Friday, July 26, 2013

My Arms look like Gravy....................

The other day I was in the mirror getting dressed and I had to twist my arm behind me to zip up a dress and I almost puked.

My arms - OMG - my nice smooth toned arms have turned into a bowl of lumpy gravy this year.

What did we women ever do to deserve the crap we have to go through?
Besides making Adam take a bite out of a crummy apple?

Childbirth - check - I dealt with that
Period cramps - check - I dealt with that
Peri-menopause - check - I dealt with that
Menopause - check - I'm dealing with that

But this?  This may just be the straw that broke the camel's back
What's next - saggy knees?
( along with other saggy things ? )

I'm 54 - is this normal?

And because I happened to see this abnormality you just know I stood in that mirror for a very unhealthy amount of time - staring in morbid fascination - and moving them in different positions - to see just how bad they can look from every angle...............

I'm traumatized.
I'm devastated.
I'm in mourning.

For my arms.


Dear God - I can't take much more of this........................last year I was complaining that they looked like Jello and I thought that was bad - they wobbled but at least they were smooth.

How the hell can I age gracefully with lumps...................lumps are the least graceful thing in the world.
I hate them in my gravy.
And I hate them on my arms..................

The End.


  1. Oh Suzan, you've made me laugh again. Not at your situation, but the whole gravy thing...I don't know the hows, whys or whens of all the crazy things that happen to our bodies, but I do know it's not fair!! You are gorgeous no matter what your arms look like.


  2. AAwww!! I am hugging you right now.
    I have dealt witht eh child birth thing.... the cramps thing, mine came with 'morning sickness' YUK!!! In the perimenopause thing ( crap) NOT looking forward to anymore.
    I was ill last year and had to have treatments that made me puffy and lumpy :-( As soon as the Dr gave me the go ahead January 29th of this year. I called my trainer. Heck yeah. Had to get smooth back. He put me through the paces... and in 6 weeks, they were all gone.So there is hope!!! Right now I am in the last week of a 6 week boot camp training (OMG) but I can see tight where there was ,well, not tight.I am luving it. Due to meds I can't do the beach, no swim suit... but who cares, the tush is looking good again.I can see...
    BIG hugs.

  3. Suzan I know how that feels but hey,I decided that if I didn't want to waste precious sewing,gardening,walking,writing time doing weights, then I had to learn to live with it and just wear things that flatter. Like a small sleeve instead of sleeveless when going out, and grow old gracefully,live life to the full and don't worry,as long as we have our health.

  4. Yes, you can count on saggy knees.

    I am so mad at my husband because he decided to lose weight, started back to running every day and has lost 20 pounds. He is also watching what he eats. I on the other hand am watching what I eat, exercising daily and haven't lost a pound. Men have it so much easier!

    And, I am sure that your arms look great! If not, come on over and go kayaking with me. It is great for the arms.

  5. Hi Suzan,

    Well, I hear ya, loud and clear and I'm 49.5!! I'm at the jello stage but it has spread to my thighs, most likely to keep the cellulite company. Your post couldn't be more timely; I'm working on a post having to do with the muffin top madness, and no, that's not the crunchy cranberry edible type!!

    In the meantime, keep calm and always carry a cardy!


    1. Oh my gosh, how funny! What is the name of your Blog?

  6. My girlfriends and I call our arms the 'Hello Helens'. They are always waving at you when you move your arms. We make a vague attempt to tone them up with swim hand weights. I'll let you know if it ever shows any signs of working! Get friendly with sleeves, girlfriend.

  7. Darling - if I put on a sleeveless top, my arms are so big and flappy it looks like a flying squirrel is getting ready to make the leap from one tree to another. On the upside, a darling 80+ woman yesterday told me how young I looked. God love her. I am pretty sure she needed her eyes examined. (Either that or she thought I was in my 70's!!)

  8. I feel your pain, its not fair, but your beautiful face will draw any attention from and slight imperfections, now my arms are really yukky, answer, long sleeves, life is too short!

  9. I always bragged that I would handle getting older well. Then it happened. I have to say I was not happy with the crepey looking skin on the thighs and then the arm issues. I like the gray hair, but it stops there. Yesterday the ophthalmologist said cataracts were forming which I should have expected at 63. Nope. I did not. Accepting this rowing older stuff is gonna be a real challenge for me.

  10. Oh boy can I relate! I actually noticed my older sisters arms looking like that before mine did so I started using weights and it actually helped! Only have to keep it up or the lumps appear! I laughed when I read this post because I am dealing with that right now on my butt! Yes, I am 56 and my butt is starting to lump and sag. Going online right now for some exercises. What a great, funny post!!

  11. You made me laugh this morning because I was just telling my husband that it's all downhill from here...LOL... Take comfort in the fact that you're not alone, girl; I'm in that club, along with everyone I know. I'm in my late 40s (just a few years behind you) and I'm going downhill fast! LOL...

  12. Lumpy gravy, cottage cheese, rice pudding, quinoa. It all sucks!!!!


  13. I don't know what to say but sorry that your arms look like gravy. That just sucks!

  14. Oh, I hear you girlfriend! And I'm only 45! I have to say, I'm fine with my legs...they stay pretty toned without much work and I don't have cellulite but, my arms are my trouble spot. They always have been:( They're where I hoard fat and cellulite unfortunately:( I've always envied women whose fat goes to their hips and thighs! Long sleeved shirts work wonders:)

  15. I don't have gravy lumps, but I can tell you what's next.....if you want to hear/read it.....????

    Your buttocks will be four inches lower than they were and you won't find hardly a single pair of 'misses' size slacks that will accommodate this shift in body mass.

