Saturday, February 1, 2014

If home is where the heart is................

Then I'm in big trouble ............
It doesn't feel like home yet.
At all.
It feels like I've been hired to fix up someone else's house actually.

Our last place felt like home the first night - it fit so perfectly into what ( we thought at the time ) our needs were.

I miss the city -
A lot.
A little too much.

I haven't been out of the house basically in 2 months - little jaunts here and there - but otherwise I've been in this house trying to make it feel like home.

Nothing is completely finished - well except for our bedroom - it's still a bit of a disaster everywhere else.

I look around and I think " if only "

the living room were done
the kitchen were finished
the dining room was complete
the french doors were installed
the baseboards were up
the painting was over
the bathroom was renovated
the pantry built
the kitchen floor changed
the office was gutted
my little boudoir was actually a little boudoir
the guest room was gutted

What was I thinking?
How could I have left the last place?
A Victorian beauty right in the heart of the city

I'm overwhelmed with the work
and underwhelmed with the house
A deadly combination to say the least...............

Did I mention I miss the city?
A lot?
A little too much?

It's a bad day today - no fighting it -
It's an almost on the verge of crying day today
It's a deep feeling of regret day today

And I'm terrified I just may have left my heart somewhere downtown
when we bought this one.

Because it sure ain't here.  I've been looking for it for 2 months now.

Maybe I have too much on my plate right now?

ahhh - this is better

I got some troubles but they won't last
I'm going lay right down here on my ass ( sorry there's no grass to be seen anywhere in Montreal right now ) 
And pretty soon all my troubles will pass...................

Cuz I'm in Shoo Shoo Shoo
Shoo Shoo Shoo
Shoo Shoo Shoo Shoo Shoo Shoo 
Sugar town

Ok - off to eat my sorrows away with some cheese cake
It may or may not help - but strangely enough this song put a smile on my face :)

Right now I have my cake
( and I'll eat it too )

Have a better day than I -
And if you're having a crappy day you have my sympathies -
what an awful way to start the weekend
( try to find some cheese cake )

Much love,


  1. Oh Suzan, We all have days like this, especially when in the middle of a reno. After a while, it just takes it's toll, and THAT is COMPLETELY normal and OKAY! Keep your sights on warmer weather, longer days, throwing the kitchen window wide open and dipping into the beautiful blue water in your back yard. Those days will be here shortly and then, you'll feel more at home. The days are long, and often grey and it's just hard, very hard to be happy when things just aren't. Enjoy the cheesecake and a good book today. You deserve a break! Much love! xoxoxo

    1. Thanks Laurayne - I think I'm more exhausted than anything else - I look around and it looks like so little has been accomplished for 2 months of non stop work.
      This place was in worse shape than I ever could have imagined :)
      That cheesecake was out of this world fantastic - the perfect breakfast for today lol
      Have a great wknd,

  2. If it doesn't change your heart when it's all done, you can always sell it for profit and buy elsewhere.

  3. Oh Suzy…Sorry that you are having a bad day. Rennovations are so hard when you are living in the middle of them. I almost had a nervous breakdown when we redid my master bathroom and that was one only one room. I think it will feel great when it is done and if not, I'm sure someone will buy it and you can move back to the city. xoxo

  4. It's also this long, hard winter, and the shorter days that contribute to your low feelings. The days will get longer, the house will slowly but surely get fixed the way you like it, and you'll start to feel better. You're undoubtedly physically and mentally exhausted, as well, with all the renovations, not to mention the emotional impact of moving into a new home, another location. Give it some time, and hang in there!

  5. I'm sorry your day is off to such a hard start...I think you are overwhelmed with all that is left to do. I have dreams ( ok, more like nightmares) where we've moved and I keep crying about the house we left. I can't imagine missing the city but I'm in the suburbs so it's not like I've experienced being in the heart of one. Hang in there...cheesecake is a good fix, I think.

  6. Love that song. Haven't heard it in a long time. UGH!!! This winter is getting us all down and having to spend all of your days inside in a big old mess is just making it worse. I think you should try and get out and spend a day just doing something fun that is not related to the house and if the sun is out, do what I do. Put on your flip flops and sunglasses, stick your feet up on the window sill, and pretend it's summer. xoxo Laura

  7. So sorry you are having a rough day. Go spend the weekend in the city and absorb some of those beautiful vibes you love so much. You deserve really have accomplished so much, it is just hard to see from your vantage point. Things will look better when you return ready to "make it happen". Your readers are pulling for ya!!

