Saturday, April 20, 2013
We say it best.......................
Here's the setting so you can feel like you're right in the room while this is happening ( but trust me, you do not want to be in the room while this is happening )
Setting: Scene 1 - take 1
Someone is on their way to view a table set -
They'll be here in oh say 1 hour - 1 hour and a half............
Just enough time to give the set a little tweaking here and there - and make her shine -
Just enough time for John to screw in the pedestal to the table top
Just enough time for all hell to break loose, ALL HELL................
Now when we bought the table the pedestal was not attached and the seller didn't know where he put the screws - no big deal - we have tons of screws................
Scene 2 - take 1
Suzan says - did you find screws that will fit?
John says - no - but I will
Suzan says - I asked you to check before I started working on this!
John says - don't panic - all I need to do is pick out 8 screws
Suzan says - ok - they're coming soon, do you think you could find them now ?
John jumps up and saluts - YES SUZAN - RIGHT AWAY SUZAN - I'll stop what I'm doing immediately ( please remember I asked him a long time ago )
Suzan says - PLEASE make sure the screws are not too long- the last thing we need with them on their way is for the screw to come through the surface....................
I'm sure most of you already know the outcome of the story - but humor me here folks - just humor me - you're the only thing that keeps me sane sometimes......................
Scene 3 - take 1
John says - I think an inch should do it
Suzan says- I think an inch is too long
John measures - John says - no there's lots of room
Suzan says - PLEASE be sure of this John - I wouldn't have time to fix it if they're not
John says - STOP WORRYING - an inch is fine
Suzan says - maybe 3/4 of an inch would be better
John says - I measured - it's fine
Suzan says - could you just check one more time because
John interrupts me ( abruptly ) ENOUGH - I'm not an idiot - I've measured - it's fine
I came into the office to do something or another -
John is just around the bend in the other room - screwing away
Scene 4 - take 1
John says - Oh no.....................
Suzan ignores him
John says - Oh God no
Suzan ignores him
John says - in a very calm voice I might add - The screws have come through to the surface
Suzan ignores him - because
Take 2 A) he has to be joking - he likes to joke like that
Take 3 B) I'm really terrified I might start attacking him with the screwdriver - in the general area of his head ( where the brain normally resides )
Take 4 C) I might collapse on the floor weeping uncontrollably.
Scene 5 - take 1
John says - Can you come here for a minute
Suzan says - I don't want to -
John says - Suzan this is serious.......................what are we going to do?
Suzan says - I don't know what WE'RE going to do John - looks like we're SCREWED................
I frantically fixed the error of his ways with 30 minutes to spare ( only 2 screws had come through and not all the way through - just the smallest part of the tip - nothing at all to fix it really - but still.................I had already spent a significant amount of time on this table ...............
Scene 6 - take 1
Suzan says - will you listen to me next time maybe?
John says nothing
Suzan says - I asked you again and again and again to please make sure
John says nothing
Suzan says - Well isn't that rich? You're not talking to me now?
John says - It was an accident - I didn't do it on purpose you know..............
Suzan says nothing..............
Sometimes that's best - sometimes the best John says - Suzan says conversations are when we
don't respond to each other.
Trust me on that one, I don't think it's quite what Alison Krauss meant when she wrote the song
but really, every now and then, we say it best.......................
when we say nothing at all
Try your very best to
I should be mopping the floor Homemaker on a dime Knick of Time