha, spammers are so weird, but it's nice to know they all want us to look good. Even though I really would like what this mystery diplomat has got for you - didn't he do his background checks on you? ;-)

  24. WTH? Tell the American government to quit giving away money unless they are going to give it to me.


  25. Hooker in Amsterdam eh!!! Does John know???? I'd like to be a fly on the wall when you break that news to him. Make sure your cell phone pocket dials my number. Bahahaha.

    1. That ought to be a good "John says", "Suzan says" post!!

      I must have a really good spam filter, I never get good stuff like that! I'm tempted to turn it off just to spice up my life, lol!!


  26. I've had some really funny spam. I saved a bunch of it for a while but finally deleted it. They just don't realize who they are up against in your case. I think you could easily turn the tables on 'em. Look out spammers!


Due to a large amount of spam ( that I'm tired of going back to posts and deleting ) I'll be using comment moderation from now on !!!
Can I beat these spammers at their own game? Probably not - but I'm going
to try my damnedest !!!