  8. You are just overwhelmed, that's all. You're making great progress and should be proud of your accomplishments. You're staying home too much, find a way to get away for a whole weekend - get a hotel room right downtown and enjoy the city sights and sounds. You'll be amazed at how rejuvenated you'll feel! xoxoxox

    1. ps go watch Under the Tuscan Sun as well. Another new homebuyer who experienced early regrets!! :)

  9. Awww. I'm sorry you are feeling the way you are. From what I see, you have done so much in a short time. It will all come together. I think this long cold winter isn't helping at all. You are breathing life into this house and giving IT a heart!

  10. It sounds to me like a week in the Caribbean is in order. Take in some sun, some rum, and relaxation! Then you'll be rejuvinated and ready to tackle it. Maybe you need a little break even if its not to the Caribbean.

  11. I'm sorry. Fixing up a house such as yours can bring depressed feelings sometimes. Projects seem to take twice and long and sometimes twice as much, because something goes wrong. The first six months were the hardest. It's been a year and half here now. I don't get down too much anymore; now, I get restless.

    Love your idea of cheesecake for breakfast! I wish I thought of that!

    Like Anne said, it helps to treat yourself at a hotel once in awhile.

  12. I sooooo sympathize! We are about to start the second half of our reno which began last February. Hell...have I learned the meaning of "patience is a virtue". Words of wisdom... Go with the flow and ride with the tide. Oh, and, make the serenity Prayer your mantra.

  13. Hang in there Suzy. I think it's a combination of being exhausted and "homesick'. I expect to feel the same way when we leave here in a month. I seriously keep walking around my home taking photos and suddenly noticing all the little custom touches that we added over our 15 years here. Yesterday I even took a photo of my view from the kitchen window where I stand and make my morning coffee and watch the neighborhood wake up. How sentimental is that?
    I have moments when I panic too and I'm not even IN the fixer upper that I'm sure lies ahead of us. In fact, we'll probably need to rent down there because we're not having any luck shopping for a new home when we're 400 miles away. As you probably found out when you were checking out homes, NOTHING looks the same on the internet hahaha...Letting go is so hard. I know that secure, wonderful feeling of being "home" that you're missing and I need it too, to feel grounded in my life. So moving for me feels quite scary. That's why I love coming here. I admire your pull up your sleeves get-to-work attitude because I'll need the same energy and determination when we're in our new place. But don't worry, these 'down' feelings will pass. It's so natural to feel the overwhelm and occasional homsickness for your other home. I think it's part of the letting go process. I'm sending you all my positive energy right now. Take a break and do something fun with hubby.

  14. I'm sorry you're feeling so down Suzan but really, it's only been 2 months. I'm sure when things are where you want them to be you'll be able to relax and enjoy your new home. When the nicer weather comes, you can get out into your neighbourhood more and meet your neighbours (hopefully they are nice!) and putter in the yard. Hang in there. And enjoy your cheesecake! Hugs. Pam

  15. Uh make everything darker you've probably got the dirty-snow-no-sunshine-somebody-take-me-away blues. Imagine this happening when you're in somebody else's home, everything you own is in storage 40 miles away and now it feels like vacation is over so why can't I go home? It's so easy to say it will pass but the ? is when???
    Get OUT of the house.....go shopping. Not for the house - for you. Buy a new pr of slippers or a book. Go to a movie. Pack an overnight bag and kidnap John to a hotel for one night. Order desert and champagne from room service and call it dinner. Anything to break the routine. When you come back pick one thing you want finished and aim for that.
    Keep writing to us....I'm guessing all of us have done this and it help to be able to yell it out.

  16. I am telling myself that your "blues" are due to the snow and cold.

    I know your "simply vintageous" style will make that house a home - soon.

    Hang in there!

  17. I'm been through some pretty tough renos and it does get you down at some point. Time to throw a party. Shove the materials and tools to the side and call in some friends for some fun.

  18. You have to much on your plate and with the weather, it has been so cold and terrible you can't get out like you did in the city - so there are so many factors to deal with. Once you get the house the way you want it everything will fall into place. We all have those days - so hang in there. There are some days that I HATE my house and everything is crap, but then everything is fine.
    Kidnap John for a surprise night at a fancy hotel and forget about the house.


  19. It's hard to feel all upbeat about a house that is all-consuming right now...combined with winter weather. I think it definitely is that you have too much on your plate right now (and I don't mean too much cheesecake -- never too much of that), but it's hard to feel the love for the house when so much of it is still not the way you want it. I've been feeling blue, too, and I'm sure it is the winter blahs. Go do something nice for yourself, or with John. Take an entire day off from the house -- or even a weekend -- and I bet you come back feeling better. And think about that CRUISE!!!!

