Friday, July 17, 2015

A Friday Chat ( about this & that )

Hey you !!!

Come in - come in !
Let me put the kettle on - grab a seat.....................
Want to sit in my newly finished front ( enclosed ) porch for a bit?

As you know I've been working on it feverishly !
John was going to be in the vicinity of Ikea during the week - so................

Suzan says - Do you think you could pick me up something at IKEA?
( because any time he's going to be anywhere near it - he MUST take advantage of it and pick something up for me ! )
John says - Sure - nothing big I hope ?
Suzan says - Nah - just some throw pillows
John says - Ok - write it all down and I'll pick them up.

Now - I'll let YOU know - they're 1.99 ( which means they're probably a quarter in the States ) but they're smallish ( 13 inches by 13 inches )  so I decided to get 6 for each of the built in benches in the front.

My list read :

KAKRIS throw cushions.................12 please !

Because for the price of one pillow ( 24.00 ) I could get 12 - now THAT's a deal.

He came home with 6

Suzan says - Why only 6 - it read they had tons of them in stock ?
John says - They do
Suzan says - But I asked for 12 of them
John says - I thought that was what you wanted to spend


Suzan says - Is that really how you read it
John says - well you're never precise.................I have to guess everything.

So my note should have read as follows :

KAKRIS throw cushions............. 12 please.

12  =


Suzan says - if you're going to be my go-fer -  you need to pay attention !
John says - ok Groundhog
Suzan says - Huh?  What does that mean?
John says - Well if I'm a go-fer - you're a groundhog
Suzan says - That makes no sense at all - a go-fer goes for this and that
John says - Have you ever caught a rabbit?
Suzan says - WHAT?????????????????????
John shrugs - says - Well you ain't no friend of mine.

He's so proud of himself for that line that his shoulders are shaking
He's a tit for tat type of man.
Sometimes it takes a day or two - but he saves everything I say and then he'll come back with a retort.
This was a quick one.............

And by the way - he used to call me his kitten.
Bigger they come - harder they fall...................

MYRTLE BEACH, SC (WMBF) – A woman who was asked to leave a seafood buffet after spending four hours there and causing a disturbance told police that she planned to have “Jesus” pay her bill, according to a Myrtle Beach Police report.
Police responded to Bennett's Calabash Seafood Buffet Restaurant in Myrtle Beach at about 9:15 p.m. on Sunday, in reference to a patron unwilling to pay her bill, the report states.
The restaurant management told the officer that the offender, later identified as 51-year-old April Lee Yates, arrived four hours earlier to eat dinner. While there, she caused a disturbance with other patrons at the restaurant, and management asked her pay her bill and leave.
Yates refused to pay her bill, the report states. She told the officer she did not have any money on her. The officer asked her if she knew she had no money when she entered, and she said yes. The officer then asked what she had planned to do when the bill came, and she said someone would pay the bill for her.  When the officer asked who, she replied, “Jesus.”
Yates was placed under arrest for defrauding a restaurant and taken to the Myrtle Beach Jail
She'd better pray Jesus gets her a good lawyer.
We were watching a couple of squirrels running along the fence yesterday

John says - Aren't they the cutest things?
Suzan says - I hate them
John says - How can you hate them?  They're adorable
Suzan says - They kill snakes
John roars
John says - Don't be ridiculous

I know most people think squirrels are adorable little things.
I don't.
Especially when they break into houses ( like they did in our last place HERE )
They terrify me
And in case you're on the same page as John and  you think they're just little acorn loving animals - take a look at this photo from

John says - Maybe that's why we don't have snakes in our back yard
Suzan says- No - that would be because we live in Montreal - not Texas
John says - Maybe we could train ours to eat groundhogs.......................
Suzan says - Or go-fers

Now having said all that - I think Montreal squirrels are cowardly

Last week I saw a robin attacking a huge one ( go rockin' robin ) she was furious - and she hurt him.
He toppled off the fence and limped off ( and I felt the teeniest bit sorry for him to be honest with you )
If I'd had a snake I'd have offered it to him as a consolation prize.
Bigger they come - harder they fall

John says - Donald Trump is leading in the polls
Suzan says - I know - scary stuff
John says - Well he's a great business man - you never know

We took my Mother with us once to Manhattan - and she wanted to go to Trump tower.
She LOVED Donald - I did not - but I took her there for lunch ( there's a small sort of a cafeteria style eating section downstairs.)
After we'd finished and were coming upstairs - there was a young good looking man dressed in a 3 piece suit talking on his cell...............

