Dorothy ( my picking girlfriend ) and I decided we wanted to attempt to go to this huge Flea Market in Gatineau, Quebec - about a 90 minute drive from Montreal - so the plan was to be on the road for 7 a.m. to get there nice and early - but like all well laid plans in my life things went screwy from the moment we took off.
Picture Dorothy, John, myself and MURPHY ( as in Murphy's law ) who never wants to stay at home - lately he seems to be glued to my side creating havoc with his stupid laws constantly jumping in my face - get the hell away from me already.........................
Did I mention well laid plans? You can't get any better then a googled map quest with very precise directions right? Simple, easy peasy, just follow them and you get to where you want to go - they're so accurate that they tell you right down to the minute what time you will be arriving at your destination!
So accurate that we may as well leave the GPS at home because we have this paper on hand and after all it will only give us the same information that map quest gives anyway...................and we set off.
Dorothy was in charge of the map but unfortunately Murphy decided to plunk his ass right down beside her and started whispering in her ear - this is the only explanation I can come up with - because out of the blue
Dorothy says "this map doesn't make any sense at all"
Dorothy says " it's taking us all the way around the province "
Dorothy says " there must be a shorter way "
John says " well I know how to get there - it's right beside Ottawa ( Canada's capitol ) I'll just follow the signs to Ottawa
Dorothy says " yeah - let's do that - because this just doesn't make any sense at all "
Suzan says " I think we should follow the google map quest
And off we go - keep in mind the googled map says 90 minutes -
And we're driving and we're driving and we're driving - and after 90 minutes we are nowhere - absolutely nowhere near our destination...................
Dorothy says - I think we've missed a turn off
John says - No - we're not in Ottawa yet
Dorothy says - but I'm checking the GPS on my phone and it says we should have taken the last cut off
John says - Oh ok - I'll take the next one and we'll come back
Dorothy says - yeah - we definitely should have gotten off at the last exit
Suzan says - I think we should follow the google map quest
And off we get at the next exit - and come back to the road we should have taken
And we're driving and we're driving and we're driving - and after 30 minutes we are nowhere - absolutely nowhere near our destination......................
Dorothy says - Hey wait a minute guys - we're going in the complete wrong direction!!!
John says - I thought so - we have to go TOWARDS Ottawa - not away from it
Dorothy says - I don't understand it - but the GPS says we're 2.5 hours away from our destination
John says - I should have just stayed on the road then?
Suzan says - I think we should follow the google map quest
And back in the opposite direction we go - and we're driving and we're driving and we're driving - and after 1 hour...................
Dorothy says - the GPS says we have to get on a ferry
John says - A ferry?
Suzan says - what the hell is going on here? we've left the province entirely and we now have to cross a body of water?
Dorothy says - I'm terrified of ferry's
John says - Well I suppose we have no choice
Suzan says - Look - I'm ready to swim across at this point -
And we cross over what was basically a pond ( I really could have swam across ) and exit the ferry - and
Dorothy says - OK - it should be just down the road - we have to turn left here
John says - Ok
and we drive and we drive and we drive and there's no flea market
Dorothy says - Oh maybe we should have turned right
John says - Yeah I think so - why the hell aren't there any signs saying where the bloody flea market is?
Suzan says - STOP THE CAR - THERE'S A GARAGE - I'M GOING TO GET DIRECTIONS
There was nobody - not a soul at the garage - it was all locked up - what kind of a garage is locked at 11 o'clock in the morning? and yeah you heard me right - it's now 11 o'clock in the morning - 4 hours into our picking trip...................and then we saw a couple who gave us directions to this huge flea market. I wanted to kiss the ground when we got out of the van and approached this TINY little flea market LMAO - and it was small - nowhere as big as the one just outside of Montreal..........................
The disappointment was palpable on our faces - we each got a dozen corn - and before you think it was a complete write off - I got this too
We did much better on the return trip home where we found tons of garage sales - where everything was 1/4 of the price of the flea market - ( Dorothy ended up the queen of picking with her finds on the way home )
I ended up with a couple of more goodies
|wrought iron table base 5.00
|don't ask - John thinks I can do something with this bread box
|1.00 - piece of crap lol - but at this point I was tired
and from screaming at John to STOP THE CAR whenever we passed a garage sale ( and there were lots of them )
Oh - and at our last stop we were trying to figure out how to get one last piece in an already filled to the capacity vehicle - when I realized what had to be done.
I grabbed Murphy by the lapels and threw him off to the side of the highway - kicked him in the ass too, for good measure - we were then able to squeeze the last piece in.
And without him in the van we made it back home without any further incidents..................
As we arrived home
Suzan says - Well you know what? I had a great day
And I really did folks - I really did lol
P.S. I promptly turned that vintage wrought iron table base into this ( with a round marble slab I've had for ages - and some ASCP pure white which I basically just dabbed all over )
|little side table ( perfect for outside actually )
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