  20. awwww suz i thought you had lost your mind when you left that gorgeous house for this one had a vision and maybe you have just lost site of it during all the rat poop and hard work you have been through,i know you won't give up your not that kinda girl..find that vision and go for it you are at the point were runners think they can't go on then they get that adrenaline rush and keep going for miles..and i agree you either need to take a day off and get out of the house "cabin fever" is real love reading all of your posts..especially when you and john have some crazy ass conversations xx

    1. Hey - I was thinking about you - did you get your house???
      Thanks for your kind words - you've no idea how uplifting they are

  21. Hey, I understand exactly how you feel, I left New York City Area to go to Maine for a house that was too huge and was needing repairs. I thought, how lucky was I to be able to purchase a Gothic Victorian on the historic registry, remember I thought, LOL. All I can say it has been years and the truth is I really still miss the city and that never changes. What will change is will be your outlook on your new neighborhood and new life. When you make some friends around you, and start being part of your local community, life will be better. For now, hang on, treat yourself to a day in your community, it will be the start of your new urban life. By the way, I look forward everyday to your blog. Chin up :)
    Lisa Rose

    1. Wow Lisa Rose - we're almost neighbors lol - I'm 90 minutes away from Vermont !!!
      I'm just tired - really really tired - we took on a lot here ( more then we realized I'm afraid ) but it'll be ok
      Much love,

  22. Hoping that you pull out of the funk...Take care....and yummy on the cake....

  23. (((very big hugs))) to you. You are scaring me! Seriously! I am 3 weeks away from making what could be the biggest, costliest, mistake of my life. Surrounded by boxes, still sorting and packing, downsizing by half as we ship only treasures from one coast to the other. Breathing deeping and hoping this all comes together for you and me! I feel your anxiety. Oh dear God! Patty/BC to NS

  24. Suzan,
    I think you have been so overwhelmed for so long without a break and are so tired with so much still ahead of you. I am totally surprised you have not had a few more melt downs by now. You are a Rock Star and it will all get done and be beautiful and I know feel more like home. This weather doesn't help either. Hang in there. Cheesecake always helps me especially if you throw some whip cream you know the spray can type
    kind on top! Just sayin!

  25. Girl, I'm gonna keep it real sugar coating because you've obviously got that going on (that's a good thing). Before the rest of us readers could even fall into the slumber stupor brought on by Thanksgiving's meal, let alone fall for the hype that December's holiday spirit hypnotized and depressed so many of us with, you take on a move right before it all? While the rest of us spent January just putting away Thanksgiving and Christmas, and started shuffling papers and shoveling snow, you've been attacking a WHOLE HOUSE RENOVATION. Here we are in month closer to Spring, yet most of us are looking at all the projects and work we hope to START once the weather breaks. And you're already kicking the thing you said you're sitting on! You'll be laughing at us when we start our projects, asking where we've been all winter! So, melt down if you will, but make sure it trickles all the way down to the south and over to the midwest and even the rockies, ok? We could all use a little bit of the fire you have under your feet! You really are amazing IMHO.

  26. Suzan.....Really?! Feeling "at home" is important. We all need that. But that feeling only comes with time and effort. Both of which you are investing in quantity. I'm figuring the payoff for you is going to be GIGANTIC! Hang in there! The burbs aren't so bad!! Pointe Claire especially,so pretty in the summer! I live on the West Island- it has its perks. I think we all just need a big old dose of sunshine!!! All the best to you.

    1. Hey Kim - if there was anywhere ( other than the city ) I'd live in Montreal - it's the West Island - in many ways I feel I'm home here - I'll let you figure that out without going into details. But it's a huge difference for me to say the least - HUGE.
      Just a bad day - I'll be fine lol - seriously I'll be fine - for finish I'll probably never want to go back to the city - I may go even further West - like Ontario lmho

    2. I HEAR you loud and clear......ditto....haha!

  27. If you aren't getting out much, make sure you're taking enough vitamin D since your probably aren't getting much sun. Lack of D can make you depressed. Also start using sublingual B complex. You have taken on a huge project and can't expect to get everything completed very quickly. Try to be patient with the situation and yourself...and once you get the house completed, if you still don't feel at home, don't hesitate to sell it and move back to the city!

  28. Hey Girl. Totally get you. Heck we just built my 'dream house', and I'm still feeling like I'm staying at someone's vacation home. I look around overwhelmed at where to put my beloved collections, where my furniture fits best (or not), why I did this color and that window and and least you don't have a Minecraft face in your bedroom. Eat, take a bath, get a good sleep, Dear. Creativity is hard this time of year, and the two of us got our ding dang work cut out for us! Inspiration will come. In the meantime, there's cheesecake and blogs.