    You'll find one brand that fits--in my case Lee Jeans--and has legs the right diameter--I have thin thighs so most pants look huge on me---And the back seams won't tuck painfully right into where you don't want them to highlight your backside profile, which is the vertical seam line between your buttocks.

    If you do find the right pant, suddenly the brand that works will be either unavailable, discontinued, or altered at the factory.

    You will then lose a lot of hair from pulling it out in frustration. If anyone has a clue on how to find pants that accommodate this monumental change in the sit down area, I would surely like to hear it.

    It probably will be as big a shock as it was to find that my shoulders are now so much larger than they were that I fit into some 1X tops. And my weight is 5 founds over what it was when I was twenty, half a century ago.

    Bodies befoggle my poor be-fogged brain.

    1. Ok Marje - you have just thrown me into complete despair lmho............
      Thanks for such a thought provoking comment on what else I have to look forward too ( I THINK )

  16. Gee, I have so much to look forward to. My shoulders have dropped (fallen, and won't get up). Don't know what the ! happened.I got Contact Lenses for the first time last week, and I see so much more clearly. I now see that my eyes are hiding and makeup seems to disappear. And of course I can see that my Racoon Eyes (I have had ever since I can remember) are really starting to show up so much better :( Really loved the post Suzan! I read your blog all the time! <3

    1. LOL - oh where oh where can my little eyes be - oh where oh where have they gone???
      Nora Ephron felt bad about her neck - I feel back about my arms - aging is so much fun lmho..........
      Thanks so much for coming by Lily!!!!!!!
      Much love,
      Enjoy those contacts - now you can see to pluck your chin hair - fun fun fun again

  17. Thanks for making me smile! I think it's horrid what we girls have to go through. I remember eons ago my mother talking about "crepey" skin and I was horrified. Now I have it! :( I adjusted to avoiding tank tops and sleeveless items during our brutal summers. Now, the crepey stuff is moving down my arms! I am horrified and not sure how to handle this.

    I do know each day is a gift but I don't want my wrapping changing.


  18. I just stopped looking in the mirror. Ignorance is bliss. That's my story and I'm sticking to it!!!!
    Call me. One word Brimfield!!! Thinking about it. A 6hr drive!!!!!

  19. Oh my gosh! This is so depressing. At least I know I'm not alone. My body betrays me! I could list more embarrassing issues but you listed enough for now. Like others said Suzan, you shouldn't worry, you're beautiful.

  20. Oh my gosh...I almost died laughing at this! Who needs the comedy channel when we have Suzan...:)Loved it and I will definitely be avoiding looking at my arms in the mirror! You are beautiful...even if you do have gravy arms....which I find hard to believe. LOL

    Blessings, Vicky
    Life On Willie Mae Lane

  21. Hey, sweetie, it sounds like we are all in the same boat! Maybe the arms are the first to go. I truly do avoid mirror and you won't get me in a dressing room (think of all the sales they'd make if they just got rid of the florescent lighting!). I think I am going to just blame it on genetics and hormones and keep those babies covered.


  22. Suzan, Yes, Saggy knees are next. I think Spanx needs to make something for our arms!

  23. I'm not laughing AT you, I'm definitely laughing WITH you. I'm in the peri-menopause stage but my arms have ALWAYS been icky. Just once, I'd like to see a man have to go through this stuff! Oh, how vindicated I would feel!

  24. Maybe you're not waxing enough furniture? Now, if you want to laugh, I'll tell you a little story. I'm a teacher and in June, a pupil asked me "what's that on your forehead?" "What do you mean?"(wondering if I had ink or something) "It's like a pleat." "Oh, it's called a wrinkle, my dear"... And there's no way I can hide my forehead, but you can buy elegant long sleeved blouses!

  25. Lol Suzan....and I love all the replies! I think I read everyone of them. Cheers to all the lovely ladies out there!

  26. Ugh ~ I so feel your pain. I wish I had the money to get it all sucked out. I think I have the biggest, floppiest, grossest arms ever. I'm surprised people don't throw up when I'm teaching my paint workshops as the bumpy, lumpy fat flaps around.

    1. It's too much lol - it's just all too much!

  27. I'm right there with you Suzan! And for God sakes...don't clap anymore...ever...just sets it all in some bizarre ugly motion!

  28. Suzan,

    Thanks for reminding me of all the things I have to look forward too!! Yippy, I am filled with such excitement, NOT!! It is unreal all the things women do have to go through. I have been struggling with my period since I got it and now I am getting it briefly and then it comes back with a vengeance another time. What the HECK is that about?? Officially sharing too much here. So sad.


  29. I feel your pain Suzan! I'm 57 and each year I am shocked by some "new thing" that shows up in my mirror. I'm thinking of donning a whole new look, the Diane Keaton look, and covering myself from head to toe in fabric. Ugh!!!

    Good thing we're so beautiful on the inside, right?

    Blessings to you funny lady,

  30. I'm right there with you, and at exactly the same age...

    Cheers to us, ladies ~ think of all the wisdom we contain!

  31. Girl, I lost seven pounds this summer, then went on vacation and put it all back on. I need to get it together.


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