My mother says - That's Donald's youngest !
Suzan says - No - I don't think so -
but before I could finish my sentence - she was off - like a bat out of hell............

EXCUSE ME - I could hear her screaming

I was mortified.................people stopped to look at us -

He was very gracious............shook her hand - gave her a huge smile and acknowledged that he was.

Oh - please tell your Dad I just love him.

OMG.................ok Mom - let's go -
And as we walked away - she screamed out

" Oh and tell him HE'S FIRED "

And she giggled her head off like she'd just said the wittiest thing on the planet...........

As we left the building -

Suzan says - Mom - this is N.Y. - people leave people alone here - they don't run up to people like that.
Mom shrugs - I'm not a New Yorker - I'm a Montrealer - I can get away with it.

I then took her on a double decker bus tour of the city..................where she promptly told the tour guide that she'd just met Donald Trump's youngest son - and told him to tell his Father that he was fired
( she was really quite proud of that obviously )

As the tour bus passed the Trump building - the guide repeated the story on the microphone for the entire bus to my Mother sat grinning from ear to ear

Someone leaned over and asked her if it was her who'd said that

Yes - she replied - it sure was !!!

We took her everywhere that trip - everywhere - but the highlight was meeting Junior

So when I found out that his Father was running for President - I figured she'd be delighted

Oh that a$$hole - she replied.

I don't even want to know what happened to change her mind..................but it must have been huge.
Bigger they come - harder they fall.

Last year at the end of summer I asked John to put the pool mattresses and loungers away.
When I went in to pull them out - they were shoved into the shed - ( they're quite large - 4 of them ) half inflated.................

John says - There's no bloody room in the shed to get anything in
Suzan says - Oh come on - don't be silly
John says - Those pool mattresses take up too much room
I went in to see why there was no room -

Suzan says - OMG !  Why didn't you deflate them?
John says - You told me to put them away
John says - Well winter was on it's way - I didn't have time
Suzan says -  Were you expecting a freak blizzard to appear at any moment in late September ?
Suzan says - It only takes a few minutes to do it

I'm waiting for a delivery today - 2 mattresses and 2 loungers to replace the ones that were destroyed by all the wood he threw on top of them.

I also cleaned out the shed - really I don't know how he lives the way he does..................mayhem - sheer mayhem.  He keeps his areas like a giant freaking JENGA game !!!

We're getting ready to put a deck in next week - wish us luck - because we're going to need every last bit of it that you can wish on me on that one !

Hope you have a wonderful weekend - I'll be finishing off the front porch
See ya Monday - bright and early !!!


  1. I can't wait to see the porch reveal! Thanks for all the funny stories to start my Friday. Nothing like starting the day with laughter! Have a wonderful weekend! Hugs!

  2. Honestly, Suzan, you should write a book. Great entertainment with morning coffee. :)

  3. LOVE all the stories, thanks for the laughs, I needed them!

  4. I SO look forward to your Friday thoughts, you keep me in stiches! Sometimes I have to be VERY specific asking my hubby to do something too. Men just don't get it sometimes. I want to meet your Mother:):):) I also can not fathom how ANYONE could vote for Donald Trump!!!

  5. Your Mom sounds like a hoot! Have fun with the deck ~

  6. Cute and funny stories as always Suzan. Poor John. The cushion story takes the cake! :)

  7. Note to self - do NOT attempt to eat yoghurt with fresh strawberries while reading Friday Chat. The dogs were waiting for what they thought would be my final moments then they could scarf down what remained of my snack. Before attempting the deck here is the Number 1 rule. Take wine to the neighbours and if they complain about all the yelling and shreiking tell them to come over and watch and from then on it's BYOB! Love your Mother, that would have been my sister. She gets star struck easy. Then blows them off for the slightest screw up. Can't believe The Donald is ahead in the polls, he's gone bankrupt how many times? And he wants to run a country?! Maybe he could help Greece instead. Now that would be a gong show 😆. We have The Cutest chipmuncks that live in a little hole they dug out along the driveway. It's nerve racking backing out, apparently I ran over one last year but I think it was him with the motorcycle trailer. They run around like Chip & Dale. Heave a great weekend, enjoy the new pool floats and the few pillows you did get. Hilarious! xo Patty

  8. OMG Suzan, your mother is my kind of woman! Her story was hilarious! Approaching Junior like that sounds like something my mama would do. Lol!