  29. My Dearest Suzan!!!

    I'm sorry for how you're feeling........

    Buying a home is a very stressful time...Period. You woman!!!!!!! You are going to do a great reno with your gorgeous house. Look what you've done so far...Amazing!!!! Just keep thinking about this coming summer.

    Write down the rooms in priority order and the ones with doors...Close the door until you're ready to start that room.I always found doing a bit in each room doesn't amount to getting "A" room done and then you're fed-up and tired.

    I know by reading this wonderful Blog of yours that you have thing under control, but, like I said, working on a house is hard, tiring, time consuming job. You need a break...NOW!!!! You need your city night at whatever cost. It's important for you to have this time.

    You'll be fine and your house WILL get done and then watch out...BBQ, pool time coming up!!! Your house will be everything you envisioned and I tell ya, it's going to be great!!!! You know how I know?? Because you're great!!!

    Now, pack a bag and tell your loving hubby aka John, that you need a night in the city and make sure you have a bottle of your favorite wine and maybe a little something out of your lingerie drawer(It's a thought...He-he-he) lock up and go. Oh ya, call daughter or drop pup off at daughters on the way. If John says, 'No' tell him Pam said he has no choice!!!

    All my love and plenty of hugs!!!!!


  30. Sounds like you need a mini-vacation away from that constant remodeling work, girl. Even if it's just a couple days someplace where you can get warm, kick back, and do nothing. :) If you can't, then just remember to take things one at a time. It's a huge project to take on an entire house remodel upon moving in. But it doesn't have to all get done right away. When we moved into our lake house years ago, we just took one one room each year which helped with our stress level. Hugs to you, sweetie! Hang in there!

    xoxo laurie

  31. You just have the house under construction blues, plus it is February and that is the most depressing month of all. And most people work on their homes for years to get it the way they want. Not too many people tackle a whole house at once. You will be fine my dear, spring will be here and you will feel better about your move. Trust me, hugs Tobey

  32. I'm so sorry Suzan. Hopefully by now you are feeling much better! You know what? - I have dreams (nightmares) sometimes that all of a sudden I find myself in a house we up and bought and there are all kinds of issues with it and I want my old house back so bad and I can't believe we moved without even talking about it! I have a feeling if I were to move I'd be going through a lot of what you are right now! Hopefully it will soon start feeling like home to you - maybe spring will help?

  33. I'm so sorry you are having buyers remorese Suzan. But I know you can turn this home into an amazing home too. You've got the stuff. Take it one space at a time. You'll get there.

  34. Oh, Suzan, I have questionned my sanity as well after buying my cottage! Maybe you just need to leave all what's undone undone for a while and enjoy a day in the (snowy) city! It's not far you said!

  35. know it takes a while sometimes to make a house a home. Don't lose faith in yourself girl! Blueberry anything is a good way to beat the blues for sure!

  36. I hope the cheesecake helped Suzan! You sound totally overwhelmed and girl, it's no doubt. You've got a heck of a lot on your plate these days - it took us 14 years to renovate our humble abode! Just keep reminding yourself "this too shall pass" and when you're all done you can give yourself a huge tap on the back because your home will be gorgeous (judging by what I've seen so far). Maybe you need to schedule day trips or an over night trip once a month to the city to fill that hole in your soul. Hang in there!
    ~Marie@The Interior Frugalista

  37. Overwhelm? Absolutely! Mine has not been as huge as yours but I understand the feeling. I wish I were there ~ I'd give you a huge hug and have you sit down and share some wine. I would insist that you go for a massage and mani/pedi. Then after a great meal, you'd go to bed and sleep a solid 12 or so hours. For breakfast there would be coffee, fruit and croissants and a mimosa or 3. After that, we'd have to discuss whether or not you return to "work" or take another needed day off.

    Thinking of you my friend!

  38. I hope the cheesecake helped it's probably because you're tired from all the work your doing. It will be home soon.

  39. Awww Suzan, I'm sorry you are having a bad day (or had). I hope your spirits lift have taken on a major renovation and it isn't surprising you feel the way you do. Have a third piece of cheesecake and remember why you bought the house in the first place...why you left the city.
    ((Hugs to you))
    Debbie :)

  40. So today is now a new day and you can't wallow forever...but a day here and there is perfectly normal and necessary in the depths of deep change. Eat your cake and put your fork down...or throw it against and unfinished wall and CARRY got this.


Due to a large amount of spam ( that I'm tired of going back to posts and deleting ) I'll be using comment moderation from now on !!!
Can I beat these spammers at their own game? Probably not - but I'm going
to try my damnedest !!!