    I hate squirrels, too. They are such pests...they eat my birdseed, pecans, name it. I've never heard of them eating snakes. I thought it was the other way around. But, now that I know they do, I'll have to look at them a little differently. Because...there is nothing, NOTHING I hate more than snakes! Great post today! Much luck on the deck project!

  9. As for the "snake eating squirrel", I bet she was gonna be a momma or had a nest full of kits! Usually, when you find a squirrel eating a fleshy thing, it is because she is pregnant and needs the extra stuff! Talk about a weird craving, but we have all had them while pregnant!!! I once ate "bar-b-qued turkey tails" from the deli! The most disgusting thing I have ever eaten, and Boy did I get sick! It must have been an omen, because I did have a baby boy! Hugs, Nanny

    1. It's funny you say that - because apparently that's it - pregnant !
      I would never have known that !
      Bar-b-qued turkey tails just made me a little sick to even think of them LOL
      Hugs right back !

  10. OMG, John is my husband's twin. I swear the older men get, the less they think for themselves!

  11. Thank you for the invite to sit on the porch with a glass of wine. But by the time I finished reading this I needed a 2nd glass! Poor John my husband has pulled some doozies but this time John surpassed his other episodes.
    Gotta love him!!

    1. I still can't believe it BarbaraAnn - really I just can't lol !!!
      ( but I was really more upset about all the pool loungers ruined )

  12. You are too funny! Love the story of Mama and The Donald's youngest.

    1. Actually he has one younger ( with the second wife ) I hope she doesn't read my blog LMHO !!!
      Thanks so much Ellen !

  13. Squirrels give me the creeps, Donald Trump gives me the creeps. Interesting, my husband reads notes the same way yours does. I sometimes think that maybe English really isn't his first language.

  14. Trump is a butt head, albeit a funny-haired butt head. He has alienated (poor choice of words...hee hee) so many people. He isn't too fond of the illegal immigrants, and he certainly has diarrhea of the mouth when it comes to them. He has lost plenty of endorsements of goods. I guess he's rich enough that it doesn't matter what he says or who he alienates (hee hee). What's bad is that some people agree with his brand of ignorance.

    Speaking of Trump...Did you hear of #Trumpyourcat, where you brush your kittie and pull the resulting hairs from the bristles and form it into a Trump hairpiece and place it on the cat's head and take a "selfie" of it? There were quite a few going around. It's just one of the things we do to our cats because we love them so much. (Kinda like you and your mom!)

    Trump is a business man. It brings to mind when Ross Perot was running for president. I kinda wondered how the U.S. would do if it were run like a business. That is an interesting thought. Not one I would entertain for real, though.

    It had to be you when I think about the man who brought home the child-sized blow-up loungers last year. Was it? It had to be!!! Katie and I got a kick out of that! If I remember correctly, you measured them by laying them across your stove {or am I nuts, too?}.

    Speaking of nuts...squirrels...I miss the squirrels we had in Ohio. We hardly see them in NC, and certainly not where we live. I miss them. In Ohio, in the winter, there would be leaf balls high up in the trees. Those were the winter nests of the squirrels. Down here, we were thinking we were seeing squirrel balls in the winter. Well...those were Mistletoe plants. They grow on Oak trees, I believe, and suck the life right out of them. But, since they look like squirrel balls, they remind me of home...just without the squirrels though. {Sigh...}

    Thanks for the laugh, even though I was a little late to the party. I caught up.


Due to a large amount of spam ( that I'm tired of going back to posts and deleting ) I'll be using comment moderation from now on !!!
Can I beat these spammers at their own game? Probably not - but I'm going
to try my damnedest !!!